Nov 03 2008

Contest #19: Return of the Mischievous Time Traveler

Category: Uncategorized @ 1:03 am

First off let me remind everyone that we’ve also got Photo Contest #1 going on right now. Go and see the creative costumes. If you haven’t uploaded your Halloween costume photo yet, the deadline is Tuesday @ 9pm EST.

With this week being America-gets-a-new-president week, we thought we’d get into the political spirit with a contest concerning government and legislation. As the title of this contest suggests, the M.T.T. has another mission. For those of you unfamiliar with the M.T.T.’s work, see Contest #1. This week she’s got the itch to travel back in time and alter some historic documents.

Your assignment this week is to modify the American Bill of Rights by one word. Your goal is to maximize the creative mischief of the one word change. You can insert one word, delete one word, or change one word into another. After you modify your one word, you can fix the sentence to be grammatically correct (by adding an “s” to another word or inserting an extra preposition or something).

Not everyone in the world has the Bill of Rights memorized (especially not MM’s international users), so as usual we’ve conveniently linked to the full text of the amendments.

Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate.

Contest Summary
Assignment
: Alter one word in the Bill of Rights
How to enter: Post your photo in the Contest Entries section 
Deadline: Friday, November 7th at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?


105 Responses to “Contest #19: Return of the Mischievous Time Traveler”

  1. SilentTuba Says:
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    Second Amendment Right to keep bear arms.
    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep Bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

  2. pennydreadful Says:
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    First Amendment Congress shall make no money respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    Second Amendment A well-regulated alien Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    Third Amendment No Soldier shall, in time of peace be drawn/quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

    Fourth Amendment The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

    Fifth Amendment No zombie shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

    Sixth Amendment In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall not enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.

    Seventh Amendment In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed one squillion dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

    Eighth Amendment Excessive bribes shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

    Ninth Amendment The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. (Psych!)

    Tenth Amendment The powers not delegated to the United States by the cats, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

  3. Soleil Says:
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    Second Amendment Right to keep and arm bears.

  4. Soleil Says:
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    That’s right, folks – one simple misprint, and suddenly you go from carry a pistol under your jacket to holding the chain of a mercenary grizzly with a rifle and a .35-gauge necklace of death.

  5. Lalaith Says:
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    First Amendment Establishment Clause, Free Exercise Clause; freedom of speech, of the press, and of dissemblance; right to petition
    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to dissemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  6. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    ATTENTION I THINK THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE TO PUT A *** OR SOME SUCH MARK AROUND THE WORDS THAT THEY HAVE CHANGED SO IT IS EASY TO FIND

  7. Billard Says:
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    The Billard of Rights

  8. Billard Says:
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    i had to go there….sorry

  9. jupchu Says:
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    Tenth Amendment Powers of states and people.
    The powers not delegated to the *states by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people

  10. jupchu Says:
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    Third Amendment Protection from quartering of troops.
    No Soldier shall, in time of peace be tickled* in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

  11. etmoose Says:
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    Ninth Amendment Protection of rights not specifically enumerated in the Bill of Rights.

    The enumeration in the Dictionary, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

  12. Zabo Says:
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    No Soldier shall, in time of peace be [drawn and] quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

  13. Zabo Says:
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    Congress shall make no [sandwich] respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  14. Zabo Says:
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    Excessive [hair] shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

  15. jupchu Says:
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    Sixth Amendment Trial by jury and rights of the accused; Confrontation Clause, speedy trial, public trial, right to counsel
    In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public depantsing

  16. Jakutz Says:
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    Tenth Amendment Powers of Superheros and people.

  17. Jakutz Says:
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    Seventh Amendment Civil [war] by jury.

    Can you imagine every legal disagreement being settled by a jury deathmatch? It certainly would be more entertaining.

  18. Jakutz Says:
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    Yeah, I was being lazy and stupid. The next one is better though!

  19. Jakutz Says:
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    I think you’re on to something…

  20. fuzz on the concept Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    Second Amendment:
    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear *children, shall not be infringed.

  21. fuzz on the concept Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +10

    Second Amendment:
    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep *koala bears, shall not be infringed.

    Koala_Baby.jpg

  22. fuzz on the concept Says:
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    (I’m assuming this pic is in the public domain — it appears here, with a credit to the Australian Embassy: http://www.tburg.k12.ny.us/mcdonald/koala.htm .)

  23. Shirin Says:
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    Ha ha…tickling is so against our rights as humans!

  24. Shirin Says:
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    MMMmmmm…sandwiches.

  25. Shirin Says:
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    At least you can admit it…:)

  26. Shirin Says:
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    Good! Two thumbs up for bearing children! :)

  27. Shirin Says:
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    Two thumbs up for the baby koalas!

  28. Barnaby Hayes Says:
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    Eighth Amendment Prohibition of excessive *spaghetti* and cruel and unusual punishment.

    (Too many noodles is the cruelest punishment I can imagine)!

