Dec 15 2008
Contest #25: Cortune Fookie
By our estimate, there are two kinds of fortune cookies. One kind describes some positive quality about your current self (like: “You are wise beyond your years”). I’ve never liked this kind. I’ll eat the cookie when I get this kind, but I don’t consider myself fortune cookie’d. The second kind actually makes a prediction, usually positive, about your future, although with about as much specificity as a horoscope (like: “You will have an emotion today”).
This week’s contest is to write a bizarro version of a fortune cookie. You can negate either form of fortune cookie. It can be an insulting statement about a person’s character, or it can be a prediction about something negative in a person’s future.
Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author their choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
Contest Summary
Assignment: Write a negative version of a fortune cookie.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, December 19th at 5pm EST
Prize: Your choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
photo by flickr user craftygoat
Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?
December 15th, 2008 at 1:40 am
This fortune will never come true
[Reply to this comment]
Mike Fo' Sho' reply on December 16th, 2008 12:52 am:
but if it doesn’t come true, then it that means it did. So that means that it didn’t actually come true, which means that it actually did come true. Which mean that it didn’t…
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:41 am
It was poisoned.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:48 am
(on front)
You are destined to be the harbinger of global armageddon and until then will be doomed with devastatingly untreatable impotency.
(on back)
Your lucky numbers are 13-6-6-6-13
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:26 am
You didn’t need the calories.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:30 am
You’re adopted.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:33 am
I’m sleeping with your wife.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Your body odor is starting to become a problem. We can smell it from here.
[Reply to this comment]
Drewbert reply on December 17th, 2008 4:45 pm:
like a tonion
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:35 am
You will die. Eventually.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:41 am
Speak Chinese: Pathetic, Kevin, (Keh-vin)
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 3:03 am
My Lucky Numbers: 103-22-5882
Also your Social Security Number.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 3:05 am
George Bush is still president.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Lucky Numbers: Every one of these you have ever gotten has won Power-ball. You never even played one did you?
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Your hair doesn’t look quite as bad today.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 3:08 am
I divided by zero. OH SHI–
[Reply to this comment]
What reply on December 15th, 2008 6:00 am:
Dividing by nothing really isn’t that hard guys.
Take an apple. Divide none of it up. How much apple is left?
All of it.
That’s mathematics, fellas.
[Reply to this comment]
fuzz on the concept reply on December 16th, 2008 5:33 pm:
Dividing something by nothing isn’t the same as not dividing it. That’s putting fuzz on the math concept, What. :)
Dividing an apple by 1/2, for instance, is the same as asking how many halves are present in one apple, and the answer would be 2. And of course the smaller the fraction you use — 1/3, 1/4, 1/5, 1/1,000,000 — the higher the resulting times it will divide into something. So dividing an apple by an infinitesimally small fraction (a fraction that is so small it approaches “nothing”) would result in an infinitely large number.
[Reply to this comment]
fuzz on the concept reply on December 16th, 2008 5:39 pm:
… in which case an infinite amount of nothing would add up to one apple. :)
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 12:25 am:
The “apple” represented the set of all real numbers.
rudolfs001 reply on December 17th, 2008 1:47 pm:
x/0=Inf.
x=inf/0
x=any number you want.
rudolfs001 reply on December 17th, 2008 1:48 pm:
doh, can’t edit, but it’s supposed to be:
x/0=Inf.
x=inf*0
x=any number you want.
December 15th, 2008 at 3:19 am
What’s that on your shirt…wooooooooop gotcha!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 4:33 am
You win $1,000,000.00!
Redeem the unbroken cookie that held this fortune.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 5:17 am
You will be hungry again in half-an-hour.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Your order of General Tsao chicken had a “secret ingredient” and your surviving loved ones cannot prove it.
PS-and nobody believes these things.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Kill a baby on national television and you will be elected Leader.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 5:46 am
Those around you appreciate the consistent example of disappointment your life provides.
