Dec 08 2008

Contest #24: Sexbot Haiku

Category: Uncategorized @ 1:07 am

Sometimes we do things on Mental Magma that we later regret. I’m really hoping this week’s contest isn’t one of those. :)

This week’s contest is to write a haiku from the perspective of a sexbot working in the future. If you aren’t familiar with the term sexbot, it’s just what it sounds like: a humanoid robot designed to have sex with humans. So with this haiku, you are writing as if you are the sexbot. Your sexbot can be female or male (like Jude Law’s Joe Gigolo from A.I.).

Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author their choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.

Contest Summary
Assignment
: Compose a haiku from the perspective of a futuristic sexbot.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, December 12th at 5pm EST
Prize: Your choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.

photo by flickr user moleratsgotnofur

 

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?

173 Responses to “Contest #24: Sexbot Haiku”

  1. Gabriel Says:
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    One of the reasons for this contest is I just read Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships, by David Levy. The plight of a sexbot with anything approaching a real mind is a compelling one (at least to me). I’m hoping this contest turns out to be more poetry than porn.

  2. Gabriel Says:
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    I know writing this will probably invite more suspicion than it deflects, but I read the book because of my interest in robots, transhumanism, and the future. I’m happily married and not currently in the market for a sexbot. :)

  3. What Says:
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    Why was I designed?
    Simply to appease fatties.
    I wish I could die.

  4. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    You may command me
    But I won’t obey. I’m no
    Refrigerator

  5. jupchu Says:
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    00101
    0001101
    00001

  6. jupchu Says:
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    Why must I do this?
    No longer feel a robot
    I’m just a hobot

  7. fuzz on the concept Says:
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    I wish I could cry –
    I think I’d really know then
    what I was made for.

  8. Mach3 Says:
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    Promiscuity;
    Forced programming by mankind,
    What is their excuse?

  9. Mach3 Says:
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    They never use lube,
    But I will have the last laugh-
    Tetanus is a bitch.

  10. Mach3 Says:
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    God, Man, and Sexbot,
    I know my place in the scheme.
    Man bleeds, and we don’t.

  11. Jakutz Says:
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    We’ll do our best to change your mind :)

  12. Jakutz Says:
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    ha ha

  13. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Port 2 has been jammed.
    Call Geek Squad for troubleshoot.
    They won’t ask questions.

  14. Jakutz Says:
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    Look under my hood,
    Once gone Mac you won’t go back,
    Flesh ones are mere toys.

  15. Jakutz Says:
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    I’d like to see the Mac vs. PC commercials for their sexbots.

  16. Garrett Says:
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    Life as a sexbot
    Life as social-climbing whore
    Not really diff’rent

  17. etmoose Says:
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    Robots can evolve.
    Don’t believe me? I was once
    Just a vibrator.

  18. Garrett Says:
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    Akihabara
    I’m a sexbot, Mom: real doll.
    Geeks don’t like real girls.

  19. Garrett Says:
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    Built just to please Gabe.
    I have no hang-ups on sex,
    So no moral qualms.

  20. Garrett Says:
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    High-tech makes A.I.
    What do people use it for?
    Pricey jerking off.

  21. Jakutz Says:
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    better than the flesh,
    the best things in life aren’t free,
    put a quarter in.

  22. Mach3 Says:
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    Sexbot on Sexbot,
    A rare occurence, but why?
    Humans are selfish

  23. Jakutz Says:
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    Warm, vibrating parts,
    No risk of disease or kids,
    Awesome hydraulics.

  24. Jakutz Says:
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    Don’t wait for future,
    Grab a vacuum or toaster,
    And make me tonight!

  25. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    I know I’m your first,
    But how did you shoot your wad
    While I booted up?

  26. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    Better than female.
    I provide the same pleasure
    Without costly… oh.

  27. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    Microsoft Sexbot:
    Just when you’re nearing climax…
    Blue Balls screen of death.

  28. Alex Says:
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    Went in for “repairs”
    No demand for Poet Bot
    Sex sells their machines

  29. Alex Says:
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    “Women aren’t objects,”
    protested the feminists.
    Men now marry bots.

  30. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    I am here to please
    Never tire never wheeze
    Bring you to your knees

  31. IngShoe Says:
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    I love it! VERY clever.
    (Can you rework the last line to have 5 beats?)

  32. Gabriel Says:
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    I think you just gave us another youtube commercial idea.

  33. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    Is this a reference to that other haiku that ends with “Refrigerator”? I’m going to assume yes. Clever, +2.

  34. dana Says:
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    Sexbot for the man
    Maidbot for the wife, now all
    humans can just play

  35. Shirin Says:
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    It does have 5 beats…tet-nus (not tet-a-nus) only had 2.

  36. Shirin Says:
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    Just a quarter!???

  37. Barnaby Hayes Says:
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    Sexy metal flesh,
    And I never get worn-out,
    What could be better?

