Aug 25 2008

Contest #9: Meta-Contest

Category: Uncategorized @ 1:44 am

For this week’s contest, you’re going to have to meditate and become one with the internet, the cosmos, and Mental Magma.

This week’s contest is to invent the best Mental Magma-esque contest. I know what you’re saying, “But Gabriel, you’ve just done that with Contest #9 here.” Okay, point taken, but go ahead and give it a shot.

To create a MM-esque contest, you’re going to have to be familiar with our mindset. If you’re relatively new to the site, you’ll probably benefit from giving a quick look to our previous contests.

If you’ve submitted a contest idea via email to us before, you may submit the same idea for this contest.

Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate and a USB Powered Missile Launcher!. (If the thought of pelting people straying too near your computer with mouse-controlled foam projectiles doesn’t get your adrenaline pumping, we’re willing to give you another $25 Amazon gift certificate instead).

Contest Summary
Assignment
: Invent the best Mental Magma-esque contest.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, August 29th at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate AND a USB Powered Missile Launcher.

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you check out the latest update or contest?

150 Responses to “Contest #9: Meta-Contest”

  1. Gabriel Says:
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    Things to consider…
    *When we’re trying to come up with ideas, we often try to combine two things which really don’t ordinarily have anything to do with one another (such as pantheistic deities and political slogans).

    *While we often try to go for high brow humor, some of our favorite contests have been more silly than erudite (such as the contest to name the board game that would make the worst roommate).

    *Lastly, we find the best contests are ones that walk a fine line between being too restrictive and too broad. A contest to make up a word for the feeling you get when you have to sneeze but then don’t is probably too narrow (many of the answers would be similar). A contest to make up any new word would be too broad (doesn’t give enough of a creative push). A contest to make up a fake swear word might be just right (nearly unlimited creative space, but gives a clear direction & goal).

  2. dlawhon Says:
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    You are the principal of an underfunded high school. There are no textbooks, or teachers. Using your favorite authors and their works, create a comprehensive curriculum to educate your students.

  3. dlawhon Says:
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    You’ve just been “laid off”. Write a song telling your ex-boss, exactly what you think of this, him/her, and/or how you intend to spend the “unemployment” checks.

  4. dlawhon Says:
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    Probably should have said rewrite the lyrics to your favorite song for this one.

  5. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    You’ve finally worked up the guts to open the year-round costume shop you’ve always dreamed of, and the time has come for you to quit your current, soul-crushing office job. What costume do you wear to your boss’ office to give him your two weeks notice?

  6. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    The United States Government has recently come up with a device that will allow dolphins to speak and understand English, and they want YOU to be the US ambassador to the dolphin world. It’s your job to communicate the government’s desire to work together with the dolphins to achieve whatever dolphin-y ends you can imagine. What will be the title and/or first line of your first speech to the dolphin population of the world?

  7. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    You are a a customer service associate and your boss tells you to sell multiple items to your customers that aren’t necessary. They say that your job depends on it. If you don’t sell this pointless crap then you will be written up and/or possibly fired.

    Your job is to become your boss. Write to most outrageous ways some one could get fired, or written up. There are no limits. Deadline is Sunday August 30, 2008.

  8. citoldu Says:
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    (Idea placement for January)

    Richard Dean Anderson is turning 59! That’s right everyone’s favorite American T.V. secret agent is celebrating his birthday this month. In tribute to his greatness we create this contest.

    You have been tied up and tossed into the middle of a stadium full of Packers while wearing a giants jersey. How do you escape?

    Items on you: Pants (thank goodness) shoes (Velcro) and your kicking Atari Lynx II.

  9. R.E.D. Says:
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    Everybody has played HANGMAN at some point in their life but it gets boring. So, the contest is to create a hangman-esque game where you get to hang ANY animal, real or fictional. So pick the animal you would like to dismember and that will give you an advantage to win. No insects unless they are part of your made up animal otherwise, “HANGCENTIPEDE” would win everytime.
    A variation of this game would be two player hangsomething where you and your opponent’s animal bites off the other animal’s parts.

  10. Jakutz Says:
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    Oftentimes in James Bond movies, Bond gets captured and the main villain has a creative way to execute him. In this week’s contest you get to be the villain. How would you dispatch 007?

  11. Padma Says:
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    You Are What You Eat. You can eat *anything* you want. What powers does it give you, or whom do you become by eating it?

  12. Soleil Says:
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    Following in the train of the Internet Olympics . . .

    The Internet has gone to war! Vast swathes of the web are converging to final conflict. Write a breaking-news headline on the border disputes involving two or more popular websites.

  13. Soleil Says:
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    Philosopher party! Aristotle just threw a rave – and all the important philosophers, mathematicians, and physicists were there. Somebody had too much of Bacchus’ finest. Who was it, what did they do, and what did the others say? Post your postulations.