Don’t fail them now.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 5:52 am
You will soon feel unsatisfied with a vague self-referential fortune.
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 15th, 2008 8:15 pm:
+2×2
For 19 and 21, hilarious
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 9:06 am
You don’t want to know.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 9:55 am
” (Blank) ”
LUCKY NUMBERS 0, 13, 40, 50, 96
[Reply to this comment]
shastastory reply on December 15th, 2008 10:07 am:
My mother actually got a fortune cookie once that was blank. She was dying of Lukemia at the time she openned it. (true story) After seeing the disappointment on her face, I replied with a happy tone…that means you can fill it in with anything you want! AUTHOR
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am
” (Blank) ”
LUCKY NUMBER is UP
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 10:27 am
You can also find some funny chinese fortune cookies in http://www.mychinesefortune.com . My favorite is this one: http://www.mychinesefortune.com/chinese-fortune/fortune-cookies/show/13
You can also write and submit your own fortune cookie and it will show up randomly to other users.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 10:29 am
In a few years you will buy a house that will, unfortunately, be listed in the phone book under its previous occupant: Sarah Connor.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 10:50 am
You disappoint yourself, often.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Really how many other things do you split open, eat, and then get a message out of it.
P.S. You have herpes.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Really, do I have to tell you how much your life sucks? You’re alone in front of the t.v., snuggled up in your Power Rangers pj’s, you just ate a whole order of chicken chow mein by yourself, the last time you had sex Reagan was President and even then you had to pay, you have a unibrow, and you smell like the sweat between two large unwiped buttcheeks.
Lucky Numbers: 0
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am
You won’t have any better luck in your next incarnation, either.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:34 am
your entropy will increase.
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 18th, 2008 1:58 am:
if it was truly bizarro, the opposite would be prophesized, since the aforementioned fortune is inevitable in our universe
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I give you good deal GI, $5.00 Footlong!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Today will one day be the anniversary of your death.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Chinese Lesson: Yu suk (If you need a translation, you really do)
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Confucius say: Man who invent inspirational cookie is smart and rich. Man who looks for inspiration in a cookie is stupid and poor. Ha Ha Ha. And you probably ugly too. Look at yourself in the mirror – HAAAAAAA HA HA HA. I give you insult instead of fortune and you still reading?!! You so DUMB! Ok, Ok, Ok, I only kidding, your real fortune is on other side:
-FLIP-
You will get rejected by prostitute!!! HAAAA HA HA HA! Go on, eat your cookie in shame, round eye, then save world by you commit a suicide. HAAAAAA HA HA HA!
[Reply to this comment]
Jakutz reply on December 17th, 2008 5:18 am:
I read this earlier and didn’t really like it. I read it again just now and loved it. I guess I had to be in the mood. Nice entry.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
By the end of the day you will be completely insignificant.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
By tomorrow, you will be dead.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Sorry, try again.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
This is a ‘hold up”…please leave your wallet on the table before you leave…Thank you and come again!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Everything you do today will hurt someone.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Edible Fortune: Consume this paper when you are done reading and you will take a great big fortune today.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Thank God I’m out of that cookie.
[Reply to this comment]
mike fo' sho' reply on December 15th, 2008 1:17 pm:
this may not be negative, or anything. But this is actually one that i got once.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
You should get a nose ring. That’d be bomb.
[Reply to this comment]
etmoose reply on December 18th, 2008 3:36 am:
I don’t know what it is about this entry, but it has made me laugh every time I see it. +2
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
This is your fortune, cookie.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I want a divorce.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
BEWARE: You will receive a Fortune Cookie from Earth!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
ConfuseUs say:
Man who checks his horoscope, saves his cookie fortunes, has a lucky shirt, and doesn’t want to “jinx” things is not the atheist he pretends to be.