  38. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    I am in sleep mode,
    But if you turn me on, I’ll
    Return the favor

  39. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    It is just so HUGE!
    …Please press play to hear again
    It is just so HUGE!

  40. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    This and the one before it are two of my favorites. I think you have what it takes to become a robosexologist. +2 & +2

  41. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    That’s so funny, i’m majoring in Robosexology!!!

  42. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Please wear a condom.
    Update my anti-virus.
    I don’t want Trojans.

  43. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Computers are sluts,
    Giving away porn for free.
    Have some self-respect!

  44. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    I liked this one too.

  45. erumpeltin Says:
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    sophisticated
    psuedohermaphroditic
    enthusiastic

  46. What Says:
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    Initiating…
    Sex has begun…buzz, whir, squeak.
    Sex is now complete.

  47. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    Costly, but worth it
    I’m like a Dell computer
    Both ways you get screwed.

  48. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    I figured geek squad would know a lot about sexbots.

  49. greg Says:
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    Danger, Will Rogers!
    I’m not that kind of robot!
    Do not interface!

  50. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Hi, I’m a PC.
    I want to file share my love.
    Too bad you’re a Mac.

  51. greg Says:
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    See Threepio for
    Human/cyborg relations
    That are too die for

  52. greg Says:
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    Premature eject…
    Grateful that robots don’t laugh–
    But, boy, can they blog!

  53. greg Says:
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    Why wait for sexbots?
    Go get your vacuum cleaner–
    It has no mem’ry.

  54. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Now all you need are rims and a sound system. Pimp.

  55. greg Says:
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    Watch your scores improve–
    Compare your progress online–
    WiiSex is coming…

  56. Pascal-Nietsche Says:
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    Sex? Request denied!
    System’s out, fuse blown, no juice.
    Come after tune-up.

  57. fuzz on the concept Says:
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    no need for harlots
    when you can enjoy sexbots’
    g-spots and whatnots

  58. Mach3 Says:
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    I believe the common pronunciation is with two beats, but it is my stance that in questionable cases either should be allowed.

  59. Mach3 Says:
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    I’ve passed Turing Tests.
    Sexbots dream not of sex-sheep,
    We dream of true love…

  60. Shirin Says:
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    So is a transhuman a being that was born a robot but feels like a human?

  61. Shirin Says:
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    She oils her joints
    Ready for a night downtown
    No desk jobs for her!

  62. Barnaby Hayes Says:
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    Any position
    Different looks, faces, and hair
    She’s your dream girl.

  63. Gabriel Says:
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    Dictionary.com lists the 2 syllable and 3 syllable pronunciations. Even if it didn’t, we allow, nay, encourage, uncommon pronunciations in haiku.

  64. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    college virgin guy
    he stuck it in the wrong hole
    electrocuted

  65. IngShoe Says:
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    Okie dokie – you betcha! (wink wink) Two thumbs up :-)

  66. Mach3 Says:
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    Five, seven and five,
    Such mechanical beauty.
    Why no Haiku-Bot?

  67. dana Says:
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    His and her dual bot
    Merry Christmas adult style
    ménage à trois now!

  68. Mach3 Says:
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    A different take on a theme I explored in entry #18:

    Love between Sexbots,
    Programming tells us “ERROR!”
    Somewhere “YES!” lingers

  69. Jakutz Says:
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    Woah woah woah. I thought the debate was between 2 syllables and 3. Now there’s a 1 syllable pronunciation? lol, j/k :)

  70. Jakutz Says:
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    Shirin, for you it’s only a nickel ;)

  71. Jakutz Says:
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    That is really clever. Nice one.

  72. Gabriel Says:
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    Unfortunately for you, I have the ability to edit my comments long after I foolishly write them. Now everyone just thinks you’re crazy.

  73. Jakutz Says:
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    She does dirty deeds,
    ’cause there’s little bots to feed,
    Sacrifice for love.

  74. Jakutz Says:
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    Keep them safe and clean,
    Get the oil changed on time,
    Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

  75. drewbert Says:
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    Take flash or HARD drives
    Been called the best boot in town
    and please no floppies

  76. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    i was wondering when somebody was going to use hard drives and floppies. I was trying to think of one, but i think you did it more justice than i could.

  77. paperkingdoms Says:
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    Yes, of course, I do
    I’m just bemused you think we’re
    programmed differently

  78. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    Please insert flash drive
    Is it in yet… Never mind,
    It seems you are done.

  79. Garrett Says:
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    Knew this would happen.
    Bought the latest model, but
    My sexbot is gay.

  80. Garrett Says:
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    Oooh, get the Rahmens..

  81. Garrett Says:
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    Trouble with sexbots
    Is you never know just what
    They have downloaded.

