Jan 26 2009
Contest #31: Truth in Advertising
The inspiration for this contest, aside from the picture on the left, was the movie Dumb and Dumber. In the movie, the guys want to start a pet store that specializes in worms. They tentatively name the store “I got worms.” In addition to being a double entendre (nobody likes single entendres), it is a refreshingly straightforward name.
This week’s contest is to revamp the advertising for the company of your choice. You can rename the company, come up with new slogans, or draw a new logo. The goal is to have the new advertising be frank and honest.
Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author their choice of a $30 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $60 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
Contest Summary
Assignment: Redesign some of the advertising for the business of your choice.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, January 30th at 5pm EST
Prize: Your choice of a $30 Amazon.com gift certificate OR a $60 gift certificate to the MM Online Store.
photo by flickr user andyi
January 26th, 2009 at 2:02 am
this is copying a bumpersticker:
mal-wart: your source for cheap plastic crap.
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January 26th, 2009 at 2:17 am
Calculator brand condoms.
For those who can’t do it in their heads.
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January 26th, 2009 at 2:27 am
Think Pretentious, Apple Computers.
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January 26th, 2009 at 3:38 am
my bank
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January 26th, 2009 at 3:59 am
the future?
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January 26th, 2009 at 4:17 am
WALL-TO-WALL WAL-MART
Always.
Everywhere.
Manifest Destiny for the 21st Century.
A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and a Wal-Mart everywhere else.
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January 26th, 2009 at 10:08 am
“First National Government Bailout Bank — We Put ‘National’ In ‘Nationalized’”
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January 26th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Madoff Investments Made Off With Your Investments
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January 26th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Enough said.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Sorry, kids. Sad, but true.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Can’t Get It Up?
(Viagra)
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January 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
The US Airways Miraculous Hudson River Tour
“Where Everyone Walks Away Safely on Water”
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fuzz on the concept reply on January 26th, 2009 1:00 pm:
(with mad turbo props to that pilot and his fly skillz)
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Iaoai reply on January 26th, 2009 5:50 pm:
Props? I thought it was a jet.
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fuzz on the concept reply on January 26th, 2009 6:04 pm:
Jet? I thought the major was a lady suffragette.
greg reply on January 27th, 2009 5:55 am:
watch for sharks
vlad reply on January 28th, 2009 3:10 pm:
That looks like the result of Ted Kennedy and John Travolta going out for
a night on the town.
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January 26th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Horny? Why wait? Grab a hooker!
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jbirdpowers reply on January 26th, 2009 1:04 pm:
Prostitution is a campany, right?
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fuzz on the concept reply on January 26th, 2009 2:57 pm:
… the world’s oldest camp followers.
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January 26th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
“You hit me in the head one more time and I’ll take that V8 and shove it straight up your ass!”
I’ll have a V8 if I damn well please.
V8
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greg reply on January 26th, 2009 1:13 pm:
catchy
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January 26th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Isolate yourself from what you love in life by connecting to your job 24/7… with Blackberry.
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January 26th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Renewed – Ready – Rigged
Get ready for season 8, when every Tuesday and Wednesday night will find
AMERICA IDLE!
Watch people you don’t respect as they judge acts you don’t like without guilt! It’s the show that has the whole country sitting on its collective ass — twice a week!
Park it and let AMERICA IDLE…
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January 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
yum
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January 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Bottled Water!
Just about the same as what’s on tap!
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January 26th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
The New Covergirl Ad!
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January 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Wal-Marx
Corporate Greed
Always.
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January 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Be Popular, Buy Mac.
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January 26th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Blizzard Entertainment:
Is reality really that worthwhile?
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January 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Nike:
Just buy it.
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January 26th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Playboy Magazine:
We print articles because you’re too ashamed to buy real porn.
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January 26th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Abercrombie & Fitch
Come Be Our Billboard!
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January 26th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
macdonalds: the grease beats back the shame.
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January 26th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Fox “News”.
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SesameStreetgang reply on January 30th, 2009 12:56 pm:
Touche sir. Very pithy.
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January 26th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Dave says…
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January 26th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Does this man even look trustworthy to you?
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Spumoni reply on January 27th, 2009 12:38 am:
hey…vince offer’s main goal in life is to take down the church of scientology…for that and that alone, i fully respect him!
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Alex reply on January 28th, 2009 7:25 pm:
I can’t believe it’s actually got the word “Sham” in the name. But it is made in Germany.
