Sep 22 2008
Contest #13: Alternative Hazards
Our apologies to triskaidekaphobes everywhere, but we decided to plunge ahead with contest #13 despite the potential bad luck. This contest is about alternative warnings, hazards, and dangers. Sometimes there are threats in our environment that have nothing to do with falling rocks or electric fences. This week we plan on exposing those threats.
This week’s contest is to come up with a novel danger, hazard, or warning sign. You could go with science-related (Warning: The Sun is going to explode…in 4 to 5 billion years), go with absurd humor (Danger: Open pickle jar), go with something self-referential (Notice: I no longer have an appendix), or whatever you think of (you guys are better at this than me). This is going to be a merch contest, so we’ll be putting some of the entries in our online store.
The rules for this one are pretty relaxed. You are encouraged but not required to use a word like hazard/danger/warning in your sign. You are encouraged to describe what the sign should look like (it doesn’t have to look like the one we have shown on this post).
We’re not changing any rules yet this week, so standard contest timeline and contest rules apply. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate and a $15 Mental Magma Online Store gift certificate.
Contest Summary
Assignment: Devise a warning sign about an unconventional threat.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, September 26th at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate AND a $15 Mental Magma Online Store gift certificate.
Pic by flickr user Arenamontanus
Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you check out the latest update or contest?
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:54 am
Warning: My smile has been known to stop hearts.
This would be good as a t-shirt or possibly a facial tattoo.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 am
Warning: Human Evolution is happening right now, and there is nothing you can do about it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:59 am
Wrnanig: If yuo cna raed tihs oyu mghit hvae dislexya.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:03 am
Revolutionary New Survey Strongly Suggests that Dying may be Hazardous to your Health
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:03 am
Warning: I drop trow.
It’s a sophisticated way to let the world know you aren’t sophisticated.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:04 am
Warning
Old People Crossing
it would be your standard yellow diamond sign, but with an old fogey with a walker as a black silhouette
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:04 am
I feel like real life has some of these already.
For example, the clearly labeled jar of peanuts, look on the back:
Ingredients: Peanuts, Salt
WARNING: CONTAINS PEANUTS!
This has always made me want to see if there was any more ridiculous way you could possibly pull this one, like maybe:
Warning: Room contains Oxygen, anaerobic organisms and the suicidal, please keep out.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:08 am
on a t-shirt:
WARNING: I’M NAKED UNDER THIS
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 am
this is a new line of product for you guys
underwear that says
ALLERGIES:
May Contain Nuts
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:15 am
Warning: Presidential race in progress, be sure to plan your television schedule carefully. Serious brain damage may occur.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:21 am
Notice: Murphy’s Law in effect; all violators will have their dreams confiscated for crushing.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 am
Niiiiice!
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:35 am
I need this one:
“Beware-May become aggressive in the presence of bacon.”
Maybe throw a nice cartoony bacon strip in a circle with a line through it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:42 am
Danger: Will Robinson
Underneath it would have a picture of Will, from Lost in Space, decked out like a bamf. This would be like a “beware of dog” sign. You could put it on a fence or on your bedroom door or something. Maybe it would even have the robot next to him.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 am
Forecasts call for a 60% chance of Crustacean showers.
[picture of shrimp falling from the sky]
You may want to pack your cocktail sauce today.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 am
Warning!
Robots: Do not read the next sentence
This sentence is false.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:55 am
Warning: This beverage may cause structural instability.
Below would be a picture of the Kool-Aid guy busting through a wall.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:19 am
Caution: Ugly person reading sign.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:27 am
Danger: This sign emits poisonous gas.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 am
on a t-shirt:
WARNING: NUDE IN DISGUISE
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 am
or NUDIST IN DISGUISE
…y’know, whichever is funnier. they both mean the exact same thing.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 am
Warning- WOLVES IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING AHEAD!
The sign could show a fluffy sheep with a wolf’s grin on it. The sheep could have a visible zipper, showing that something is disguised inside it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 am
been done….