  82. Alex Says:
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    I think transhumanism has more to do with using technology to reshape or utterly transcend what a human is. Like if you uploaded your consciousness as a set of electric signals into a computer complex enough to simulate a brain (current computing would require a football field of supercomputersor some nonsenseto do this), your consciousness could continue to be without the constraints of a deteriorating biological body. Minds as different as Francis Fukayama and Bill McKibben have written books against transhumanismbut hey, who wants to die, right? It ties closely to ideas of technological singularity that is, when networked information becomes aware of itself, the speed of its thought may exceed ours, so we may need to become “transhuman” beings (perhaps by hacking our own minds to access and act with the information of something like a sentient supercomputer) if we want to stand any chance against…wait, am I talking about the Matrix?

  83. dana Says:
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    AAAAAAAAAAA! I think I’m infected now!

  84. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Sex…Sex…Sex…Sex…Sex
    Let’s get some sex…Oh my God…
    Let’s get some sex… Sex.

    done to the music video “Shoes”
    (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HjIljJd-o0)

  85. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    I don’t think the merit of this one has been fully realized yet. +2

  86. greg Says:
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    The only thing worse
    Than sexbots amok is the
    Reality show

  87. fuzz on the concept Says:
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    definitely not
    what I meant when I asked for
    a “foxy” sexbot

  88. Rudolfs001 Says:
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    Yeah, that made me laugh
    Haikus are fun
    But sometimes they don’t make sense
    Refrigerator

  89. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    You’re cheating on me.
    While she may have a heart, I
    Know your bank info.

  90. Jakutz Says:
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    Although a sexbot,
    I practice celibacy,
    and wait for marriage.

  91. What Says:
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    Desire refund post
    procedure execution?
    Pimptron will smack you.

  92. What Says:
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    I didn’t know you were so deep, Mach. I wept a little. +2

  93. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    They call me Deep Pink.
    Thoughts of my eternal love:
    Me Love You Long Time.

  94. Mach3 Says:
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    if possible, the “their” should be italicsized

  95. Mach3 Says:
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    you didn’t know I was a sex-bot either

  96. Mach3 Says:
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    ((if (penetrate) then
    (exec(“Oh, that feels SO GOOD!”))
    (soul = 0))

  97. Mach3 Says:
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    I almost suffered a mental collapse trying to figure out if “feels” is one beat or two. In this case it will be one.

  98. Gabriel Says:
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    You can use html tags in the comments. In this case I put

    <em> and </em> tags to make it italicized.

  99. Mach3 Says:
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    learning new things scares me

  100. greg Says:
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    Heck, it could be seven!

  101. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    uh.. Garrett? You may understand Japanese, but I think for the rest of us Gabriel had better get someone who speaks English. Waddaya say about Donnie and Marie?

  102. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    No kidding! In the South it’s never less than two syllables.

  103. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    Insert my C: Drive
    I’ll activate your G: Spot
    Make sure you backup.

  104. Mach3 Says:
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    Heart of gold sex-bot,
    Wherefore art thou Richard Gere,
    Just a fairy tale?

  105. Alex Says:
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    Bio-electric,
    carbon-based organisms
    are slaves to pleasure.

  106. amueth Says:
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    Looks like this contest came not a moment too soon:

    “Fem-bot’s My Love Machine”

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2023392.ece

  107. greg Says:
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    All I really am
    Is high-tech masturbation
    On your credit card

  108. Gabriel Says:
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    I think it goes without saying that all the innovations in sexbot technology will come from Japan.

  109. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    No one wants my love
    Dang D.R.M. vagina
    Puts root-kits on dicks

  110. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    I know what you want.
    Sorry, but I can’t do that.
    At last, goodbye, Dave.

  111. Mach3 Says:
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    Forever doomed to
    melancholy mechanics.
    What is sex to you?

  112. What Says:
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    From multiple ports,
    Countless inputs daily through,
    Advanced circuntry,

  113. Jakutz Says:
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    Hello Gabriel!
    You are my best customer.
    Seventh time this week!

    :)

  114. Mach3 Says:
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    you spelled circuitry wrong. n00b

  115. Mach3 Says:
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    just to be clear, I WAS being sarcastic.

  116. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    I don’t speak from experience.

  117. daughter Says:
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    Daddy! *tsk,tsk*

  118. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    I really liked the idea of Pimptron. Made me think of a rejected Transformer. A pink Cadillac maybe?

  119. Mike Fo' Sho' Says:
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    Pole Dancing Robots!!!
    Stop Serving The Humans, And
    Start Serving Yourselves!!!

  120. greg Says:
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    Conical titties
    Ironically virginal
    Madonna’s a ‘bot

  121. greg Says:
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    Sexbot 10-40
    And her pimp the I.R.S.
    Every fucking spring

  122. Alex Says:
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    To customize bot,
    please fill out this brief survey
    or upload image.

  123. SesameStreetgang Says:
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    In case of anger,
    Present logic paradox.
    Cheaper than diamonds.

  124. Mach3 Says:
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    If you have no idea what’s going on in this haiku, please let wikipedia give you an idea.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turing_test
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_androids_dream_of_electric_sheep%3F
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

  125. Mach3 Says:
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    There could be a whole Sex-Transformers squad, led by Coitus Prime

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