  14. Jakutz Says:
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    If you were going to live in another country for one year, what super power would you find handy?

  15. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    Super Human strength …yes, this means Superman! Imagine that you are a super hero. You can make up your own, or use a pre-existing super hero. What kind of powers would they have and what would they do for the good, or bad of the country? Options are endless and there are NO limits! an example other than Superman:

    My super hero would have the strength of Superman, you know the body of steel, and strength of Hercules. However, Superman has a weakness: Kryptonite. My super hero would have no weaknesses, therefore he would not be destructible.

    He would follow in Superman’s foot steps and save the country from harmful-scientifically-gone-wrong beings, and just bad people in general.

  16. Garrett Says:
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    You’re into Web 2.0 and have a website rapidly growing in popularity, but you’re running out of ideas.
    How would you make getting new ideas fit in with the site’s raison d’etre?

  17. dlawhon Says:
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    I laughed at that at least. This is a hard one.

  18. Padma Says:
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    Invent-a-Virus

    Invent a computer virus. What would you like it to do and why?

  19. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    The Germans are about to invade Poland to start World War II. You’re standing
    on the border with a tea spoon, two sticks of dynomite, and a CD copy of
    the White Album. Explain what the hell you think you’re doing.

  20. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    It’s late on Monday, the third of November 2008. John McCain dies of a heart
    attack after hearing of Barack Obama’s death in a plane crash. Before the
    country goes off the deep end, the party leaders decide to interview ten
    US citizens, and back whoever has the best plan to save the country. The
    catch: in this age of short attention spans, each candidate is given precisely
    50 words. How do you convince them you are the right person to save the
    country? (Caveat: bugging out to Canada is not an option. You’re patriotic,
    so step up and do your duty.)

  21. Soleil Says:
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    Unworthy of an actual contest, I would say, but I haven’t laughed so hard in days. Nice work.

    Your next one, however, does get a +1 from me.

  22. Jakutz Says:
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    Aliens are attacking Earth. Luckily George Lucas has genetically engineered all of the characters from Star Wars. However, they are all frozen and there is only enough time to thaw two of them. Which characters will you warm up to help you save Earth, and how will they help you?

  23. VieuMove Says:
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    You’ve just compiled a masterpiece of neat code. It will unquestionably become the new trendy software geeks use and praise.
    But you are yet to tackle the most important issue preceding the release: you have to find an awesome recursive acronym to name the program.

    Two famous examples :
    Wine – Wine Is Not an Emulator
    LiVES – LiVES is a Video Editing Software

  24. dlawhon Says:
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    Ha, I must’ve gotten accidental votes from the same “non reading” clicker who voted for you.

  25. Padma Says:
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    Brain swap
    You can take anyone and swap their brain with another brain. Rule : they must be alive right now. Whose brains would you swap, and to what end?

  26. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    You’re in charge of the Disney World redesign team. You can move all the
    cool stuff together, and lump all the lame stuff somewhere else. Which five
    rides or attractions wind up in the cool area, and which five in the lame
    space. Bonus point: design your own new, cool ride or attraction.

  27. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    Thanks! A laugh is almost as good as a vote.

  28. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    LOL!

  29. fooly cooly Says:
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    You’re trapped on a barren planet being forced by a rock-monster to fight to the death in a team death match. What famous historical figures would you choose for your team?(Abraham Lincoln and Genghis Khan are taken/not available)

  30. Emily Says:
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    Americans in the 21st century are dying of boredom. Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution just aren’t enough to satisfy their quest for fun. So it’s up to you to decide the next new dance crave that will get people off their butts and onto the dance floor! Whether it be a new version of YMCA or Disco, maybe even a combination of both, just as long as it’s entertaining for everyone between ages 1 to 101!

  31. Gabriel Says:
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    Okay, I like this one, but I have a few questions:
    1. Are we fighting the rock-monster or some other human tag team?
    2. Is this a one-off match or a tournament? Do I need to worry about my historical partner’s stamina?
    3. Do you consider Koko the gorilla a famous historical figure?

  32. fooly cooly Says:
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    you’re fighting another team, but work on the basis that you won’t have an advantage or disadvantage based on what the other team turned out to be.

    it’s a one-of

    I wouldn’t say the ability to communicate with humans is a necessity, but if you pick something silly like a t-rex, it’s just going to eat you, so it’s kind of pointless. try to pick humans unless you have a really good reason

  33. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    This one is awesome!

  34. Garrett Says:
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    The Jesus/Siddhartha ticket has received the Democratic nomination for President/VP.
    What attack ads will the notorious GOP 527s come up with?

    (A 527 is a group such as Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.)