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:00 am
You could show a symbol with a robot with its head exploding (or exploded)
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 am
CAUTION: My butt has a mind of its own.
(This is for a baby onsie).
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Caution, A straight Ladder should be placed at an angle of approximately 76 degrees This can be accomplished by moving the base of the ladder away from the structure a distance equal to one fourth the height of the ladder.
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:59 am
warning, I fall up the stairs!
i can see the sign now! LOL
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
warning: kangaroos hate you.
this would be a variant of the yellow australian sign for ‘warning kangaroos crossing’, but it could be put up anywhere around the world without losing relevance. cheers,
n.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Warning: Dumb people are breeding
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I have a few
Warning: Thesaurus is not a dinosaur
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Caution: Costumes worn on days beside Halloween can be found creepy and unusual.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Danger: Any game ending with -Opoly may cause permanent damage.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Danger: cooking while driving may cause burnt bacon
(I felt silly)
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
danger: winning a mental magma contest may increase sperm count
(Like I said, I feel silly)
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Even the girls? Remember, it’s 6-6 thus far.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
It is silly, though. LOL.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
WARNING hardhat area, Vlad at large.
Garrett, I made an incredibly rude statement in one of our previous exchanges.
I knew it the moment I saw it in print but,alas, there is no edit function on
Mentalmagma so I was stuck with it. I am very, very sorry. Mentalmagma needs
your input far more than it needs mine [you actually understand all the contests].
I will remain in self-imposed exile.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm
NOTICE: I’m picturing you naked.
The shirt could have a picture of just clothes with nobody in them inside a circle with a line through it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Attention: Anti-Alliteration Area Ahead!
(a friend and I used to pun on “do not litter” signs, this is taking it one step further ;))
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
NOTICE: You will be in my dreams tonight.
WARNING: My dreams may contain nudity.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Two for one. I don’t think it even needs an illustration. It could just have “NOTICE:” In big letters, with “you will be in my dreams tonight” in smaller letters under it. Then the same for WARNING. But the , “my dreams may contain nudity” in REALLY fine print. Or variations thereof.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
NOTICE: Today is not the first day of the rest of your life.
WARNING: Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
WARNING: You are 99.9% of the way to being totally ignored.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Picture a giant tombstone on the front of the shirt with this written on it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
WARNING:
One of us is going to say something STUPID!
O.K., It’s you.
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
WARNING:
One of us is going to sleep with your UGLY sister…
O.K., It’s you.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
NOTICE: Statistics have proven that 100% of the people reading this shirt need to get a life!
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
sign on the edge of a big cliff:
No Parking Beyond This Point
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I want one!! I’d vote for this one TWICE…if I were a Republican.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
!regnad etaidemmi ni era uoy :GNINRAW
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
REBEL BASE AHEAD:
Be Alert for Frequent Fleet Evacuation
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
VIA DOLOROSA
Watch for Cross Traffic
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Warning: Rapture imminent (This time we mean it for real, not like those other times we warned you)
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Danger: Quantum probability waves collapsing
The picture could show a cat face with x’s for eyes.
Alternatively, you could add “Your cat is now dead”
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Invisible Hand of the Market.
The picture is a giant fist crushing dollar signs.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Warning: If this confrontation were taking place in cyberspace instead of meatspace, I would be pwning you instead of fleeing like frightened squirrel.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Warning: I cross the streams.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Is this one too obscure to get? You could add a picture of ghostbuster proton packs or something.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
ONE WAY or ANOTHER
Remember when you asked about uploading pix for contest entries? This would have a good week to allow that. I feel like for a lot of these “you kinda have to be there,” and describing the sign sometimes just doesn’t cut it.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Picture is of black skull on yellow background like that on many hazard/radiation warning signs. Formatted something like:
[SKULL PICTURE]
ALAS
I knew him well.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
VEHICLE USER’S WARNING:
-DO NOT STEAL THIS GOLF CART BY REMOVING THIS PLASTIC PLATE AND HOT-WIRING IT BY STRIKING THE GREEN WIRE AGAINST THE YELLOW WIRE.
