Aug 18 2008
Contest #8: Olympics of the Internet
With Michael Phelps on all media (including a venomous version coming in second place in last week’s contest), we’ve got the Olympics on our minds. We here at Mental Magma are probably not going to be medaling any time soon in any real world events, so we started wondering what an Olympics of the Internet would look like.
Your assignment this week is to think up Internet-themed Olympic events and write news headlines for them. Let me give you an example: Americans take gold in pop-up event with 83 windows closed in 60 seconds. Your headline can be about anything as long as it looks like a newspaper headline and includes your made up event. Leave your headline in the Contest Entries section.
Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate AND an Executive Desk Gong
Contest Summary
Assignment: Invent an Internet-themed Olympic event and write a news headline about it.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, August 22nd at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate AND an Executive Desk Gong
Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you’ll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don’t you check out the latest update or contest?
August 18th, 2008 at 12:20 am
In a startling upset this weekend, Canada defeated the U.S.A. in the Olympic flamewar. The U.S. got off to an early lead with elite pwnage, but Canada’s political hypocrisy and crazy British spellings confused the Americans long enough for Canada to devastate the U.S. with an epic burn
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August 18th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Jakutz wins second gold medal in Mental Magma Postathon by one-hundredth of a vote.
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Jakutz reply on August 18th, 2008 5:08 pm:
wishful thinking I guess
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 19th, 2008 11:35 am:
Totally pwned the French, who have been talking smack all week.
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August 18th, 2008 at 1:11 am
So far it’s Britney Spears in the lead as child star gone bad. Miley Cyrus is in a close second with her scantily clad Vanity Fair photo shoot. In close race with Lyndsay Lohan partying hard like there’s 2008!
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August 18th, 2008 at 3:46 am
Americans close behind British in the Viral Video Relay with only twelve thousand more views to go in the last leg.
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August 18th, 2008 at 5:58 am
1000 site stumbling goes sour when one of the most promising participants was found to be using bots to stumble sites at incredible speeds. The portuguese participant who was also one of the podium favorites only made it to 6th place after stumbling on a trojan infected site.
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August 18th, 2008 at 10:27 am
From the Beijing online olympics - The exciting gold medal match of
Mental Magma Contest #8!
Which user will post the best entry?
Who will inflate the scores by getting tons of their friends to vote??
What does an Executive Desk Gong even look like?!?!
This and more - tonight on the networks of NBC.
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August 18th, 2008 at 10:43 am
U.S.A takes gold, silver, and bronze in most e-mails sent in 60 seconds! Replacing the previous World Record of 1,234 by 1524!
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August 18th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Nigeria wins gold medal in Most Absurd Banking email scams.
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Bebemiqui reply on August 18th, 2008 9:14 pm:
I like it!
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Rebekah C reply on August 19th, 2008 9:32 am:
Padma’s about Nigeria is freaking awesome! LMAO
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Padma reply on August 19th, 2008 6:43 pm:
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback.
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August 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am
America takes home the gold and takes down the web with Olympic Trojan Perpetuation!
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am
England becomes Olympic Legend with most outrageous Urban Legend.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:12 am
China Asks, Why Us? in Virus Toss Loss.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
It’s time for Spam Diving!
The judges have prepared an unfiltered pop3 account that has opted-in for various mail lists resulting in hundreds of junk emails per day. Olympians must download 1 day’s worth of emails, sift through the junk, and identify the lone valid email in the pile, supplying the judges with the password within.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Hotmale: Olympian Joe Schmoby sifts through daily spam to find gold in 35.572 seconds.
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August 18th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Napster creator syncs ipod fastest.
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August 18th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
A grandfather of two comes 4th in 100 dash at Beijing Olympics but has a stroke and dies at the finish line! His mourning family, which included 11 children and 2 ex-wives, watched the tragic event in hoor and rushed to the field in attemts to revive him, but without use. It was particularly touching to observe the pride in the faces of his two young grandsons who tearfully hugged his fallen body and quickly removed his denture, glasses, and toupee, to keep as a reminde of a man who never quit.
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Nietsche Pascal reply on August 18th, 2008 3:47 pm:
Writing in haste, there are some typo/grammatical errors in this entry. Please forgive and make corrections as necessary. Gracieux!
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Padma reply on August 18th, 2008 6:33 pm:
Don’t forget, this is Internet Olympics, not regular Olympics — should have something to do with the web.
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August 18th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Americans take gold today after finding a naked Paris Hilton on more web pages than silver medalist China. Floridian Horny Henry came through with the upset after wowing judges by finding the most video clips featuring a naked Hilton in night vision. Germany however was eliminated after accidently clicking on Screech’s sex tape.
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August 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
#1 seeded Scrabbulous loses big to corporate sponsored Hasbro; fans outraged.
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August 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Mongolia out marks Afghanistan in the bookmarking sprints, setting a new record in the “topic based tagging” event.
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August 18th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Croatians Grab Gold in Team Mustache-Growing Competition
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August 18th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Why did the ladies of Mental Magma contests lose the Olympic InterNet contest?
Cause they thought the InterNet was a contraceptive device. Now goodbye
and leave an old man alone!
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August 18th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Us news media wins gold metal for most Britney Breakdown coverage.
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August 18th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Italian Gold Medal in Emoticon Journaling Protested by Stoic Russians
Russians say emotional Italians have unfair advantage. The Italians replied through an interpreter X( 0:) @_@ :p.
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August 18th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Traces of cheezburger found in random drug testing: Cheshire Cat disqualified from Lolcat Medley.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I think you should make the entries to this contest a contest.
