Nov 24 2008

Contest #22: Real-Life MMORPG

Category: Uncategorized @ 2:08 am

With this being Thanksgiving week, we expect participation in the contest to be lower than average. We decided it would be a good time to run a contest that might not have broad appeal, but could be very motivating to a subset of our users. This idea was thought up by user Jakutz (who will be a guest judge this week).

The contest this week is to create a new type of MMORPG (e.g. World of Warcraft) character class that corresponds to everyday life in high school, college, or the workplace. Talk about their strengths, weaknesses, and abilities.

Example: Emo. They find strength in sissy music, crying, and complaining about their lives. Weak against gym class, authority, and 9-year-old girls. At level 10 they can wear geeky glasses and gain the ability to sing like a eunuch.

Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author their choice of a $40 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $50 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.

Contest Summary
Assignment
: Invent an MMORPG character class drawn from real life.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, November 28th at 5pm EST
Prize: Your choice of a $40 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $50 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?

113 Responses to “Contest #22: Real-Life MMORPG”

  1. Mach3 Says:
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    Jock

    Strengths: +5 Bench Pressing and +7 “Getting Some” Abilities

    Weaknesses: -5 Intelligence and -10 Ability to Accomplish Anything Remotely Interesting

    Upon reaching Level 10, Jock counters Weaknesses by getting scholarship to accredited University, despite poor academic standing. Intelligence and Ability to accomplish anything go up based on Jock’s choice of Major at accredited University.

    If Level 10 is not reached within 5 years, Jock’s “Getting Some” Ability is reduced to -5


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    Category: High School
    Division: Characters that DO NOT appear in HSM (Disney) films

    SMOKER-BITCH
    You know the one. The one girl who kicked everyone’s ass in elementary on the kickball field and grew up with a chip on her shoulder that caused her to bully every boy who was shorter than she and every girl with longer hair. She has high strength with a special group-noughy attack and a +3 on all “to hit” and “damage” scores that occur within the six yards of her radius of influence centered on “her office,” the second floor girls lavatory. Her dexterity is average to high (she’s not a great bowler, but, boy! can she play softball!). Her charisma is variable and depends upon the company she keeps (SEE the Player’s Guide under “Orientation – alternatives” for more). She has an extraordinarily high constitution, perhaps because of some past pain that made her “strong.”

    She has an inate ability to “startle” people.

    She used to dress in all black before “those freakin’ Goths and that girly Hot Topic” store stole her thunder and made it commercial. She now sports her brother’s desert camo.

    WARNING: Avoid the following phonemic examples when talking near this character type, or face a +10 damage with -3 on your deflection and -2 on the next five subsequent attempts to heal: thespian, pike, grunt.


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    Category: College
    Division: Losers (Miscellaneous)

    BIG FISH DUDE?
    This character is actually an evolved form of the high school category “Most Likely to Succeed” where that character had markdedly low charisma scores. The lower the charisma score, the more often he will have to make an “ego check,” losing two points (-2) in constitution everytime the ego causes him to say some jerky thing about his mental prowess. Note that this is a possible future form of “Most Likelies” who may also, given a higher charisma score, benefit from “humility rules” and become Big Man on Campus (BMOC) rather than this BFD (Big Fish Dude? or is that Dud?).

    Those characters who attended high school with this character receive an automatic increase (up to +8) in constitution points and enjoy general well-being when they hear word of his academic ineligibility. Those he ever called “dumb,” “stupid,” or “retarded” double that. +5 if he actually asks you if you “want fries with that” +10 if you get a picture of him in his smock and mopping the floor.

  4. Mach3 Says:
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    Charismatic Non-White Super Intelligent Musical Prodidgy with Above Average Physical Ability

    Strengths: +15 everything, You Win!

    Weaknesses: Unfortunate Genetic Pre-Disposition to Drug Addiction. If Player obtains “Gateway Drug”, even indirectly, Player must restart from beginning. Three Strikes rule does apply.