-DO NOT PROCEED TO DRIVE TO THE CLUBHOUSE AND USE THE KEY IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT OF THIS CART TO ACCESS VAST QUANTITIES OF LIQUOR WHEN THE GOLF COURSE IS CLOSED AT NIGHT.
-DO NOT THEN BUILD RAMPS AND ATTEMPT TO VAULT OVER THE STREAM ON THE 11TH HOLE USING THIS GOLF CART. YOU WON’T MAKE IT. SERIOUSLY, DUDE, DON’T.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
This would be the trashiest shirt ever…yet I can think of so many people who’d wear it and so many retailers who’d sell it…and then I can think of a Third World child wearing it when they receive it from a clothing drive after it is donated at a church by a mother who disapproves of it…kind of disturbing, actually.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:10 pm
WARNING: Too much time exposure to children might drive you to the nut house.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I didn’t get it, but I haven’t seen that movie in a million years either, so I’m probably not the best judge.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
This is kind of a good pick-up line! :)
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Sad…but funny.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I know what you mean. Sometimes I want people to know exactly what I’m thinking, but the more I explain, the more it loses it’s glossy finish.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Warning: in case of rapture, I’m stealing your car.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
On the door of my son’s bathroom:
Warning: Potty Train Zone, items damaged by moisture not our responsibility.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Well… maybe it could induce sperm formation in females… huh?… huh ?… did ya ever think of that?? Do we really know what the long term side effects of winning a MM contest are?
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Warning: My touch brings back the dead.
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Notice:
Weirdos reading t-shirts have been reported in this vicinity.
And for the ladies?
Notice:
Weirdos staring at my chest have been reported in this vicinity.
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Schrödinger’s Warning: Cat in box is both alive and dead until box is opened.
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 pm
ATTENTION!
This garment is made of the finest materials using traditional techniques and will serve you well for years.
Neither the fabric nor the hands that made it were able to embue it with magical powers.
As such, DO NOT ASK THE PERSON WAITING OUTSIDE THIS DRESSING ROOM IF IT MAKES YOUR “BUTT LOOK BIG,” especially if it happens to be, AS THIS CAN ONLY LEAD TO BAD FEELINGS OR SOMEBODY LYING.
Dry-Clean Only
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Notice: This shirt has been changed from it’s original format, it has been formatted to fit this body.
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I kinda pictured an image of Doc Brown from Back to the Future looking stunned, with a saying like: Just because you don’t need roads, doesn’t mean there’s no speed limit.
But since that doesn’t fit the contest, I’m going with the standard speed limit sign design:
Speed Limit : 1 second/second
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Warning: I’m too sexy for this shirt.
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:02 pm
A clockwork type design would be present, with the words:
Beware of Cog
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
alternatively, there could be a Warhol-esque repetition of office workers at desks
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:22 pm
and yet, describing it usually means that I spend less time here, and so actually get *some* sleep :P
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I feel obligated to share this non-original entry.
There was an ancient sign outside a church where I used to live that looked just like your standard city No Parking signs, but read instead:
Thou shalt not park here.
We called it the eleventh commandment, and it’s physical existence makes me happy to this day.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
I think this could be your week R.E.D., your entries are spot on.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
I think this one is better than mine. Is this original, dlawhon? It almost sounds too good to not already be a sign or something. Kudos, I’d vote for it if I could.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:40 am
I love both of these.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 am
How about:
This shirt intentionally left blank.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:51 am
Warning: Mens bathroom straight ahead!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:52 am
Warning: I may become an Internet sensation
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Warning: I spread memes
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
Beware of Kitten Widows.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:27 am
I think it’s too late. I already have dain bramage.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:31 am
Caution: No Diving into Shallow end of Gene Pool.
Could be placed next to condom dispenser in bathroom. Or anywhere stupid people gather to fornicate.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:35 am
My gosh…this one could stop traffic. Wha—? Oh! No, he doesn’t! WHAAt?