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August 19th, 2008 at 9:46 am
This Just In From Beijing…
A Huge Loss for Team Nigeria in the 20 Meter Spam Around the World Dash
Team Nigeria is humiliated and at a loss for words today as they have been displaced after taking the Gold 3 years in a row. Not to be outdone, Team Enlarge Your Penis, tossed all caution to the wind with a thorough, if not crafty, overhaul in the last 10 Meters. Sending out double and triple the spam messages as in years past, Team Enlarge You Penis has officially taken the Gold and left Team Nigeria to console itself with the Silver medal. What a truly stunning turn of events.
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August 19th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Women’s US Internet Research Team stripped of gold medal after caught plagiarizing “research” from Wikipedia. [citation needed]
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on August 19th, 2008 4:04 pm:
[[This answer or entry is in need of cleanup]]
(only kidding, I love it)
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 19th, 2008 10:00 pm:
[The neutrality of this comment is disputed.]
;)
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Ms. Sanchez reply on August 22nd, 2008 10:47 am:
Your answer is too good not to vote for hahaha :)
Mrs. Sara reply on August 22nd, 2008 3:48 pm:
Why thanks!
August 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
“He’s almost preternatural,” says Andorran judge of gold medalist Mike “I’m
working here” Bevilacqua. The newly crowned champ, in the “Hiding your
office surfing from your boss” event was unavailable for comment, as he
was “working very hard on that presentation”….
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August 19th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Americans take Gold in ignorant YouTube comments.
French 15 year-old smashes record for Most Photos of Self on Facebook.
eBay Phishing judges have identity stolen!
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Padma reply on August 21st, 2008 10:00 am:
Seems like it should be a rule that every entry has to be entered separately. If people like 3 different entries, he’d get 3 votes, whereas separately he’d get 1 vote each. And if he got enough, which line goes to the finals? All 3?
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Gabriel reply on August 21st, 2008 10:40 am:
Yeah, that’s a good point. I’ve updated the contest-rules to reflect this. I’ll repost this entry as 3 separate headlines.
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August 19th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
MySpace gets the gold, barely edging out FaceBook for most annoyingly popular virtual social network.
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August 19th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Blogspot Wins Gold: Most Blog Uploads Within 24 Hours Without Crashing
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August 19th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Mental Magma receives first place–gold metal– for most creative website!
Myspace earns silver metal.
while Facebook comes in a close third.
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August 20th, 2008 at 3:04 am
Russia Beats Favored Nigeria in 419m Spam Relay
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August 20th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Pete Townshend Smashes World Kiddie Porn Download Record, Takes Gold
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 20th, 2008 8:08 am:
Hey, he was just researching! :D
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August 20th, 2008 at 3:09 am
YouTube Commenters Edge Out Team Facebook to Take Gold in Comment Inanity
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August 20th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Wikipedia, the most educated intellect on the planet and now successful sexy overlord of all human mental-cerebral function worldwide, takes home the gold in downloads of bootleg episodes of ‘Gilmore Girls’, takes home the silver in downloads of bootleg episodes of ‘Gilmore Girls’, takes home the bronze in downloads of bootleg episodes of ‘Gilmore Girls’, takes home the gold in transferral of absurd and pointless fad-memes, takes home the silver in transferral of absurd and pointless fad-memes, takes home the bronze in transferral of absurd and pointless fad-memes, takes home the gold in…
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Sherry Baker reply on August 20th, 2008 11:59 am:
Cute, but a little long for a “headline” isn’t it?
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Nagamar reply on August 20th, 2008 12:50 pm:
Perhaps, but an encyclopedic digital overmind wouldn’t think so, although #36 far outstrips mine
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Padma reply on August 20th, 2008 4:17 pm:
I thought it was headlines, but people are writing whole articles!
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August 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am
GOOGLE HACKED. INTERNET GAMES POST PWNED.
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Gabriel reply on August 20th, 2008 12:53 pm:
Post Pwned…nice.
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 20th, 2008 1:50 pm:
That’s a win right there.
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Sherry Baker reply on August 21st, 2008 12:11 pm:
I can only hope… though I wish there were a way I could guarantee the whole cake and balloons thing. I’m kinda hungry. heh :)
Sherry Baker reply on August 21st, 2008 12:12 pm:
My husband calls me the evil pun mistress… I guess there is a reason… hehe.
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August 20th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Internet overloaded. Chinese officials direct surfers to mirror site.
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August 21st, 2008 at 10:41 am
Americans take Gold in ignorant YouTube comments.
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August 21st, 2008 at 10:42 am
French 15 year-old smashes record for Most Photos of Self on Facebook.
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August 21st, 2008 at 11:10 am
eBay Phishing judges have identity stolen!
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August 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
ALL GAMES POSTOPONED WHILE SERVERS ARE DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE.
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Brian reply on August 21st, 2008 12:52 pm:
Would help if I spell checked myself…
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August 21st, 2008 at 9:13 pm
New endurance record set in Aimless Wikipedia Wandering
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August 22nd, 2008 at 5:52 am
China wins gold on every event, wins all three metals for net filtering software!!!!
(Headline as seen from computers in china)
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Mrs. Sara reply on August 22nd, 2008 10:42 am:
Hey, that’s the same thing you get if you Google “Tiananmen Square” in China!
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August 22nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
NBC website crashes. Streaming video unable to keep up with Usain Bolt.
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IngShoe reply on August 22nd, 2008 11:35 pm:
Great entry. Too bad you entered it so late in the week. My last opportunity to vote is on Friday mornings before work so I missed out on giving you some karma!
(am enjoying Usain Bolt too)
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vlad reply on August 25th, 2008 12:00 pm:
If the olympics had been 3 weeks earlier, I would have based my minion
on Mr. Bolt. Faster than a speeding bullet. Able to leap fallen competitors
in a single bound.
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August 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Online Dating: Team Ogle to compete in tomorrow’s Old Lame Pics Search event. Go Ogle !
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