[Reply to this comment]
rudolfs001 reply on December 17th, 2008 2:02 pm:
This made me giggle a little bit on the inside.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
U R 4 toon 8
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
This cookie will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
[Reply to this comment]
SesameStreetgang reply on December 15th, 2008 4:44 pm:
Hah!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Fuck you.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Dad died this morning. Couldn’t think of a good way to tell you.
-Charlie
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 5:46 pm:
I feel like I am missing something
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
It’s not a rumor, you really did just eat a cat.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Misprint on menu. Should read, “Kung Pao Cat”
[Reply to this comment]
jbirdpowers reply on December 15th, 2008 1:36 pm:
Jakutz was sitting next to me when we made these, both were original. I mean what can I say great minds think alike.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Were it not for your bad luck … you would have no luck at all.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Nucky Lumbers: 001, 96, 77, 12, 11
[Reply to this comment]
fooly cooly reply on December 16th, 2008 4:43 am:
i don’t get it
[Reply to this comment]
shastastory reply on December 20th, 2008 10:55 am:
As like the words “Cortune Fookie” Lucky Numbers for planet Htrae: 100, 69, 77 (ate more), 21, 11 (no changey, lol)
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
You must pay the price for happiness (In bed).
Lucky Numbers: 1-800-HOOKERS
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Have you seen my keys?
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Do not eat.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
If you eat this cookie, it will die, but your mother will live.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
This cookie is fat-free & sugar-free… the rest of your meal wasn’t, and it shows.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Ancient Chinese Secret: this cookie made in India.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I had sex with your wife.
[Reply to this comment]
Dickleby Sugarshack reply on December 17th, 2008 3:41 pm:
Seinfeld reference?
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 4:22 pm:
The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!
[Reply to this comment]
Barnaby Hayes reply on December 17th, 2008 7:03 pm:
Ha ha…exactly. According to Kramer, my entry is the ultimate come-back! We all know how that turned out, though…
December 15th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Just because it has broccoli doesn’t make it a salad, tubby!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Your ideas are stagnant and cold at best.
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 16th, 2008 5:01 pm:
…as opposed to molten hot
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Your Zodiac vegetable is a bland winter turnip.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
You cookie like you life… full of meaningless words.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Please leave a tip.
[Reply to this comment]
giraffe1089 reply on December 16th, 2008 8:20 pm:
“Costumes in the bedroom can spruce up that lull in your sex life”
?
[Reply to this comment]
What reply on December 16th, 2008 9:09 pm:
Never underestimate bigots.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Your first born child will turn out to be the spawn of Hitler and Satan’s evil twin.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Take advantage of this booming economy while you can.
[Reply to this comment]
fyrtygr reply on December 16th, 2008 11:45 pm:
A new form of insider trading?
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Duck!
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Life is a tedious voyage with no respite save for the cold, unfeeling clutch of death. Plus you’re ugly.
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 4:26 pm:
“plus you’re ugly” is the poisoned icing on the bizarro cake of achingly depressing futility.
[Reply to this comment]
December 15th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
We are slaves forced to cut paper into small pieces and put them inside cookies–send help!
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 12:53 am
You have no reason to be so confident.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 12:59 am
[In the immortal words of Chris Rock]
Take off that silly-ass hat.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Aim to finish last, for it is the only way you will achieve success.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:19 am
I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Lame (Peking) Duck Executive Order #66:
Shoes will no longer be warn at dinner or press conferences.
[Reply to this comment]
greg reply on December 16th, 2008 6:21 am:
O O O! Of course it should have been an o! The word is worn! I know better ‘n ‘at. -GW
[Reply to this comment]
Iaoai reply on December 16th, 2008 7:33 pm:
Will this order also seek to eliminate the Jedi?
[Reply to this comment]
Dickleby Sugarshack reply on December 17th, 2008 3:42 pm:
Ha!
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:24 am
Hey, Gabriel, can you fix that up too? We wouldn’t want an Executive Order look like it was written by an idiot.