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:39 am
“Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!”
(The alert is the same as has been used for Medi-Alert pagers for years, but now it appears on Viagra packaging.)
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 am
A picture of a clenched fist.
CAUTION: For external use only.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Notiz: Jost bekawse i have a hughe peinse it dusn’t nezahairly mak me stewpid!
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
NOTUZ: In lit of pub-like deskclosing, “Bubba Manly” is a gnome-de-plum of a regular poster on this site.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
How about tonight, say eightish?
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Thanks S.G.N.D.! I hope so…
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
LOL
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Print one up for me, I’d buy it!
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Saboteur! Now people will feel guilty if they vote for it. “Looks like I’ll never win one of these contests.” *R.E.D. sobs*
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Notice: Although this t-shirt looks worn and faded, I purchased this t-shirt in Q3 2008.
(Design would have the retro look so many shirts have today)
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I can guess who.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
EOP
Equal Opportunity Paranoid
Past-Present-Future
All-Feared
All-Suspected
“If you’re not out to get me, it’s only because you know that I think you are, and you’re trying to make me look stupid.”
The quotation would encirlce the other pieces of information in a badge or shield configuration.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:56 pm
BEWARE
I have trust issues.
Therefore you do to.
Or you should.
You will.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
It’s all in fun, SomeGuyNamedDoug, everybody, I hope my entries aren’t taken too seriously and that nobody is offended.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I guess I’ll throw it on the bottom.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Warning: in case of rapture, I’m stealing your car
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Caution: Molten hot ideas
This would be good on a shirt. Under the words it could have the stick figure guy who is on the men’s restroom signs, but his head would be on fire. On the back it would have the brain logo above “mentalmagma.com”
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Caution: Objects in reality may not exist.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Notice: all people claiming human rights will be required to pass a Turing test.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Warning: I have a brain and I’m not afraid to use it.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Danger: Heads of state in possession of nuclear weapons. Please elect with caution.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Notice: Quantum theory predicts a very small, but non-zero, chance that your
pants may disappear at any moment. Make sure you wear clean underwear.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Hey, I don’t think something qualifies as a “website” unless something on it offends someone. But your comments aren’t offensive, that’s Stevel’s job.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
kitten widows or poisonous kittens? hum…
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Notice: Your girlfriend/wife got her hair cut today.
It would be great if girls would start putting these on their friends when they notice that she’s gotten her hair cut. This would help guys everywhere, because then they would know. It would be a disaster, though, if they fell into the wrong hands. If you said, “Aw, you got your hair cut! I like it,” when no haircut took place, the jig would be up!
September 23rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Notice: They’re watching you.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Warning: Molten hot ideas.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
And I’ll bet you know which logo goes above and which website goes underneath. Advertising and humor, all in one package.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Doug wants one.
<__>
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:44 pm
For his girlfriend.
>_>
(Woah, the tag symbols cut out most of the above post …)
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
i was thinking something like that(actually exactly that lol: a robot with its head exploding).
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
everyone write their senator
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:39 pm
On a white shirt:
Danger: Reflecting high levels of photonic radiation!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
lol
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Nice. I bet you’d like entry 75 :)
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:56 pm
I’d like to see a traditional yield sign with a thrusting swordsman drawn in under the wording.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:03 pm
I like the idea a lot but I don’t think many people will get it. They might not know that the color of the shirt is important, or they might think it’s referring to the wearer of the shirt. Maybe it could be changed a little to make it a little more obvious: “Danger: White shirts reflect high…” Then again, maybe the subtle approach is what you’re going for. Either way – nice!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Yeah, it was meant to be changed if necessary, but I personally prefer the more subtle, it makes it more rewarding for those who do get it.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Limited in options, but humorous:
http://www.warningsigngenerator.com/
Maybe it can help you envision your alternative hazard?
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Dammit, I knew somebody else had posted it. Never can find the right comments when I need too. :/
Howzabout I +1 yours instead?
