Jan 12 2009
Contest #29: Subpar Superhero
When I was a kid I collected Marvel Comics trading cards. They were pretty fun; they showed pictures of the superheroes and villains and listed their physical stats along with other interesting information (like win/loss record in fights). I had a card for a character named Power Man. He was not a very impressive superhero. As far as I could tell, he was just a tough black guy that worked out a lot and wore chains around his waist. He was also the only good guy that had a win percentage of less than 50% (on the cover shown on the left, he’s losing to Mr. Fish of all people). I’m sure if you’re a villain, you’re praying that Power Man is the one who shows up to try and stop you.
This week’s contest is to invent the funniest lame superhero or villain. The character must have at least one special ability. Don’t give us more than a few sentences, but you might mention the person’s name, power(s), origin, team-affiliation, or any other information you feel is relevant. Again, very long entries are discouraged, just give us the flavor.
Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author their choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
Contest Summary
Assignment: Invent the funniest lame superhero or villain.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, January 16th at 5pm EST
Prize: Your choice of a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $40 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?
January 12th, 2009 at 1:54 am
Just throwing this out there;
-MentalMan-
Team affiliation: Hell’s NetGods
Purpose: To stun a politically correct world with the sharp-witted irreverence of a hundred jaded teenagers; to defeat you with the molten hot brilliance of his MIND.
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January 12th, 2009 at 2:09 am
“The Lame W”
Secret identity: Mild-mannered airman in the Texas Air National Guard (so secret not even his attendance records can be found).
Superpower power: Has access to the greatest nuclear arsenal on the planet, but can’t pronounce it.
Remarkable mental agility: Able to oversee world’s greatest economy run itself into the ground, while announcing, “I think the system basically is sound, I truly do” (July, 2008)
Trademark phrase: “Mission Accomplished”
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January 12th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Aquaman
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Jakutz reply on January 12th, 2009 4:34 am:
Ha ha!
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January 12th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Sexual Dissatisfaction Man
While handsome and muscular, this hero never seems to be able to give his lovers what they want. His powers include Under-Confidence and Premature Ejaculation. While not fighting crime, he disguises himself as an ordinary man so beware ladies.
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giraffe1089 reply on January 12th, 2009 4:02 pm:
This sounds familiar… http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1390#comic
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Gabriel reply on January 12th, 2009 4:09 pm:
While the comic you linked to was hilarious, is it the correct one? I didn’t see anything that had to do with Jakutz’s entry.
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giraffe1089 reply on January 14th, 2009 12:09 am:
The man is proud of his “sexual ultrafunction” where he “came as fast as he can.” Also, he is dressed in primary colors with a cape. P^e on his chest = premature ejaculation (panel 5.)
January 12th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Dragneto
This supervillain has the ability to control the movement of women’s clothing (unlike Sexual Dissatisfaction Man). He can create powerful dragnetic forcefields to protect himself or to trap his enemies. Oh yeah, and he dresses in drag 24-7.
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Jakutz reply on January 12th, 2009 5:09 am:
I predict that this contest will be full of ridiculous entries. I’m going to go ahead and apologize for my contributions to the ridiculousness. Actually, I just got an idea.
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January 12th, 2009 at 5:20 am
Mentalmagmannoying Man
This evil magmaddict pollutes MM with countless bad entries. While entertaining at times, these entries do permanent brain damage to all who read them. His special ability, Destroy Inhibitions, turns innocent magmaddicts into similar Mentalmagmannoying men/women.
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January 12th, 2009 at 5:36 am
Tangerine
Tangerine was one of the original x-men. He has a metal exoskeleton, and his wounds heal within seconds. Though virtually indestructible, he was later replaced by a similar mutant because… well, he’s a tangerine.
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Jakutz reply on January 12th, 2009 8:26 am:
Um, I typed exoskeleton, but it should just be skeleton. I also forgot to mention that tangerine is armed with retractable metal claws!
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 12th, 2009 9:54 am:
I found a video of him!
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/787977/tangerine_man/
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Arkansas reply on January 12th, 2009 1:49 pm:
Ha Ha. It’s like a work-out video, complete with stretching and push-ups. A real Health-Fruit. Wonder if he juices.