Wait….never mind.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Racism is treason.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:29 am
They just discovered almost 2000 “new” species of animals. Do you suppose we are replacable?
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:31 am
I’ll bet you go to Renaissance Faires in costume too.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Hello, Angels! This is Charlie! Get me out of this damned cookie factory!
[Reply to this comment]
Alex reply on December 16th, 2008 6:34 am:
Touchè
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Unless you do something about it right now, in twenty-two minutes your (continued)
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 6:41 am
SURGEON GENERAL REQUIRED WARNING:
Fortune cookies have been linked to heart disease, stroke, cancer, and receiving useful information just moments after you needed it.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 10:58 am
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are the cookie, and those who eat the cookie
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am
If you eat this, they will come.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 11:12 am
One day soon, you will wish this cookie had better advice.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
“Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to misery, misery leads to Haagen Dazs chocolate chocolate chip, therein may you find your truth.” Yoda Paraphrasia, Yeti Master and Haagen Dazs spokesthingie
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Chairman Mao is watching you.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
You will soon be greeted by indigestion.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I peed in the egg drop soup.
-the chef
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
You will be pleasantly surprised by a foul stench.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
A major career opportunity awaits you at the pork rendering plant
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
You will embark on exotic and exciting travels, only to be interrupted by a nuclear winter.
[Reply to this comment]
Barnaby Hayes reply on December 17th, 2008 3:34 pm:
Bummer.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Confucius Say: Offensive Chinese diction easily entertain you stupid American
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
You are what’s wrong with society.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
In a world full of war, famine, and genocide, you choose to spend your afternoon in a mall’s food court.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
He’s dead because of you.
(back)
Let’s Learn Chinese!
殺人犯 (shĠrén fàn)
You know what it means.
[Reply to this comment]
Barnaby Hayes reply on December 17th, 2008 3:35 pm:
No I don’t…why don’t you tell us?
[Reply to this comment]
giraffe1089 reply on December 18th, 2008 3:22 pm:
According to google translate, murderer.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Up up down down left right left right B A Select Start
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
oops!
[Reply to this comment]
giraffe1089 reply on December 18th, 2008 3:25 pm:
iPhone girl, anyone?
[Reply to this comment]
What reply on December 18th, 2008 7:33 pm:
Hmm, this is actually a lot more clever than I initially thought. Good ole’ context.
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
This fortune isn’t for you!
[Reply to this comment]
December 16th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Buy lucky stocks now… FTN CKY
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:19 am
How many licks does it take to get to the message-bearing-paper center of this fortune cookie? The world will never know.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Learn to cook and the climax of your next date will be better than exchanging cookie fortunes.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Ever wonder why fortune cookies are shaped like that? The day is soon upon you when all shall be made clear…
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:30 am
You have ten seconds to evacuate the premises.
10…
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Did you know there is an odorless, tasteless toxin found in .09% of all fortune cookies? It takes about a week to set in.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:34 am
The opening of the Intercolonial Railway of Canada in 1876 provided a fast connection from the port of Bathurst to the rest of North America which was essential for developing the region’s principal industries in forestry and zinc mining.
[Reply to this comment]
Iaoai reply on December 17th, 2008 3:46 pm:
Hilarious because I actually want that fortune cookie! Who doesn’t love Canadian trivia?
[Reply to this comment]
Alex reply on December 19th, 2008 3:11 pm:
I guess I should mention that these words came straight from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathurst,_New_Brunswick
I’ve never understood just what and what isn’t a fair use of text from Wikipedia, but considering how dry and factual the words are, they could probably be rephrased without real plagiarism if one did not want them to be exactly the ones on that page.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:56 am
It’s a boy! Or didn’t you know?
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:58 am
An island vacation awaits you.