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    Category: Grown-ups
    Division: Assholes

    PETTY TYRANTS
    Found in a variety of different jobs where perfectly nice people are doing perfectly splendid work, the PT is set apart from other assholes by his abundance of education. His strength and constitution must be high (20 or more) scores in order for him to be able to stomach half of the things he says or does in a day. His charisma is low, but has a phantom bloated score that may appear when he is first met but quickly fades to reveal his lack. His dexterity may be extraordinarily high, depending upon whether his job dictates that he be answerable to a supervisor or board, in which case he must be as difficult to catch as a greased pig (20+) and harder to incriminate than a pardoned politician (24+). This character will only rise to whatever level and in whatever proficiency puts him in a position of authority over a given body of people. Typical examples of maxed-out assholes include: 2nd level public school administrators, 5th level public school teachers, 14th level state troopers, 3rd level fish & game wardens, anything that carries a badge up to level 5, 2nd level service desk personnel, and 8th stage, 2nd level WalMart store managers.

    There is only one way to defeat an asshole. Give him an enema, and his head with implode.

  6. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    The Meh:

    The Meh’s strengths: they stay calm under attack, don’t allow personal relationships come between them and the goal, and will eat any food item provided them.

    They are weak in following orders, motivating others, and communicating with others on their team. Do not rely on a Meh to help build the teamwork philosophy.

    Abilities: Because Mehs are excellent at avoiding combat they can easily sneak around unobserved. The higher the level the stronger their intelligence becomes, an advantage since others don’t expect them to care about anything.

  7. Garrett Says:
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    I don’t say this often, but I wish I’d thought of that.

    +5 rhythm in exchange for -10 opportunities for advancement in the world outside of sports and pop music.

  8. Barnaby Hayes Says:
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    Honor’s English Teacher

    Strengths: +3 Hard mid-terms and +6 Evil-eye abilities

    Weaknesses: -4 Boringness and -8 Illegible writing

    At Level 15, Honor’s English Teacher converts into Assistant Vice Principal with +12 Detention-giving abilities.

  9. Garrett Says:
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    The Japanese Whaling Supporter:

    Astounding ability to process and be comfortable with superhuman leaps in logic and heart-stopping non-sequitirs.

    Weakness: Absolute inability to recognize a simple logical progression or a verifiable fact when it walks up to you and introduces itself.

    (Sorry, entering while working and blogging.)

  10. Mach3 Says:
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    Category: Workplace/General Life
    Creature: Awkward/Offensive Talkative Acquaintance

    Strengths: +10 Ability to cause uncomfortable silences, +5 Ability to cause others to laugh behind his/her back

    Weaknesses: -10 Overall Tact, -8 Ability to ascertain social uneasiness regarding unapologetically discussing politics, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, race, genocide, endangered/extinct species and sex. Also, -20 defense against big angry drunk people he shouldn’t have opened his mouth to.

    Upon reaching Maximum Power, an upgrade allows Creature to cast a Level 20 Comment, offending the whole world, and creating a worldwide awkward silence. This is shortly followed by the whole world bad-mouthing him behind his back.

  11. Mach3 Says:
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    Very stereotypical I suppose, but I wanted to get things started! The rest of my posts will not be found in HSM (or I can only assume as I have not seen it)…(ok I’ve seen it 12 times)…(just kidding)…(13)

  12. Alex Says:
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    Governator

    Requirements:
    10 Ranks Movie Star
    1 Rank Politician

    Feats:
    “Get to the chopper!”: +5 in Luck and Agility during daring escapes.
    “I’ll be back”: +5 to all combat abilities in an area that you’ve already seen before (-5 to stealth when driving a car through the wall).

    Bonuses:
    +5 in all attributes versus Girly Men.
    Gain bonus members to party when traveling through areas of political upheaval or disillusionment.

  13. rudolfs001 Says:
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    The Anime Freak

    Strengths: Coming up with impossibly creative ways to get out of situations. Very quickly drawing something – even though it doesn’t look quite like what you wanted it to.

    Weaknesses: Not very good at anything noteworthy. The first to act as a meatshield.