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Jakutz reply on January 12th, 2009 7:06 pm:
Wow, that’s actually the exact same tangerine as the one in the picture I posted. Look at the first frame of the video. This somehow proves that Tangerine was an x-men!
Oh, and lmao Arkansas!
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AirplaneFood reply on January 15th, 2009 8:25 pm:
Wait, Jakutz – was this pure coincidence, or did you know about this Tangerine Man?! I’m going to pretend that it was the first cause that’s pure win.
January 12th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Faster than McDonalds french fries!
More powerful than a Wendy’s baked potato with sour cream!
Able to leap tall stacks of hash browns in a single bound!
And everything caught on video…
it’s a spud,
it’s a potato,
it’s SuperTuber…
A NEW hero comes to YouTube.
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January 12th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Allergy Man: upholding justice, so long as there’s no pollen, cats, dogs, peanuts, gluten…well, whenever he can.
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Alex reply on January 12th, 2009 7:49 am:
Obviously these can’t be entries, but what came to mind when I read the category were “Powdered Toast Man” and “MELT MAN! WITH THE POWER TO…MELT!”
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Iaoai reply on January 12th, 2009 10:23 pm:
Three cheers for old-school Nickelodeon super heroes, although I would contest PTM’s lameness. You try rescuing the pope from an evil mudskipper sometime!
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Dr. Ladybug: A villain cursed with bringing good luck to everyone he opposes.
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:25 am
The Admirable Admiral: respected by all, feared by none.
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:26 am
The Human Bee (villain). He can sting you once, but he’ll die. He also makes honey.
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Shirin reply on January 15th, 2009 2:47 pm:
I need to not read these in class. I’m imagining this big guy dressed as a bee stirring a pot of honey and want to chuckle out loud. I’m sure my professor is wondering why I keep smiling during his lecture.
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:33 am
The Four prINCEs
On a normal day:
Incense Man: “Behold my fragrance!”
Incensed Man: “I HATE THAT SMELL.”
Insensitive Man: “I really don’t care.”
Insistent Man: “But you must!”
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:42 am
The Feather Duster. Costume: tight pink suit, large pink feathers coming out of head. His tag line would be something intimidating, like: “Evil (especially in the form of dead skin or debris collected on old picture frames) shall not go unnoticed!”
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Iaoai reply on January 13th, 2009 7:28 pm:
I can see him now in a “300″-esque standoff against countless legions of evil dust bunnies.
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January 12th, 2009 at 8:44 am
The Cod Squad: rich in vitamins D and A.
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January 12th, 2009 at 10:07 am
The vampiress: She’s really just an ordinary 30 year old cashier at the supermarket who believes she is a vampire. But, every night (EVERY night) she dresses in black leather and a trenchcoat and walks through the neighborhoods around her apartment looking for suspicious people. If she finds someone she suspects is looking to buy drugs, sell drugs, or is “up to no good” she pretends to suck their blood. No real powers, but she has deterred a few from picking up hookers and some others from getting more drugs; she freaked them out and they ran home with a hickey on their neck.
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giraffe1089 reply on January 14th, 2009 5:16 pm:
Congratulations! You have proposed the only female superhero (as of Wednesday, 4:00pm.) Your prize: enhanced awareness of inherent sexism of superhero cultural construct (exchangeable for another prize of equal or lesser value.)
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Shirin reply on January 15th, 2009 2:43 pm:
She’s so believable too.
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Iaoai reply on January 15th, 2009 3:01 pm:
Couldn’t it also simply mean that men have greater potential to be subpar?
dana reply on January 15th, 2009 9:18 pm:
Yeah, you should see my great trenchcoat, I mean, her trenchcoat!
January 12th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Name: Sleeper Cell
Affiliation: Distant cousin of Splinter Cell
Origin: Somewhere in Delaware
Arch Nemesis: Juan Valdez
Super Power: Snooze
Once an insomniac who got mixed in some clubs that had a lot to do with fighting, this strung out hero decided to change his life around. Now he sleeps. A lot. Like really. He must be going for a world record or something. But when villains are on the loose, Sleeper Cell always sits bolt upright to utter his signature catch phrase, “Mmmmm…just 5 more minutes.” Then he goes back to bed.