  35. Garrett Says:
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    You’re running for political office. One morning, you wake up in a supermarket in Thailand handcuffed to a couple ladies of the night, both of whom are actually lads of the night, and a crack pipe in your pocket. The photographers have been shooting through the window for a while.

    How do you turn this to your advantage?

  36. Garrett Says:
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    Let’s add that you honestly have no idea how you got there.

  37. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Ewww.. too gruesome. Dismemberment? Biting off parts? Ick. Sorry R.E.D.!

  38. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    I take it Mrs. Sara is a big Star Trek fan?

  39. IngShoe Says:
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    Write a clever/humorous phrase or short saying that attempts to convince your neighbors to clean up after their dogs as they walk through your yard and do their business. The catch? You have to be willing to put it on a sign in your front yard. (if you don’t have a front yard imagine that you do)

  40. Jakutz Says:
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    You look out your window and realize that the worst thing in the world has happened. Describe what you see.

  41. Jakutz Says:
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    Whoever has the best mustached cat picture wins.

  42. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

  43. Gabriel Says:
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    You just blew my mind.

  44. Gabriel Says:
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    If anyone is looking for a business idea, it looks like MussoliniMuts.com is still available. :)

  45. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    I’m on it!

  46. vlad Says:
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    And MoveOn.org. Hey Garrett!

  47. Jakutz Says:
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    Wow, I just threw that on there as a joke. I had no idea there were actually cats out there that look like they have mustaches. Awesome!

  48. Jakutz Says:
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    Come up with a cool screen saver text that a Disney character would have on their computer.

  49. Jakutz Says:
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    It’s hard to come up with good ideas because this contest is so broad, but I guess there is no avoiding it.

  50. fooly cooly Says:
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    I’m not sure Gabriel realized this was inspired by an episode of Star Trek, but I don’t think just being inspired by copyrighted material is against the rules, as the make-a-minion contest was inspired by the wizard of oz.

  51. Gabriel Says:
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    Yeah, I missed the reference. And you’re right, there’s nothing inappropriate about contests inspired from copyrighted material.

  52. R.E.D. Says:
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    Sorry, Bunny Slippers if it’s a little gory but have you played any video games lately or watched a George W. Bush speach?

  53. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    Combine your two great passions: numismatics and pugilism. Replace the portrait
    on any current US coin with a great boxer from the present or past, and explain
    your choice.

  54. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    No video games… and I try to avoid listening to The Idiot.
    :-)

  55. NCSAdan Says:
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    CNN frequently (and often to great comic/tragic effect) runs news stories in a continually scrolling feed at the bottom of your TV screen that are completely unrelated to the stories being told by the reporters. Come up with 2 such contradicting “developments” that either make you laugh, or make you a little queasy (it’ll probably end up being both!) Be specific about which story is spoken, and which is “scrolling text.”

  56. Jakutz Says:
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    Come up with a Star Wars character anti-drug slogan. You know, those commercials where they say “running track is my anti-drug” or “my family is my anti-drug.”

  57. gig Says:
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    And I was going to invite you for Thanksgiving!!

  58. Soleil Says:
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    Storm Trooper: “Repressive totalitarian dictatorship is my anti-drug.”*

    *(c) Soleil

  59. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Create your own portmanteau word (a blend of two (or more) words) and give the definition for it. It can’t exist already so you’ll need to google it before posting your entry. Examples: wikipedia (wiki + encyclopedia), chocoholic (chocolate + alcoholic), brunch (breakfast + lunch).

  60. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Design and describe a new theme restaurant; the theme has to be related to one of your favorite movies. You may want to include the name of the restaurant, its signature dish, the decor, etc.

  61. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Or one of your favorite books.

  62. Garrett Says:
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    True enough. I had organizations with no purpose outside of “colorful” politics on my mind.

  63. Garrett Says:
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    The Gravity’s Rainbow bar – it’ll take you a long time to get into it or out of it and you won’t ever be sure what’s going on or that it’s even a bar, but you’ll like it and keep coming back. You certainly won’t know what the signature dish is and the decor is unlikely to be constant.

  64. dlawhon Says:
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    As you can see from no votes, we are all entirely to mature to think about Disney characters! Now, Star Wars, imaginary minions, and talking dolphins, that’s different. =)

  65. Garrett Says:
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    Famous physical POTUS TR is going to box the American politician – living or dead – of your choice. Who would you put up against him and why?

  66. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    gruesome or not, this is mighty clever, I vote for it.
    The MAN in Hangman has had a monopoly for far too long.

  67. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    Famous physical POTUS TR?