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm
perfect as is.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Notice: My IQ is 250.
Cookies for anyone who gets it.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I’d like to think that at MM we can go for the smart/subtle joke.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Caution: I value my personal space above your health.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Don’t Mess With Me, I have Jesus in my heart.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Older? Maybe. Still the breakfast of chammpions
September 24th, 2008 at 12:11 am
What are you looking at? Of course I am naked under my clothes!
September 24th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Fear he who doesn’t mean what he says. Fear even more he who doesn’t say what he means.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Expecting fathers feel delivery pains, too!
September 24th, 2008 at 1:00 am
It would make it more rewarding. Good point.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:05 am
Hey, great idea.
My roommate used the purple caution one on there once. He always yells, “Stand down, Captain!” if one of us gets in his face or demands something from him. I can’t remember what movie it’s from, but he said it so often that he eventually just put the sign on his door.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:09 am
lol, +1 right back at you.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:15 am
Warning: Limericks may cause insanity.
This is for everyone who thought in limericks for all of last week.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:49 am
Posted at a frat house or some other place perilously “rushed”:
CAUTION: ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD HERE.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Good lord!
September 24th, 2008 at 8:04 am
This is one of the best posted, funny but actually a terribly important message.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:05 am
God, I wish…
September 24th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Has someone been signs Googling for inspiration? :)
September 24th, 2008 at 8:07 am
What kind of cookies?
September 24th, 2008 at 8:09 am
I can’t tell if the intention here is genuine or irony.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Like at rest stops?
September 24th, 2008 at 8:48 am
The Rock
September 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am
haha, sorry. too much?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:51 am
No, it’s great, it’s just so subtle as to be shocking when you realize what’s going on.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Warning:
This Shirt Will Self-Destruct in 3 Seconds
September 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Warning:
Objects in telescope may be older than they appear
September 24th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Warning:
If you punch me, I will apply an equal force to your fist!
September 24th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Ha! We’re getting very physics heavy on this site.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Warning:
Side Effects of Looking in My Eyes Include Fainting and Falling in Love
September 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
nit-picky edit: should say “May Include”, to better match a real warning
September 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
like in a commercial for a drug, if that wasn’t clear.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Caution:
You are entering a logic zone. Do not attempt to convince me of any of your belief systems.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
That’s it! Thanks, Clayton.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
That’s awesome. You went a really cool direction with this one.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
thanks dude
September 24th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
WARNING! I’m on the road to self-destruction. Do you really want to be standing there reading this shirt?
September 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
WARNING: Deja Vu ahead. WARNING: Deja Vu ahead. WARNING: Deja Vu ahead. WARNING: Deja Vu ahead…
September 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Religious Freaks Beware!
I am an Animalitarian, Darwin is my God
September 24th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
“Ready or not, I am going to whip your butt”
An implied warning, to be used as the caption for depicttion of a naked butt being frosted with whip cream. Entirely stupid, mildly crude, and probably appealing to most rednecks and fraternity brothers.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Please be aware, a severe idiocy warning has been issued for the following areas until further notice: The Internet, Television, Newspapers, Cinema. Thank you, and now to your previously scheduled T-shirt.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I envision this in white on black, with the colored bars test pattern on the reverse.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Albert, is that you?
September 24th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
NOTICE: GONE POSTAL…be back in 10-20 years.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
It could have a picture of a clock that looks like prison bars with the numbers being years instead of hours.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
IMPORTANT: It is not necessary to read this shirt.(sign?) You would just be wasting your time. If you keep reading this shirt it will be an exercise in futility. There is no redeeming value in continuing to read these words. You will not be informed or enlightened in any way. If I were still reading this shirt I would be feeling rather foolish just about now. (etc…until the alloted space is filled up)
September 24th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Warning:
I had beans and broccoli for lunch.
:-)
September 24th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Warning to all meatheads-
vegetarians love longer!