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SesameStreetgang reply on January 12th, 2009 10:15 am:
For those unfamiliar with Juan Valdez, Wikipedia to the rescue! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Valdez
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 12th, 2009 10:25 am:
Brilliant name & arch enemy
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January 12th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Name: Wiki-Warrior
Affiliation: The Blogosphere
Origin: Everywhere
Superpower: Telepathy (Citation Needed)
The Wiki-Warrior is the vigilante of the internet. This multi-lingual knight prowls through the darkest pages of the web in search of crime, and also internet memes. With his awesome knowledge of everything in the world, he can enthrall evildoers in a trance of trivial facts and links that will absorb them for hours until real crime fighters arrive. Tragically, his greatest strength is also his greatest weakness as Wiki-Warrior’s gullibility has caused him to lose much of his credibility in the super-hero realm. In popular culture, the Wiki-Warrior is mentioned nowhere.
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January 12th, 2009 at 11:13 am
name: tommy
aka: the pinball wizard
special powers: although deaf, dumb, and blind, tommy has the uncanny ability to play pinball by sense of smell alone. there has yet to be a crime-fighting scenario where this has proved useful.
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Barnaby Hayes reply on January 14th, 2009 11:51 am:
LOL!!!
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January 12th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Constipation Man
Your typical superhero: Saving the world and then all the sudden “AHHH…gotta poo!”
But the runs never interrupt Constipation Man! He can save the world w/o taking a bathroom break!
From the planet AntiFecal.
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January 12th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
The Milkman
Secret Identity – It was secret til he had “Joe” embroidered onto his uniform. Which is his actual name.
Team Affiliation – Dairy Farmers of America
Special Ability – Not-so-secret knowledge that 1 out of three adults are lactose intolerant.
Crime Fighting Technique – “Got Milk?” With a simple slogan, The Milkman has been crippling one-third of America’s population with bloating, abdominal cramps, and diarrhea. Theoretically, this should immobilize one-third of would-be criminals for about an hour or two.
Statistics – Studies have shown that The Milkman has not had any measurable affect on crime, mainly due to the fact that most people drink milk in the morning, and most crimes are committed at night.
Current Status – Joe, The Milkman, got a new job delivering pizza in order to target the criminals during a more appropriate time, and now calls himself “The Dominos Guy.” He gives people extra cheese for free.
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January 12th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
The Karate Kid
Secret Identity: Ralph Machio, the “Actor”
Affiliation: Miagi-san Dojo
Super Power: The Crane Kick
Flaw: Though once toted as a move for which their is no defense, many of The Karate Kid’s opponents have learned to side step his Crane Kick, and punch him in the face.
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January 12th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Name: The Pun-isher
Affiliations: Closely allied with the Legion Of The Grammar Nazis
Origin: Started out humbly enough as “that guy” but soon began to realize the full extent of his powers of vexation and doom.
Superpower: Ghost-Writer
The Pun-isher, perhaps the most irritating of all supervillains. Mostly working in secret behind the scenes of more obvious plots, the Pun-isher spends his time developing poetic, yet completely impractical death traps as well as all of the witty one-liners that accompany them. Truly, the pun is mightier than the sword!
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January 12th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
conflict resolution man.
a superhero so great and powerful that he solves all of the worlds problems through reasonable talking and conflict resolution. he is a quaker as well.
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AirplaneFood reply on January 15th, 2009 8:33 pm:
Hehe, I like imagining this one.
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January 12th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Dick Cheney:
Affiliations: well, his best friend is lucifer.
Arch nemisis: conflict resolution man
Origin: no one knows
Superpower: Shotgun. words.
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JIbsauce reply on January 12th, 2009 7:09 pm:
also known to us mere mortals as “Blasty McBirdshot”
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January 12th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I wish i could post the image but…
“Wonder Twin powers, ACTIVATE!”.
Jayna: “Form of, an Eagle”
Zan: “Form of, a bucket of Water”
However I did like there space monkey companion Gleek
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January 12th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
The Quilter: Quilts at the speed of 20 men (or 1 grandma).