    This is a character that the party will rely on to draw maps, and other figures. Also the party, when under stress, will put their stress out on this character, making him useful as a verbal punching bag.

  14. rudolfs001 Says:
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    Very well written.

  15. Zabo Says:
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    [Thinks-he's-your-]Friend(-of-a-friend)

    Specialty can be entered through either the Stalker or Wannabe classes.

    Charisma is always low, but with a low intellect and inflated ego, he projects an aura of pity preventing most negative responses.

    Lower levels are seen infrequently at social gatherings, passively causing awkwardness, and are relatively easily to escape.

    Advanced characters gain the ability to be wherever you are going before you are by “hearing rumors” that sound suspiciously like listening devices and by gaining invitations of unknown origin. They will relentlessly try to insinuate themselves into the lives of other, more successful and charismatic characters.

    Beware, each concession granted to the “Friend” strengthens his tracking abilities and increases pity.

    A dangerous and ensnaring foe, be sure to avoid early at all costs, as a relationship with this character can be almost as devastating one with a Nice-date-who-turns-out-to-be-a-selfish-cheating-user-of-people-only-after-significant-investment-of-time.

  16. Bovine of Doom Says:
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    Obsessive MMO Gamer

    Strengths:
    Mouse and Keyboard Skills
    Role
    Playing
    PWNage

    Weaknesses:
    Getting Girlfriends
    Holding Jobs
    Physical Prowness
    Sexy Night Elves doing “That Dance”

    Though awkward in real-world group settings, O-MMO-Gs thrive in their online
    communities. Warning: Long hours and nights spent sitting in computer chairs
    usually lead to weight gain, trouble functioning at work, and fantasies about
    female MMO characters (who are usually played by other men) leading to
    homosexuality by proxy.


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    Wal-Mart Checkout Cleric

    Found on the front lines of economic warfare — always.

    Armor build-up:
    -Blue “How Can I Help You?” smock = +5 def.
    -Nametag (only) = +2 def.
    -additional nametag accoutrements: (varies – See rules)
    -Yellow smiley face = +2 def.
    -Truss = +9
    -Walkie-Talkie (volume set and broken at 89.5 decibels) = +6

    Always at prayer for your economic well-being, the check-out cleric can often be heard saying “Jesus Christ” and “God damn it” (apparently in reference to PLU (People Like Us) problem.

    At level 15, having stood next to the scanner for a minimum of 40 days and nights, the clerics eyes share the red criss-cross pattern of the scan window, body temperature stands at 120 degrees fahrenheit.

    At level 20, the cleric no longer uses language, but merely “beeps” in reply to verbal stimuli.

  18. dana Says:
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    Braindead Robotic Human
    This class of human is most often found in the workplace, after evolving from a more active form during either high school or college.

    Strengths: watching TV or movies, talking about TV or movies, complaining about not having enough money to go to a movie, driving to and from work and the mall, shopping.

    Weaknesses: thinking, talking about anything except TV or movies, doing anything, driving anywhere except to the mall or work, reading, planning for a future of any kind, and comprehending why it is that they go to work.

    Curiously, this creature is prone to wondering “what there is to do”. But, never seems to find anything to do. Higher levels are distinguished by the larger posterior. The inability to think does not necessarily make them friendly or funny. In fact, it can make them very cantankerous and prone to arguing with anything you say. Avoid divulging any knowledge that may threaten their cycle of oblivion, as this will cost you health and sanity. Your hope for the world may also take a hit.

  19. dana Says:
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    MMMMM, Night Elves!!

  20. dana Says:
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    Also, love the “homosexuality by proxy”.

  21. Jakutz Says:
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    You just did a great job of describing my friend’s brother.

  22. Jakutz Says:
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    “… but merely “beeps” in reply to verbal stimuli.”

    Thank you for that. :)

  23. Jakutz Says:
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    Overachiever

    Overachiever is the class you want if you plan to academically twink your character. Straight A’s are no problem with spells like Study All Night and Organize Folders. Mana can be regenerated by running for officer positions in clubs, taking classes for college credit, and doing community service.

