Aug 15 2008
Contest #7: Finalists
This week’s contest seemed to bring out the best in everyone. You all sparred verbally over whose minion would best lead to world domination, but you did it with a sense of decorum. That’s what is missing in the world - aspiring evil doers with a sense of civility.
Before revealing the finalists let me mention a few evil geniuses and their minions who, despite missing the finals, were beloved by the community or the MM admins. There were Tiago’s hippopotami with kangaroo legs, Mrs Sara’s teddy bear hamsters with jaguar claws, Mrs Sanchez’s cheetah with a T-rex head, Ian Randal Strock’s flying elephants, Mannequin’s human Males with mule bodies, and Dlawhon’s tigers with scorpian tales.
Also, despite also being selected for the finals for another entry, I wanted to highlight Jakutz’s sheep/chinchilla answer. It doesn’t quite make the perfect minion (though he makes a fairly good argument for it), but it is one of the funniest entries we had this week.
Moving on to the finalists, Jakutz, Vlad, Nolie, Benji, and Rudy all made the top five cut this week. The poll will be up until 5pm EST on Sunday, we’ll announce the winner shortly after that.
Photo by flickr user birdeye
Vote for your favorite entry to Contest #7: Make-a-Minion
- Jakutz's answer
My minions would be kittens with the poison glands of black widows. Kittens are really cute and they can melt your heart with one meow. When you see a kitten, you can’t fight your urge to pick it up and pet it and talk to it like it was your baby. That is why you will die. (29%, 8 Votes) - Benji's answer
The navy could definitely use a pack of venom spitting Michael Phelpses. The last thing a battleship will expect to see are human beings swimming towards them unarmed. They’ll think they’re coming to negotiate or surrender and when they try to take them prisoner… bull’s eye! (25%, 7 Votes) - Rudy's answer
“Dead-makers” My army would be a bunch of oversized (I’m talking- as big as a baseball) horse flies, with the teeth and feeding frenzy of piranhas. Even if they didn’t drive you crazy with their incessant buzzing, they would very painfully devour you in a few seconds. Since they are a swarm of small fast moving creatures, they can’t be easily shot down or otherwise destroyed. Also, everyone will know they are coming and run in fear when the sky darkens and they can’t hear their favorite Rick Astley song on their iPod over the noise of my creature’s wings. (21%, 6 Votes) - Vlad's answer
How about a velocirapter that spits cobra venom. Fast, fearless and, according to Spielberg, able to cooperate. Throw in some bat wings of appropriate size and you come up with a perfect killing machine. (14%, 4 Votes) - Nolie's answer
My minion would be a giant perigrine falcon with the head of a nile crocodile. The perigrine falcon’s mastery is in it’s ability to divebomb it’s prey. Imagine being divebombed by a nile croc’s head with a bite force of 2500 lbs. These would be some serious damage-dealing minions who are also agile enough to get in and out of wherever. Wouldn’t be difficult to travel with. They could also swoop down in groups and pick up these tethers that would lift my chariot up and out across my empire striking terror in the hearts of those who would oppose me. (11%, 3 Votes)
Total Voters: 28
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August 15th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
I just want to say they’re all so good it’ll be hard to choose.
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August 15th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Just for fun, I’d like to explore the darker side of the sheep/chinchilla.
For any task, only one of them would need to be trained because sheep are natural followers and would do whatever their leader did. I would have them surround my enemies and rub against them gently. After a few minutes of this, my enemies would overdose on softness and die in ecstasy… an EXCRUCIATING ECSTASY OF PAIN! Also, their insatiable appetites would bring destruction to countless… species of… sentient grasses. Never mind.
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 16th, 2008 11:43 am:
Don’t sell yourself short, Jakutz. Your chinsheep are a fine example of a winnin’ minion.
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August 16th, 2008 at 11:44 am
In other news, Rudy, darn you for Rick Rolling my brain with the mere mention of Rick Astley.
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Rudy reply on August 19th, 2008 1:22 am:
Ahahahaha!
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August 16th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
boooo
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Agent Mammal reply on August 17th, 2008 2:01 am:
Yay!
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