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January 26th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
(sung to the Oscar Mayer jingle)
My bologna has a first name, it’s G-R-O-S-S
My bologna has a second name, it’s S-T-U-F-F
Oh, I hate to eat it any day, and if you ask me why, I’ll say
:Cuz eating little body parts is M-A-C-A-B-R-E.
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greg reply on January 26th, 2009 10:48 pm:
awesome…just awesome
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Well, I was figurin’ my taxes when a thought struck me
I am livin’ in the nation that invented “free.”
To find out where my money goes I did a credit check
On America, got all three scores, now I’m a wreck.
F-R-E-E that spells free.
Credit Report dot com baby.
The FICA for the USA is minus thirty-three.
I didn’t know a credit score could show negativity.
That’s when I realized it wasn’t FREE, the way we want to live.
It was freedom, which is free+dumb and that gets expensive.
F-R-E-E that spells free.
Now I’ll teach you how to spell bankruptcy.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
The Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States of America
You are cordially invited to the festivities in Washington, D.C. as
we celebrate the election of Barak Hussein Obama, our first President of Color.
As a vital part of this country, a number of special events have been planned, including:
Party on the Mall (if you get there five hours before the event)
The Pilgrimage – most visitors will walk between five and ten miles from where they parked to the venues. Thinking of it as a religious journey makes the blisters seem like saintly suffering.
The Oath of Office – Not to be confused with the actual Oath taken later in a semi-secret meeting between Barak Obama and Chief Justice Roberts. The public performance will feature a musty old Bible and a word-association/tongue-twister game between the President-elect and the Chief Justice.
Milli-Vanilli Classical – A very special, albeit faked, performance of a beautiful new arrangement of two favorite pieces of music. Watch as four of the most respected musicians of our time cheapen themselves by pretending to play because it never occurred to anyone that instruments will not stayed tuned in freezing winter weather.
Play “IS IT GREEN OR IS IT YELLOW?” – As the first First Lady of Color, Mrs. Obama will challenge the nation to appreciate olive green accessories with a lemon yellow dress. Truly, we are becoming a color blind nation.
And don’t miss:
“Who Moved My Senator Byrd?”
“Teddy Went Where?”
“How many times can the Inaugural Speech use FAILURE as code for BUSH before W notices?”
And many other games so unique to this grand event!
(This invitation was written in compliance with the Truth in Advertising mandate of the people as expressed on mentalmagma.com)
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vlad reply on January 28th, 2009 3:12 pm:
Byrd was having flashbacks to his Klan days.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
STAR WARS
The Prequel Trilogy
A predictable pillar of promising prequels performing prostitution to persuade prepubescent pinheads to praise this poo-poo and put prolific piles of prize-money on the porch of the producer.
It’s perfectly plain.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
“It’s pretty much porn.”
-The Food Network
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Alex reply on January 28th, 2009 7:20 pm:
I hadn’t really thought of it this way, but it seems quite true. And really funny when I think about the people I know who claim they are “addicted” to the food network. I think there’s a scene in one of Vonnegut’s books Slaughterhouse Five or Breakfast of Champions, I think wherein the aliens that are hosting the protagonist go to a cinema and gasp at the orgiastic spectacle of a woman eating fruit.
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SesameStreetgang reply on January 29th, 2009 1:06 am:
That’s Slaughterhouse Five
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Alex reply on January 29th, 2009 3:45 am:
Danke. I remember thinking that event in the book was absurd/funny, but there was a lot of truth to it too. So it goes with Vonnegut.
January 26th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
hot dogs
what’s in them?
ignorance is bliss.
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January 26th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Scotch
Mmmmmm
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January 27th, 2009 at 12:25 am
Cigarettes:
Now for young people!
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January 27th, 2009 at 12:52 am
world of warcraft
-keeping celibacy strong
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Shirin reply on January 27th, 2009 12:55 am:
So true.
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Zabo reply on January 27th, 2009 11:36 pm:
Hey, I’m sure I’m the oddity, but my gf and I (note a lack of celibacy) both play/have played, another girl she’s been with plays, and I know of possibly the only case of someone losing their virginity directly because of WoW.
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January 27th, 2009 at 1:20 am
If Disney and Budweiser ever happened to merge, the Disney theme parks might have a image/slogan.
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January 27th, 2009 at 1:46 am
“I’m…having a heart attack.”
-McDonalds
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greg reply on January 27th, 2009 2:25 am:
I can only imagine!
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January 27th, 2009 at 2:27 am
Quality is … um … er … line, please?