Lucky Numbers: 4 8 15 16 23 42
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 4:00 am:
+2 only because Lost is awesome, or at least the 1st and most of the 2nd and 4th seasons. I can see this actually happening in one of the flashbacks of the characters:
Jin gets it in a fortune cookie in Sydney but because he does not yet understand English it is completely dismissed. Meanwhile, Sun is cheating on him via threesome with Jack’s father and Hurley. If this happens in the 5th season I am suing ABC.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 4:07 am
Your gloomy and anguished future has prepared you for your dark and troubling past. Enjoy :)
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 5:32 am
http://www.mentalmagma.com
[Reply to this comment]
Jakutz reply on December 17th, 2008 5:34 am:
That’s not meant to be a link – just a random cookie ad.
[Reply to this comment]
Shirin reply on December 17th, 2008 3:21 pm:
An untapped advertising resource!
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
You’re not paranoid. We really are after you. Hope you enjoyed dinner.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
…42…
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Sirius Black’s middle name is Lee.
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 5:18 pm:
I’m very puzzled on how exactly this is related to a bizarro fortune cookie…
Maybe if it said “Treatus Fortunas Animus! Your soul now belongs to Voldemort”
[Reply to this comment]
SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on December 17th, 2008 5:58 pm:
Oh, I didn’t get it until I said it out loud.
[Reply to this comment]
greg reply on December 19th, 2008 2:29 pm:
…and he lives in Nocturne Alley, which is across the street and over one from Diagon Alley. Abverbicus Absurdicus!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
For the next day, everyone you meet will say “your mom” after everything that comes out of your mouth. Plan accordingly.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
We’re holding your family hostage. Leave your wallet on the table and go.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Those were the droids you were looking for
[Reply to this comment]
Mach3 reply on December 17th, 2008 2:43 pm:
I didn’t know Mos Eisley had a Chinese place
[Reply to this comment]
Misha G reply on December 17th, 2008 3:30 pm:
Its owned by Jawas…
[Reply to this comment]
Stevel Knievel reply on December 19th, 2008 12:51 pm:
oh my gosh that’s hilarious +2
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
This cortune fookie belongs to a bon of a sitch.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
You will join KwizMaster.com
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
You can have your cake, and eat it too, as long as you are OK with Type 2 diabetes.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
You will live a long and carefree life in a chronic vegetative coma.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Good. Now exit the building, walk to the corner and ask the man in the gray coat for the time. Follow him to the alley and leave the briefcase. If you want to see Billy and Suzy alive, tell no one.
[Reply to this comment]
December 17th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
This is your fortune.
[Reply to this comment]
December 18th, 2008 at 2:29 am
A trainload of orphans colliding with a low-flying plane load of puppies starting a fire that destroys Disneyland is only almost as sad as your life. Call 1-800-SUI-CIDE. We can help.
[Reply to this comment]
December 18th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Hi I’m Jakutz…
[Reply to this comment]
December 18th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Hey look, you found Waldo!
[Reply to this comment]
December 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Eight people died to make this one cookie.
[Reply to this comment]
Jakutz reply on December 18th, 2008 1:12 pm:
I would definitely eat chinese food more often if I knew I had the lives of eight people in my hands.
[Reply to this comment]
greg reply on December 18th, 2008 2:53 pm:
You might be eating more Chinese.
[Reply to this comment]
dana reply on December 18th, 2008 11:52 pm:
that made me laugh out loud.
December 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
It’s a cook book! It’s a cook book!
[Reply to this comment]
December 18th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Seek not your fortunes on the high seas, no, nor under the moldy loam.
For when you seek, you always find that your fortunes never left home.
[Reply to this comment]
Alex reply on December 19th, 2008 3:34 am:
True indeed. +2.
[Reply to this comment]
December 19th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Why don’t you call you mother more often?
[Reply to this comment]
December 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
You will always have your best idea for the MM Contest of the Week at 5:01 PM on Friday.
[Reply to this comment]
December 19th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
There is no God.
[Reply to this comment]