    If you have 100% or above in a class and you still do the extra credit, you can branch into the Teacher’s Pet subclass. This will boost your brown-nosing skill, but makes it difficult to form a party with other players.

    This isn’t a very fun class to play, but it’s definitely rewarding if you’ve got the patience.

  24. jupchu Says:
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    Bitter Elementary School Art Teacher

    +10 Art Skills
    -3 Self Esteem
    +9 Grouchiness

    Special abilities include: Belittle children: gives self esteem stat a +2000 bonus for the rest of the day. Bonus can be achieved by harshly criticizing a child’s art, finishing a child’s project for them, or lecturing on topics beyond the scope of elementary school art (ie: The development of Japanese sculpture in the Kofun period). Bonus receives X4 multiplier if children are 2nd graders or lower.

  25. jupchu Says:
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    Overzealous Volunteer Fireman

    +10 community respect
    -2 Firefighting
    +25 Self-importance

    Special abilities include: In a Hurry: Just switch on battery powered yellow light on the top of your pick-up truck and get where you’re going 1 turn earlier.(In a hurry increases chances of drawing “Reckless endangerment” card)

    Note: If volunteer fireman achieves subclass of “Town Selectman” +10 bonus to all stats…except firefighting

  26. Alex Says:
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    Thumbs up for “prowness”.

  27. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Politician

    Strength 3
    Intelligence 2
    Charisma 17
    Dexterity 8
    Vitality 4

    While technically rogues, Politicians can accomplish amazing feats leading some to believe that they are spellcasters. Their high charisma and dexterity allows them to play both sides of any argument and come out on top. While physically weak, they are usually flanked by legions of high priced lawyers capable of crushing any foe under a mountain of paperwork. Though their attacks are very powerful, they require vast amounts of MONEY, which does not generate on its own, and must be pilfered from the pockets of other players.

    Diet: Pork.

    Strengths: Very adaptable. Can turn just about any situation to own advantage.

    Weaknesses: Politicians tend to have a high attraction to risk. Vulnerable to public opinion, investigative journalism, and legendary item: THE CONSTITUTION

    Special Attacks:
    Congressional Oversight – Binds enemy in a thick web of red tape rendering all attacks ineffective until the correct form has been filled out…in triplicate. Enemy also has the option of disengaging from combat through the use of the counter, BRIBE. Duration: It never ends, now get to the back of the line!

    Wag the Dog – Summon “Axle of Evil” to distract enemy into an endless fight. Meanwhile, steal all of the enemy’s armor, weapons, and money. Duration: Depends on how “evil” summoned monster looks.

    Universal Healthcare – Heals everyone in your party back to full health over a time-span of 45 years. Meanwhile, bicker with allies over who will pay for all this.

    Catch 22 – Force anyone to fight for you. If they refuse, brand them as unpatriotic and ask them why they hate freedom.

    Wiretapping – Listen in on enemy conversations so that you may learn of their plans…or where they want to go for dinner tonight. Either way.

    Extraordinary Rendition – If move, “Wiretapping” fails select any nearby player, abduct them, and beat them until they tell you something you want to hear. Warning: Can be countered by the charm, HABEUS CORPUS. Use discreetly.

    Fundrasing – Promise your party everything: New equipment, better spells, great buffs, fame, power, and glory. In exchange, take all of their MONEY. When they ask for everything you’ve promised, act like you didn’t hear them and ignore them until they forget. Note: May only be used once every 4 years.

  28. fyrtygr Says:
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    College Dropout Videohead Slacker

    This human class is found still living in their parents home much to the chagrin of their Siblings [see non-party relationships] and is often deluded that they are working toward achieving a Higher Goal [ie success with a Band]. They hold a +5 charisma with Parents and other Adults who are close to the parents and have an innate ability to “Charm” most adults as well as “Mesmerize” younger characters. Self Importance is boosted +15 when surrounded by groupies and friends who share the same delusion of Higher Goal, however, when left alone their self importance is variable as to the amount of money that they can Charm from Parents, Siblings, or Other Charitable People. The relationship of self importance is inverse to the amount of money they gain. When given free reign with the Credit Card, self importance drops to a +1 due to a +20 Selfishness score. Inversely, when not given any money, self importance is boosted to a +30 thus creating a “Cater To Me” Illness [see subclass Lazy Hypochindriac]

    Note: Upon reaching level 15 or age 40, whichever comes first, the player has to roll a defense roll against Eviction.