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January 12th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
The Geographer: knows the longitude and latitude of most major landmasses and waterbodies.
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January 12th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Name: Astroglide
Bio: A former astronaut/hang-glider turned rogue vigilante who fights crime by his own rules. As a result, he is often at odds with the local police, but they can never catch him. Each story ends with a befuddled cop exclaiming, “Ohhhhh, he’s a slippery one, that Astroglide!”
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zabo reply on January 13th, 2009 5:22 pm:
this is especially funny considering what is within my view right now.
…I mean…what?
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January 12th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Fop and Dandy: a gentlemanly pair who fight crime when they’re not at the opera.
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January 12th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Guitar Hero: he can get five stars on “Through Fire and Flames”.
Arch Nemesis: an actual guitarist.
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January 13th, 2009 at 12:24 am
the Emo Kid: has no apparent evil-fighting abilities, but will start band and sing about alienation and other things that suck in his basement. also can use the sun’s rays to reflect off his eyebrow ring and blind opponents for like a second before he runs away.
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Evil villain Monotone runs around robbing banks in monochromatic sepia tights with his mask in the shape of an “M.” Monotone is a former college chemistry professor who, in a freak lab accident – where he was bitten in the throat by a genetically enhanced newt, gained a unique ability to put masses of people to sleep just by talking with his low monotonus voice for a prolonged period of time. However, he is physically weak; and his powers are useless against the deaf.
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Corn reply on January 13th, 2009 2:17 am:
perhaps tommy could be of some use here…
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:35 am
The Watch Man
He is a super hero with the power to know what time it is at any place on the Earth at any given moment.
This does not give him any advantages when fighting anybody really.
At least he’s always on time.
His pet peeve is when others are tardy or force him to be tardy.
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Shirin reply on January 15th, 2009 2:52 pm:
Then, I’d probably be his arch nemesis…Anti-Punctual Girl! :)
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:44 am
The Great Quandary
Defeats his enemies by inducing existential crises.
Is he hero or villain? The universe does not answer.
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Stupor Man
Catches enemies off guard by pretending to be drunk. Apprentice of “Drunken Master” Wong Fei Hung.
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:53 am
The Dastardly Doughnut
Not affiliated with but a big supporter of both Shipley’s and Dunkn Donuts
A villain who’s rotundness has rendered him nearly impervious to most attacks; however, his size and weight (well over 400 pounds) give him serious restrictions in movement and speed. This renders him very easy to catch.
Has short curly hair, greasy skin, thick glasses and blue spandex (with white boots and gloves.)
His emblem is of course a chocolate doughnut with pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles.
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Dutch Oven Man
He has the abilty to knock out any criminal with the intense sents of his magic colon. He uses his brown cape to concentrate the noxious gas, suffocating anyone near. The “chocolate stain” is his calling card, left on the forehead of victims. As a child, he sold his car for some “magic beans.” He was going to plant them, but he was too hungry. Now he is cursed by his powers. He can’t get a date and sometimes he is overwhelmed by own stench, losing conciousness, and charlie browning himself.
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January 13th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Dead Guy
He feels no pain…because he’s dead.
He is immune to poison…because he’s dead.
He can horrify children and attract scavenger birds in droves…because he’s dead.
After dying of a heart attack last year, Bernie Anderson has become the ever vigilant watchman of the Turnersville county morgue. Unfortunatley, despite his vast array of death-based superabilities, Dead Guy lacks motor functions, speech skills, and cognitive though…because he’s dead. As a doornail.
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January 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
The Conjoined Wonder Twins
They can transform into things that are joined together. Popular forms include twin popsicles, a radio/alarm clock, and dipthongs.
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January 13th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
The Rhinoceros Beetle
A radioactive lab accident gave a former football star the literal strength of the world’s strongest insect. He can now lift an astonishing fifty-three pounds!
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January 13th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
man, I wish I could be more original, but I keep thinking of side characters from “The Tick”
i.e., the bipolar bear, the carpeted man, man-eating cow, etc.
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January 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
The Pause
He thwarts his opponents with his super ability to create the most awkward moment possible with a single phrase.
Villain: “This is the end for you, Pause!”