Cholesterol doesn’t just block
the vessels in your heart…
(if ya know what I mean!)
September 24th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
keepthe shirt if you want, but i think you’d be hard-pressed to find statistics of thta from a reputable source. that, like most info on both sides of the debate on how healthy vegetarianism is compared to omnivorism, are basically just urban legends
September 24th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Oooooo… kind of a serious comment for a silly entry. It wasn’t supposed to be a scientific pronouncement; it was supposed to be funny… “meathead”… “love” longer instead of “live” longer. I wouldn’t wear this on a shirt either, but some people might. Thanks for the slam.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Sorry! I’ve just seen little kids in those weird hand-me-down-from-other-country shirts and it is funny and sad at the same time. The weirdest one I remember was in Central America where everyone just wore shirts that said, “I AM PANAMA.” Whatever that means!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
WARNING:
Mwahahahahahaaaaa!
September 24th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
not trying to take sides or pick a fight; but… the reference to “loving longer” actually makes that statement more likely to be correct than saying “living longer”. And, there is definitely a medical connection between let’s say erector set disfunction and saturated fat. And, saturated fat only comes from eating animals and their “stuff”. I understand where your coming from fooly, but the entry didn’t say “live longer”.
September 24th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Well, the difference between a healthy and balanced vegetarian diet and a healthy and balanced omnivorous one is approximately zilch. The issues stem from excesses, which usually result from an excess of processed foods, not natural animal products. While animal products contain saturated fats, the easiest way to get them is from artificially hydrogenated oils, present in a huge portion of processed foods today.
By the way, the shirt is funny, and everyone should relax. Everybody gets along much better if you let stuff roll and give people the benefit of the doubt(especially in text-only communication). So lets just kick back, eat what we want, and “love” as long as we can. ;)
September 24th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Caution-Allergic to dumb. Symptoms of reaction may include: violence, dominating logical discourse, and drymouth.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Caution:
Smiling is contagious!
September 25th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Caution: You are in the presence of Greatness. While in the presence of Greatness you may experience feelings of inadequacy, awe, and extreme envy. These symptoms will pass once you are out of my way.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Don’t Panic!
September 25th, 2008 at 8:11 am
This one made me laugh.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Mostly Harmless.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am
That’s a good one, I’d wear that shirt :)
September 25th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Warning Notice:
Dangerous hazards may befall those persons who will be punished for uttering spoken (or written) redundant statements that are unnecessarily repetitive in nature.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Lalaith, I’m sorry but I must give you a Department of Redundancy Department citation. Please enter your PIN number and prepay your fine in advance.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Oh no… I’m going to have to go to the ATM machine!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
WARNING: Ignorance is breeding faster than intelligence!
You could have a dunce cap boxing an encyclopedia.
September 25th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Where is Gabriel on this one?
September 25th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Resistance is futile!
September 25th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
GLOBAL WARMING WARNING: Dude, your hair is on fire…
September 25th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I LOVE this site! One of my split personalities doesn’t have to go to therapy anymore!
September 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Warning: I eat foot sporadically.
September 25th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Caution: The occasional Total Perspective Vortex may begin to open where my mouth is.
September 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
*See 118-119 =)
September 25th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
My brain isn’t powerful enough to figure this one out. Maybe I should overclock it.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Perspective_Vortex
September 25th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I think the deciIQ scale is being used. Still higher than mine by 17 basic points though.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
CAUTION: Matter composed mostly of empty space
September 25th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
An IQ of 250 is pretty much impossible with the current size of the human population, unless you’re a college professor at 2 years old.
Random note: I took an online IQ test for a social science project, which rated me at “160+” (that’s somewhere between Lincoln and Descartes). I’m thinking that there’s an inverse relationship between an test taker’s IQ and the probability of said test taker actually believing that their IQ is above 160. >_>
You could reduce the shirt to say your IQ is 150 and only the geeks would call you out on it.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Caution:
Never date a man who owns a parrot and wears an eye patch and a ruffled shirt.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Regnad:
Htaed tnatsni sesuac sdrawkcab gnidaer.