  29. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    I really enjoyed this one. (Especially with I’ll Be Back)

  30. IngShoe Says:
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    Workplace:
    THE GRANDBOSS (your boss’s boss)
    (will use “he” but could be “she”)

    Strengths: gains points due to having the power to demand almost anything, the ability to intimidate, and by having a vast expense account. He has the only key to the private bathroom and the private elevator.

    Weaknesses: loses points each time he’s the subject of water cooler gossip, with each trip to his shrink to deal with the stress and isolation of being top dog, and each time he switches the Musak to a non-stop audio cassette tape of Barry Manilow, The Carpenters, or The Bee Gees.

    At level 10 he can come to work in his pajamas, hire Playboy Bunnies (Chippendales if a “she”) as his immediate assistants, and survive on liquid lunches with no repercussions.

  31. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    HSM ROXXORZ

  32. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    bitter much?

  33. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    (Someone had to do this)

    Mental Magma User:

    Upon reaching level 30 Internet User, players have the option of specializing and becoming an MM User. This class gives a bonus to creativity/intelligence and a chance at a weekly gold bonus.

    After completing the MM Champion mission, characters receive a +5 charisma bonus, a coupon for a wardrobe change, and the ability to make characters of the opposite sex swoon.

    It is rumored that there is an unlockable prestige class called 2x MM Champion, but no one has ever see it.

  34. Jakutz Says:
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    Belittle Children sounds like an awesome ability. I think I’m going to try it out.

  35. Jakutz Says:
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    I sometimes try to convince my friends to go MM, but they usually only spend a couple of talent points in the tree.

  36. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=meh

    I probably should have included this link to the definition of “meh”.

  37. Billard Says:
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    Category: General Life
    Creature: Stonner

    Strengths: +5 Ability to consume considerable amounts of snacks and fast food, +10 Ability to come up with overly ambitious ideas that never work, aka pipe dreams

    Weaknesses: -5 for short term memory loss, -10 for overall lack of motivation

    The Stonner is a neutral party and is a threat to no one. They are rarely seen out and about in the world unless they are getting food, papers, or on their way to or from their dealer. They spend most of their day lounging around on a couch watching movies and TV and are rarely awake or functional before noon.

  38. pennydreadful Says:
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    Clueless Freshman

    +3 ability to hold up class as he asks “just one more question” about the upcoming test
    +7 irritation when his cell phone rings
    +10 creep factor as he stares down your neck

    Strengths: stalking, humming, chewing loudly, snorting laughter

    Weaknesses: girls (a.k.a. “hunnies”), books, deodorant

  39. Jakutz Says:
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    Stoner

    The Stoner class is good for beginners. Stoners are immune to most social insecurity attacks and their quests do not usually involve any kind of strenuous activity. They have the ability Toke, which increases creativity by 10 and lowers logic by 10.

    The stoner starts his adventure armed with only a pipe. At level 20, he learns the ability Roll J. This is useful because if he finds himself unarmed, he can create a weapon that lasts temporarily. At level 40, a stoner can wield a bong.

    Stoners can summon an imaginary nature elemental to aid them in battle. These pets cannot actually deal any damage, but it evens out because a stoner’s enemies are also imaginary.

    At higher levels a stoner has no idea what’s going on.