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:08 am
RED BULL
Because you’re all out of coffee, adderall and meth.
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:10 am
DENTAL FLOSS
Keep it in the medicine cabinet; no one will know you never use it.
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:12 am
KLEENEX
Like dear old grandma used to say, “Who needs trees? Just clear cut the Amazon, dispense it in tiny strips and blow your nose with it.”
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:15 am
Real men wear sunglasses.
Real douches wear $300 Oakleys.
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Break or lose your phone again?
Why not spend hundreds on the next one?
iPhone
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:52 am
.
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Try our grease sandwiches.
White Castle – What you brave.
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January 27th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
The Weather Channel:
Our business goes up when the weather and your futures fall down
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January 27th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
METROPOLIS LIFE INSURANCE
“LIFE INSURANCE SAVES DEATH”
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January 27th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
iHate face-to-face interaction.
iCan play with my phone instead.
iGnoring you is bliss.
iPhone.
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January 27th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
.
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January 27th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
or else your cars are Going to be Made in China
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January 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Apple:
“You keep buying, We’ll keep upgrading.”
Apple: Your International Indie Corporation, Helping you to help yourself be who you are.
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Hoverround: You still can’t walk. Or go up stairs.
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greg reply on January 28th, 2009 8:15 pm:
It’s true.
I own one, and stairs are a bitch!
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January 27th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
.
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January 27th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
.
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January 27th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Stalking is only illegal if you get caught!
Facebook
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January 27th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
George Dickel:
It’s like Jack Daniels, but cheaper.
Perfect for your recession binges!
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January 28th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Snuggie!
The blanket with sleeves. Otherwise known as a bathrobe worn backwards.
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January 28th, 2009 at 12:29 am
Because your kids aren’t fat enough!
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January 28th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
TV commercial: Lady in her 60′s with labored breathing and a tuberculan cough.
She holds up her bottle of Humira and says,”well, my arthritis pain is gone.”
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January 28th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
“Halo: Because you can’t teabag people in real life.”
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January 28th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
.
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Alex reply on January 28th, 2009 7:16 pm:
Two thumbs because this company probably owns a controlling share in all the products put forth so far (even the fake ones).
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January 28th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Lubriderm Hand Moisturizer
“It’s not really for your hands.”
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January 28th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Food.
Eat it when you’re watching the biggest loser.
I do.
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January 29th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Item #334-A
Gold’s Gym Stylish Free Standing Closet.
While it has many hanging rods and flat surfaces for folded clothes, the true brilliance of this piece is that you can throw practically anything at it, and it will find a place to stick. Keep your floor tidy!
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January 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Look! Boobies!
-Girls Gone Wild
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January 29th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
1-800-FLOWERS
You call us.
We contract out to local florists.
We double the price.
You spend lots.
We deliver a chintzy little arrangement that looks like it cost half of what you paid.
You get a thank you. (What kind of ingrate would knock your flowers?)
You assume we are the greatest thing since the Roomba robot vacuum. (see next ad)
We prosper.
Yea, us.
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January 29th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
ROOMBA electronic robot vacuum
IT REALLY SUCKS
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January 29th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
“Because you think disabled people have it easy.”
-Segway
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January 29th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Computer, $1,098.68
Internet connection, $30.00/month
Winning a Mental Magma weekly contest, priceless
What the hell does that have to do with VISA?
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rudolfs001 reply on February 1st, 2009 12:22 pm:
I thought these were Mastercard.
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January 30th, 2009 at 12:03 am
La-Z-Man Chips and Salsa
No thought required – just open ‘n’ eat!
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January 30th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Airborne Immune System Enhancer
Teacher’s edition: Accept no substitutes!
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January 30th, 2009 at 12:51 am
Coffee Table Books
Look at these big, glossy pictures! Everyone loves shiny things!
Put it in your living room to give your home that “cultured” look!
Content-free text included.
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January 30th, 2009 at 1:00 am
The Canon Powershot Digital Camera
Fits in your pocket so you can take photos of your unsuspecting friends and enemies and humiliate them with the powers of the internet!
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January 30th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
The Snuggie
The newest trend in Cult Wardrobe!
Allows for easy access to your favorite cyanide laced beverage, and also serves as a decorative covering cloth for your lifeless body, all while keeping you totally warm!
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January 30th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I know I’m too late, but what the hell.
Kalashnikov: When you absolutely, positively have to kill every
motherf–ker in the room.
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