(Danger:
Reading backwards causes instant death.)
September 25th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Ooops, sorry, I just went back up and saw Jakutz’s dyslexia entry. This one is similar, with the letters all messed up. Sorry, I wouldn’t have entered it.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Obviously Jakutz needs to start collecting royalties here or something. :D
September 26th, 2008 at 2:20 am
I don’t want to call you out or anything, but I’ve been teaching quantum physics at Princeton since I was 18 months old. Actually, my fifth birthday is coming up and everyone is invited. Steven Hawking and Barney will be attending.
September 26th, 2008 at 2:31 am
Ha ha, yeah. I’m charging a nickel for every thumbs up you get. Really, I think yours is a different enough from mine. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it if you hadn’t said anything. Actually, R.E.D. went backwards in entry 41, but I think you guys were going different directions with it anyway.
Oh, but I’m still collecting royalties… click. That’s the easiest 5 cents I’ve ever made.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Beware Carnivores: Every steak you enjoy tells the story of suffering of an animal and cruelty of man
September 26th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Warning to Meat Eaters: Don’t be accessary to abuse and murder of soulful beings; Go vegetarian
This may accompany a real photograph of checkens packed in small cages. Somewhat heavy-handed but it may provoke mindful introspection in some carnivores and delight vegetarians
September 26th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Beware: Meat eating causes pain
Goes well with a portrayal of a sheep or a cow before a guillotine
September 26th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Warning to good people: “Only vegetarians can put “I tried not to cause suffering” on the tombstone
September 26th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Beware: Do you wish the Almighty’s mercy on the Judgment Day? Have mercy on animals, go vegetarian
I think this somewhat heavy-handed statement would look pretty attractive when place under a Michael Angeloesque drawing of “god” with long white beard holding an animal protectively
September 26th, 2008 at 8:24 am
The word “the” really is “their.”
September 26th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Wow, you’re making me hungry and horny at the same time.
j/k, please don’t hold this joke against me forever. Though insensitive at the moment, I’m totally kidding.
September 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I’m not a vegetarian or anything, but this is really good. A poster like this could probably really help your cause.
September 26th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
…until people remember that God condoned the eating of animals in the Bible.
The argument kind of falls apart when you think about it: when appealing to people who are worried about salvation, you have to assume they’d know where God actually stands on issues like this.
September 26th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
If you are referring to Genesis, there is a lot of controversy over whether “God” ever condoned the eating of animals. He did give humans “dominion,” but why does that automatically translate to eating of them? Maybe it means taking really good care of them and letting them live.
Plus, a bunch of humans wrote the Bible anyway.
September 26th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Ella Minnow Pea,
I challenge you to find a passage in the Bible directly condoning meat eating. Remember that at the beginning after his Creation, god ordered Adam to eat only of the fruit and vegetation. Any reference to consumption of animals by Adam and his descendents came after he sinned and was thrown out of the Heaven. Even if god did allow him to kill and eat animals, we may logically infer that it was an act befitting of a sinnful and discgraced creature.
With all the above said, I do not at all intend to condemn meat eaters for the grave pains and suffering they cause. Perhaps pain and suffering are inherent in the course of survival and it is our consciousness of it that renders it unacceple to some of us.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
just to clarify, a TPV can only begin to open, they can not fully open in our solar system; something about the presence of humans.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I was ready to enter your famed contest, but alas, no “match” found to my “enter contest” click.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
“you’re” and “fully” ftw
September 26th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
protein ftw.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Warning: Free time leads to Mental Magma.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Danger: Life ahead. And it’s not fair.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Warning: Threesomes involving your significant other only look good on paper.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Strange, I just clicked it and it worked. Anyone else have any trouble when you click that?
September 26th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
have I entered the contest correctly?