The Pause: “When I was thirteen, my mom taught me how to french kiss.”
Villain: *blink* “Wow…”
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January 13th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Name: The Cockblocker
Affiliation: The Guidos
Origin: Long Island
Costume: So many popped collars that he is rendered both invulnerable and unrecognizable as a regular human.
Arch Nemesis: Boyfriends
The Cockblocker is not a villain. He’s just a douche. He often distracts evildoers with his catch phrase “Hey man, why don’t you go get us a couple of more beers?” Then he has sex with their girlfriends. And then with yours. This doesn’t really accomplish anything, but whatever. That was a sick party.
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January 13th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Podiatry Man: diagnoses and cures foot ailments at lightning speed.
His nemesis: With the power to wear eight socks at one time, every podiatrist fears…THE SOCKTOPUS!
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SesameStreetgang reply on January 14th, 2009 6:27 pm:
Points for “socktopus” haha!
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 16th, 2009 9:28 am:
Alex, you really seemed to thrive in this contest. Well done.
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Iaoai reply on January 16th, 2009 3:15 pm:
Seriously, you’re like the Stan Lee of mediocrity.
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Alex reply on January 16th, 2009 6:49 pm:
Thanks. I’m not really sure why so many ideas came up. Seems like I come up with superhero story ideas a lot when I’m brainstorming, but it’s hard to pull off “serious” superhero stories, so mediocre/absurd heroes were a good fit with the tendencies of my imagination and sense of humor.
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January 14th, 2009 at 12:11 am
Name: Professor Poindexter
Origin: somewhere in New Hampshire, USA
Ability: He can make anything he touches into a ball point pen (the clicking kind) and click them to annoy anyone within a 100 yards. Heroes have been driven insane by his incessant clicking. The horror!
Side note: While the clicking pens are his weapon of choice, he actually prefers to use the twisty kind.
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January 14th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Genetists-meet your new superhero. No, not Watson and Crick back from the dead, its….
THERMOCYCLER MAN(TM)
After working in an ordinary genetics laboratory for too long (about two and half years,) a thermocycler became implanted in “mild-mannered(TM)” genetist Cory McVicker’s chest, somehow… now he’s…
THERMOCYCLER MAN (TM)!!!!!!!!
-Processes polymerase chain reactions at a reasonable speed!
-Easy programming of reaction steps!
-Can process up to 96 samples per reaction block!
-Heated lid!
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Shirin reply on January 15th, 2009 3:22 pm:
What is his fatal weakness? Contamination of his samples?
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giraffe1089 reply on January 16th, 2009 12:17 am:
Possibly. That and the fact that he was a 100 kg+ machine implanted in his chest.
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January 14th, 2009 at 2:41 am
It’s a sick world, and he wants to make it better.
Unfortunately, the world is terminal, and he is just…the Placebo.
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 16th, 2009 9:33 am:
This could be a TV show.
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January 14th, 2009 at 2:49 am
He’s mean.
He’s nasty.
He’s loud and obnoxious.
And if he ever gets his ass up off that porch swing, he might be threatening some day.
Beware of…the Old Son of a Bitch.
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January 14th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Dr. Narcolepto
An evil genius bent on world domination. However due to the high levels of stress in planning and commiting takeover, Dr. Narcolepto has yet to suceed. He always wakes up behind bars and is released shortly there after, for never actually doing anything wrong.
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January 14th, 2009 at 4:39 am
The Buddha
Secret Identity: ?
Super Power: Karma
He knows karma works all on its own, so all he does is watch porn all day.
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January 14th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Superhero team: ACLUmen
Superpowers: An eclectic group of bold defenders who champion those whose civil rights have been threatened.
Super Bummer: Proving the addage, “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” the ACLUmen have outlived their usefulness and overstayed their welcome.
Supervillain team: GetACLUmen
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January 14th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Misdemeanor!
Sowing chaos throughout the tri-state area by littering and public urination.
He even bought a 15yr old tobacco products once.
Stalking in the shadows he watches the world….and wishes to see it crumble!!
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January 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Hero: Dildo Baggins
Powers: Determination, grit, and an awesome soccer kick.