  40. Jakutz Says:
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    Sorry about the repeat, Billard. I was planning on entering this one before I saw your post. :)

  41. ZABO Says:
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    and it’s not even bitterness for myself, haha

  42. Billard Says:
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    It’s all good Jakutz i wish we could put ours together as one cause ill admit i wanted go the route you did but didn’t know how to word it properly

  43. Billard Says:
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    Category: Night Life
    Creature: Cockblock

    Strengths: +5 Ability to keep attractive friend from consuming desired amount of alcohol, +10 Ability to find any minute detail about you and flip it to make you look bad

    Weaknesses: ?

    The Cockblock is a crafty creature. She is usually overweight and/or unattractive to the point that alcohol doesn’t help. However the Cockblock is aware of her lack of appeal which makes her even more dangerous. She is considered vary bitchy and capable of ending the night at any moment because she is always the designated driver. She keeps a close eye on her flock of attractive friends making sure never to let them out of her sight. The Cockblock gets her power from ruining your night because her motto is “If I can’t get any”¦.then neither can you.”

  44. Mach3 Says:
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    Category: College
    Creature: Speaks his mind/Asks too many questions in lecture guy

    Abilities Include:

    +5 Verbal Masturbatory Attack
    +3 Pseudo-British Accent Spell
    +10 “That Wasn’t Even a Question, Who the Hell Does This Guy Think he is?!” Bonus

    Vulnerabilties:

    -5 Psychological Fortitude Due to Repressed Self-Loathing Manifested Through Pompous Douchery
    -10 Ability to Make Friends Outside of His Skewed Perception of Reality

    At Level 20, Creature may upgrade to “Stuck Up College Professor”, making him impervious to previous weaknesses, and practically invincible, again, at least from his skewed perception of reality.

  45. Bovine of Doom Says:
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    I knew a guy who got kicked off my ship and out of the Navy
    for “his problem.”

  46. rudolfs001 Says:
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    I love the name of this.

  47. What Says:
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    Modern Laborer

    Class:
    Ranges from “Lower” to “Upper-middle”

    Armor:
    College degree: Roll two dice, and add 12. This is how many years you will spend in “school.”
    2-3 years = Associate, +3 contentment points
    4-5 years = Bachelor, +5 contentment points, +2 disillusionment points
    6-9 years = Master, +7 contentment points, +5 disillusionment points
    10-12 years = Doctor, +9 contentment points, +9 disillusionment points

    In “school” you will gain “debt” at a rate of 30,000X dollars per year, where X is
    .5 for Associate (2-3 years)
    1 for Bachelors (4-5 years)
    2 for Masters (6-9 years)
    3 for Doctorate (10-12 years)

    Once “school” is complete, you will earn “income” at a rate of 40,000 times X dollars per year. Once “debt” is payed off, +3 contentment points, +10 casual spending, +3 mid life crisis points.

    Collar:
    “Blue” if “income” is $20,000, +3 society points
    “Off-White” if “income” is $40,000-$80,000, +7 society points
    “White” if “income” is $120,000, +12 society points

  48. Jakutz Says:
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    Yeah, I wasn’t even thinking about munchies, but it’s one of the most important aspects of a stoner.

  49. Mach3 Says:
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    the title of the game: World of American Capitalism

  50. What Says:
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    Class: High Society

    Roll 5 dice.
    If the total is 30, you start the game as a member of High Society.

    Armor:
    Silver Spoon: +10 social potential, +15 skewed world perspective
    Trust fund: Impervious to any real world problems, +20 evasion of law
    Family Legacy: +15 social potential, +10 Ivy League education, +20 unqualified overpaid career

    Weapons:
    Fat Wallet: Ability to buy and sell other players,
    Clout: Can suggest the game undergo a rule change at any point
    Snowball Capitalism: Turns money into more money, no work required

    Special Attacks:
    High Society members may group together to become lobbyists for various profitable and elitist institutions, affecting the rules of the game. If 3 or more High Society members support one cause, they are unstoppable.

    Weaknesses:
    Proletariat Uprising: At any point in the game, all players who aren’t High Society class may roll 10 dice. If the total is above 55 they are angry enough with the Status Quo, and all High Society members are killed.

  51. Zabo Says:
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    Proletariat Uprising=awesome

    2 thumbs

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