September 26th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I’d say you have. In fact, I really like #131.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
thanks. send me the $.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Uncomfortable looks the “next morning” and general distrust likely to follow.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Thank you Barnaby Hayes. You said what my comments tried to convey but much more eloquently.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Yes, a poster would be awesome… and a shirt… and a cup… and… and you’d better merch this!
September 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Nietsche Pascal,
Leviticus. It’s my least favorite book of the Bible, but there’s all the clean/unclean meat stuff as well as the rules when it comes to animal sacrifices – which God required throughout the Old Testament and only stopped requiring when Jesus became the last sacrifice and did away with the need for any more religious animal sacrifices. If you want to be literal about the book of Genesis, consider the fact that God killed the first two animals himself in order to make clothes for Adam and Eve. (I’m pretty sure God isn’t a sinful and disgraced creature.) You might also want to check out Acts 10 and Peter’s vision wherein God directly tells him to kill and eat the animals in the basket and is then offended when Peter refuses. Admittedly, this is most often interpreted as a metaphor about racism, but if you’re literal about Genesis then you might be literal about Acts.
Nothing in the Bible supports the idea that God will only have mercy on you if you’re a vegetarian, which is why I think the design you submitted cancels itself logically – it would seem to appeal to those concerned about God’s mercy, but those are the people who will know already that mercy from God has nothing to do with whether or not you eat meat. On the other hand, the Bible heavily supports having respect for all of God’s creations, so the design makes sense if you take off the last two words.
As it is, you’re definitely condemning meat eaters, though. No mercy unless you stop? The pit of hell and fiery damnation unless you go veggie? That would be the definition of condemnation. But since you don’t consider yourself sinful and disgraced like the rest of us, then I don’t mind your casting the first stone. :)
September 26th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I think what Nietsche was trying to say is that we want mercy and we’re going to be blessed with it, so we should pay it forward to animals and show them mercy. I don’t think she (for some reason I think Nietsche is a woman/girl, forgive me if I’m wrong) meant we’re going to hell if we don’t. I agree with you that God condones the eating of animals. I just thought her idea, though flawed from my own perspective about God, was pretty clever and would make people sympathetic for her cause (not that I support it).
Nietshe, I probably would have been kind of mad that you posted so many entries trying to persuade me to give up meat, but I understand that you’re just trying to do what you think is right. Just don’t overdo it.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Ha ha, great.
September 26th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I do believe I’ve heard of you, now that you mention it. Tell me, have you finished your book, “A Prosaic Journey Through the Quantum Philosophies of the Verdant-Chested Barnisaurus”?
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肌の新陳代謝が健康的に繰り返されると、肌が生まれ変わっていきますので、ほぼ確実にキレイな肌になることでしょう。ターンオーバーのサイクルが崩れると、みっともないシミが生じる原因となります。
シミの目立つ肌を美白ケアしたいなら、紫外線ケアも徹底すべきです。室内にいる場合も、窓の付近であれば紫外線の余波を受けるのです。日焼け止め用のコスメなどを塗布してケアを心がけましょう。
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クレーター肌に悩まされていませんか？
「化粧で隠さないと生きていけない、にきび痕が酷すぎてマスクがかかせない」
「そのままで外に出れない」
「毎日鏡で自分の顔を見る度に酷く落ち込む」
「そんな自分の顔を見るのが不愉快なのについつい気になって鏡で確認してしまう」
本当に酷いクレーター肌に貴方の為に開発されたのがこの薬用アクレケアです。
使用方法は簡単で洗顔後にきび痕が気になる患部につけるだけ。
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このアクレケアを使う事で肌の劣弱意識から解放されて、本来の明るい自分を取り戻しましょう。
薬用アクレケアに含まれている成分をご紹介します。
月下香エッセンスの保湿力はヒアルロン酸の10倍
南米で取れるカムカムはビタミンCの含有量が世界一
注目の新美肌成分である卵殻膜は赤ちゃんの肌に多く含まれる3型コラーゲンに関係する成分
この素晴らしい成分が大量に入った薬用アクレケアであなたもすべすべを手に入れませんか？
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