  29. Gabriel Says:
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    It probably wasn’t obvious from my description, but a single word change per Amendment is an entry. Can you resubmit these as individual changes that way people can vote on them separately? Thanks

  30. Gabriel Says:
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    I should have suggested that myself, thanks Stevel. I’ll go through and bold the change if users haven’t already designated it.

  31. Lalaith Says:
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    Nice throwback to the original MTT contest :)

  32. Lalaith Says:
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    Seventh Amendment Civil trial by *fire*.
    In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by *fire* shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a *fire*, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

    Good for those witchhunts…

  33. giraffe1089 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Fifth Amendment due process, [final] jeopardy, self-incrimination, eminent domain.

    (James Madison: category, THEN wagers, THEN the answer, THEN the question. Jesus, people.)

  34. rudolfs001 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    * Tenth Amendment Powers of states and people.

    The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the mice respectively, or to the people.

    Hitchhiker’s Guide anyone?

  35. rudolfs001 Says:
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    * Tenth Amendment Powers of states and people.

    The failures not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

  36. Iaoai Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    First Amendment-

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to *boogie*, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  37. Iaoai Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    Second Amendment-

    A well regulated *upper-body*, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

  38. etmoose Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    * Fourth Amendment Protection from unreasonable search and seizure.

    The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and *vaguely* describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

  39. pennydreadful Says:
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    Sure!

  40. pennydreadful Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Fifth Amendment No *zombie* shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

  41. pennydreadful Says:
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    Second Amendment A well-regulated *alien* Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

  42. Zabo Says:
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    Not to be a nitpicking…thing that nitpicks, but to all of those changing words in the first line of each bullet point of the Wikipedia text, that is a Wikipedia-added header that summarizes the effect of each amendment, and is not strictly part of the constitution.

    That said, that does not mean it cannot be humorous, nor even that it cannot be an entry, pending a ruling by Chief Justice Gabriel.

  43. SilentTuba Says:
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    Cna we change the same word twoce, in order for it to make sense?? In other words, if the amendment references the same thing twice, can we change it both times (to the same thing, of course)???

  44. SilentTuba Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    Fifth Amendment due process, double jeopardy, self-incrimination, eminent domain.
    No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand *Poohbah*, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

    I say it’s about time we let the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos settle things.

    flintstones.jpg

  45. SilentTuba Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of *pirates*, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  46. Lalaith Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    First Amendment:

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the *bench* press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    Goes with laoai’s 2nd in #23 ;)

  47. greg Says:
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    Second Amendment
    A well regulated CONFEDERACY, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

  48. greg Says:
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    or

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear AK-47′s, shall not be infringed.

  49. Arkansas Says:
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    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free-*baser*, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

  50. greg Says:
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    Before leaving office, it is rumored that one President scrawled the following in the space above the title “The Bill of Rights,” which he’d scribbled out with a red crayon:

    Bill of *the Left*

    Historians will one day giggle at the droll humor (drool?) expressed so reminiscent of John Hancock (when he was six).

  51. Arkansas Says:
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    No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any *out* house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

  52. SimonM Says:
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    Third Amendment

    No Soldier shall, in time of peace be drawn and quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

  53. SimonM Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Second Amendment

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep Polar Bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    1_PolarBA.jpg

  54. SimonM Says:
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    Whoops! I posted before seeing this one was already up! Sorry!

  55. erumpeltin Says:
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    Second Amendment Right to keep and bear arms.

    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear *Chuck Norris*, shall not be infringed.

    chuck-norris2.jpg

  56. Arkansas Says:
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    The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the *leprechauns.

  57. Arkansas Says:
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    A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Activia, shall not be infringed.

  58. Arkansas Says:
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    Bran Muffins was two words…

  59. Iaoai Says:
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    Life, liberty, and the pursuit of getting pumped, baby!

  60. Alex Says:
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    TENTH AMENDMENT

    The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the *Fonz* respectively, or to the people.

    fonz.jpg

  61. Alex Says:
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    FIRST AMENDMENT

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble *weapons*, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    (This entry assumes a malicious time traveler.)

  62. Iaoai Says:
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    In these troubled times, we need the Fonz now more than ever.

  63. Billard Says:
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    that family guy is classic

  64. greg Says:
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    THIRD AMENDMENT : Protection from quartering

    No *orange* shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

  65. greg Says:
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    The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or *perjure*, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

  66. Zabo Says:
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    They’re always after me Constitutionally-granted Marshmallow Powers!

  67. Billard Says:
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    yabadabadoo!!!!!!

  68. Billard Says:
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    http://kavanf1.wordpress.com/2007/04/19/the-right-to-arm-bears/

    This is a great pic to go with your answer

  69. Soleil Says:
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    That’s . . . kinda wack.

    http://cache.spreadshirt.com/users/189000/188463/motives/722/188463_972722_medium.gif

    This should be on the T-shirt. :)

  70. cactusjack901 Says:
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    We’ve been promised Bear Arms and dangnabit, I want ‘em

  71. greg Says:
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    I agree. Vote Fonzarelli. He’s in it to win it, yes he can be change that is coming to country first, blahblah…

    It is so nice having our old, normal commercials back!

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