Milieu: During the Great War of the Sex Type Thing, it became Dildo’s role to take the Thing and plunge it into the Stone Temple which was actually a great fissure in the backside of Mount Whom, thereby causing the entire mountain to gasp and erupt, melting the Thing and destroying the power of the Dark Lord Hardon.
Note: While certainly not sub-par in popular retellings of the story, Dildo was not well-received by the Humpits of the Shya, where his grunge didn’t meld well with more traditional HipHopHumpit tunes so beloved in the Third Age of Just-Slightly-Off-Center Earth.
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greg reply on January 14th, 2009 2:08 pm:
So he took the last boat out of Give’emhell, setting his sights on a bright and promising future as a compact Elf in Val Halla, which he annoyingly always says while making “push the ceiling” motions.
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January 14th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Poetically Correct Man.
the Man who every supervillain is afraid of. he uses figures of speech such as allegory, assonance, and antithesis to beat his opponents into submission, or rather make them so annoyed that they leave in a huff.
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January 14th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Sir Spamalot- He doesn’t fight crime, or rescue damsels in distress. But he can make your penis bigger.
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January 14th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
The Failure!!!!
No one had high hopes for our Hero when he first arrived on the scene, what with his mismatched outfit and obnoxiously long cape. And certainly, he hasn’t really proven himself to be the…”greatest” at his job, especially after losing to the Giant Baby, his Arch-Nemesis. And nobody’s saying his doing anyone a favor by staying around and losing all the time.
I guess i don’t really have a point.
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January 15th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
COLD MAN!!!!
He can’t freeze things, but it’s really annoying when he touches the back of your neck.
COLD MAN!!!
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January 15th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Pilates Man.
Look there in the sky… Is it billy blanks? Is it suzanne sommers? no. its pilates man. With the ability to whip you into shape and sculpt those pathetic excuses for buns. Pilates man.
*Organic protein shakes not included.*
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January 15th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
The Dot
Anna is normally a mild mannered teenager, but for a week each month Anna becomes the “The Dot”. A highly aggresive superhero due to cramping and bloating that is at the peak of her power during heavy flow. Powers include PMS which can confuse even the greatest of Man. Her only enemys are “The Pill” which can irregualte her cycle and her arch enemy “Lady Menopause” which can end it. Luckly for Anna she still has another 30 or so years before she will confront her arch enemy.
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January 15th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I would like to appologize to any female MM user that might be offend buy my superhero “The Dot”. I got the idea a few min. ago from a midol commercial and didn’t realize until now that “The Dot” isn’t actually a lame superhero. My girlfriend has kicked my ass many a time when she’s on her’s. That is all i have to say on the matter….period.
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January 15th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
The Sentient Entry
Codename: SENTRY
SENTRY is a fictional “hero” whose only power is being aware of the nature of his existence — that is, he knows that he is a construct from Alex’s imagination devised solely for Alex’s desire for “thumbs up”, gift certificates, and the amusement of his fellow Magmaddicts. He’s very depressed and can only hope his existence brings a trifle of joy or entertainment to yours before he is lost to the annals cyberspace forever.
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 16th, 2009 12:00 am:
Poor Sentry, I’ll always remember you!
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giraffe1089 reply on January 16th, 2009 12:20 am:
Double thumbs up for reflexivity of entry.
Thumb down for pandering.
Thumb up for vulnerability.
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January 16th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Name: Rick Astley
Heroic power: Primarily used as a defensive power, Rick can actually sing a marshmallow that cocoons enemies in sweet, white, forgetful fluffiness.
Tragic flaw: Having enumerated what he was never gonna do, Rick never actually got around to doing anything at all.
Rick is currently seeking a comeback via YouTube, indicating that he has found himself, as many feared, a victim of his own marshmallow world.
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on January 16th, 2009 9:32 am:
It’s hilarious that the way the thumbnail crops the photo, his name is “ick Astley”
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January 16th, 2009 at 2:16 am
DungBeetleMan,
DungBeetleMan,
Does whatever a Dung Beetle can.
Rolls dung balls
Five times his size.
After that he
Eats shit and dies.
Look out!
Don’t step on DungBeetleMan…
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