  68. dlawhon Says:
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    President of the United States; Teddy Roosevelt

  69. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    Oh man, I am SO on board with this one…

  70. fooly cooly Says:
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    too easy:P the restaurant at the end of the universe

  71. IngShoe Says:
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    Invent a new article of clothing. Why do I use the word ‘invent’ intead of ‘design’? Because this item must be a new “green” technological invention. Perhaps it produces energy or converts CO2 into O2 – you decide!

  72. IngShoe Says:
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    Come up with a new governmental department or agency and choose a celebrity (alive or dead or fictional) to chair it.

  73. smodaresi Says:
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    Submit a photo of your favorite dictator’s face made entirely out of food!

  74. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    And some of them even have combovers!

  75. greg Says:
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    In the waning months of his presidency, what is the final insult George Bush is capable of laying on us? Without betraying your source, “Deeper Throat,” write the headline and brief news article that breaks the story to the nation and world. Be creative and do not fear the outrageous. After all, what has GW taught us if not that the craziest fears we can dream of are the very ones he can help to come true?

  76. greg Says:
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    Darn it! I wanna PLAY some of these contest ideas now!

    Smack? Crack? Blow? Hmmph, a Jedi craves not these things!

  77. Garrett Says:
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    Ever read The Island of Dr. Moreau? Think of that.

    Just as in the book, you’re shipwrecked, forced to cannibalize your fellow survivors, and picked up by a passing ship before being dropped against your will on a densely forested island long thought o be uninhabited. You’re a bit down until you see that it’s inhabited after all. And by friendly and attractive folk with an interest in you!

    What’s the catch?

  78. Jakutz Says:
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    Not even a sympathy vote? Ouch. I’d crawl into a hole if my apartment didn’t already resemble one.

  79. Garrett Says:
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    Elected officials in your country should be paid with. . .
    Delivered by means of. . .

    Fill in the blanks.

  80. Jakutz Says:
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    Create a new type of World of Warcraft character (class) that corresponds to everyday life in high school, college, or the workplace. Talk about their strengths, weaknesses, and abilities.

  81. Jakutz Says:
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    Example: Emo. They find strength in sissy music, crying, and complaining about their lives. Weak against gym class, authority, and 9-year-old girls. At level 10 they can wear geeky glasses and gain the ability to sing like a eunuch.

  82. Jakutz Says:
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    Actually, it might be kind of cool to just make up a character (name and everything). Assume this option is included as part of the package for Entry 41.

  83. Jakutz Says:
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    Shakespeare is outdated. However, this is a problem that can be solved. Take a Shakespearean play and describe some of the modifications you would make so it would be more modern (or even futuristic).

  84. Jakutz Says:
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    I haven’t seen Hamlet 2 yet, but yeah, that’s where the idea came from. I think that’s what it is… ?

  85. Jakutz Says:
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    If you lived in a world that only used food as currency, what would you make your money out of? Why?

  86. Jakutz Says:
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    Only if they serve pan galactic gargle blasters.

  87. dlawhon Says:
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    MMMM!! conscious and willing steak!!! I’m there!

  88. vlad Says:
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    I wouldn’t use blanks.

  89. vlad Says:
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    Answering correctly to this one could result in a visit from DHS.

  90. vlad Says:
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    Using past and present characters and locations from tv shows, cast and set
    a sitcom in a post apocalyptic world.

  91. Gabriel Says:
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    :)

  92. smodaresi Says:
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    OMG…I think I’d just wet my pants!

  93. vlad Says:
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    Wait five hours and call Ted Kennedy and Marion Barry, and with the aid of a
    medium, contact Wilbur Mills, Gerry Studds and J Edgar Hoover to solicit
    their advice.

  94. vlad Says:
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    OK, Jakutz, you got your one vote.

  95. vlad Says:
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    Garrett, you are obviously using dream sequences for contest entries, and
    maybe a nightmare thrown in in the case of entry #26. Maybe you had best
    lay off the saki for a while.

  96. vlad Says:
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    I know how you came up with this one. After having your usual nightcap,
    you drifted off to sleep with “Lola” playing on the oldies station.

  97. R.E.D. Says:
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    Thanks for the support SomeGuyNamedDoug!

  98. R.E.D. Says:
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    make it 2

  99. R.E.D. Says:
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    This is inspired by Garrett so if it wins, I’d like him to get half the credit. The catch is that they are cannibals.
    Read Garrett’s entry #41: Now,make up a name for the menu item that will include you!(DIP: Digest In Peace)You can be a main course or a dessert, etc. Anything that would be on the menu. Don’t forget that your blood can be the drink (sorry, Bunny Slippers, there’s more gore to come.) Your entry will include: Which parts of your body are in the dish and the name of the menu item/items that will include you.

  100. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    Believe it or not, that might HELP your situation.

  101. Mrs. Sara Says:
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    Lol’d at the eunuch thing.

  102. Soleil Says:
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    XD

    You win very much.

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