Sep 29 2008

Contest #14: Mad Scientist Aptitude Test (MSAT)

Category: Uncategorized @ 2:52 am

Mental Magma recently spotted a business opportunity involving mad scientists. Despite playing an important role in society, they receive little government assistance. Just try asking the NIH for funding on corpse reanimation experiments.  We’re considering opening a mad scientist school, but traditional school tests don’t adequately measure capacity for evil sciencery. That’s where we (and you) step in.

Your challenge this week is to write a question & multiple-choice answers for a Mad Scientist Aptitude Test (MSAT). Your question can be about anything you think is appropriate; example areas include: dealing with rioting townsfolk, henchmen issues, and, of course, the evil laugh. Leave your question (with at least 3 multiple-choice answers) in the Contest Entries section.

We’re happy to announce a change in the entry-rating this week. We decided to implement the double-thumps up idea. Now, if you really like an entry, you can show your support by adding +2 to its score. This will allow our users to more effectively express their preferences.

Other than the double-thumbs change, standard contest timeline and contest rules apply. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate.

Contest Summary
Assignment: Write a question and the multiple-choice answers for a Mad Scientist Aptitude Test.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, October 3rd at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate.

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what’s going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?


160 Responses to “Contest #14: Mad Scientist Aptitude Test (MSAT)”

  1. Alex Says:
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    It’s made out of

    A. Meat
    B. People
    C. Lichen

  2. Alex Says:
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    P.S., I stumbled upon this the other day (might be of interest here): http://members.tripod.com/~mrpuzuzu/plan.html

  3. Agent Mammal Says:
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    What is?

  4. Shirin Says:
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    A superhero comes to interfere with your nefarious plans. Which of the following chemicals is the best substance to throw at him/her?

    a. Acetic acid
    b. Isopropyl alcohol
    c. Boric acid
    d. Insanely bright green gloo acid that immobilizes your archenemy but doesn’t kill him/her

  5. Shirin Says:
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    Your local evil warlord has given you the task of creating the ultimately vicious minion-army for him. Which of the following minions is the most potent and dangerous?
    a. a cheetah with a t-rex head
    b. a giant perigrine falcon with the head of a nile crocodile
    c. a teddy bear hamster with jaguar claw
    d. a kitten with the poison glands of black widows

    (see contest #7 for the answer)

  6. greg Says:
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    Which of the following is NOT a response befitting a mad scientist?

    A. “Toss me a frickin’ bone, here.”
    B. [insane laughter]
    C. “You will pay dearly for that.”
    D. [the meaningful look/glance/gesture]
    E. A & B only
    F. C & D only
    G. none of the above
    H. A, B, C, & D
    I. OTHER:_____________________________________

    *Question designed by a mad scientist.

  7. Alex Says:
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    Torturing someone to gain information is

    A. Unethical
    B. Indispensable
    C. Antiquated (the modern inquisitor merely removes the brain of their subject, downloads its thought patterns, then uses Google to find what [s]he needs before incinerating the body’s remains)

  8. R.E.D. Says:
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    The answer to this question is:

    A- True
    B- False
    C- Octopus socks

  9. R.E.D. Says:
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    If you were in the middle of an experiment and lost power, you could create enough power to finish by using:

    A. The energy produced by the molecular structure differential between the pus in that pimple that’s been growing on your face for two weeks and your cat, Igor.
    B. The temperature differential between cottage cheese (which is going to spoil anyway without power) and your cat, Igor.
    C. Two pumpkins and a fish…
    D. …and your cat, Igor.
    E. All of the above
    F. Just answers C and D.
    G. Just your cat, Igor, and some matches.

  10. R.E.D. Says:
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    You have just finished removing the last body part you need, and are about to start building your monster, when the Avon Lady rings your doorbell. What do you do:

    A. Yell through the door and tell her that you just want to repeat your last order.
    B. Muffle the screams of your victim and pretend you’re not home.
    C. Invite her in and have her do a color evaluation on all the body parts to see if your monster is going to be a “spring”, “summer”, or “autumn”.

  11. R.E.D. Says:
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    As you are picking up the heart to insert into your monster, it slips from your hands and falls to the floor. Do you:

    A. Yell, scream, and curse because that is the only heart you have.
    B. Look at your cat and wonder if his heart would work.
    C. Pick the heart up off the floor and use it anyway, the “five-second rule” is in effect.

  12. R.E.D. Says:
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    After activating your monster, he looks at you and calls you, “Daddy”. What do you do:

    A. Breathe a sigh of relief because you know you installed the vocal cords correctly.
    B. Praise your monster for learning how to speak so quickly.
    C. Smile, you now have 23 dependents to claim on your Income Tax!
    D. Destroy him! There ain’t no way you’re gonna write 23 child support checks a month!!

  13. R.E.D. Says:
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    Do you have a cat?:

    A. Yes
    B. No
    C. I will as soon as I’ve finished sewing him together.

  14. R.E.D. Says:
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    Several Trick-Or-Treaters have been brave enough to come to your spooky mansion and ask for candy. Do you:

    A. Give them candy.
    B. Take all their candy and scare the crap out of them.
    C. Get a bigger freezer.

  15. Mach3 Says:
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    Canine is to ‘Best in Show’ as Assistant is to ???

    or in SAT format…

    Canine : Best in Show :: Assistant : ???

    A) Disgruntled Hunchbacked Social Reject
    B) Genetically Modified Super Intelligent Evil Monkey
    C) Morally Dubious Bunny Cyborg Hybrid with a Top Hat and Monocle
    D) All of the above combined together via Evil Genome Splicing and Tesla Coils during a full moon.

  16. Mach3 Says:
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    I was going to add “and a lightning storm” to the end of the “D)” option, but it seemed just a little too verbose. Maybe “during a full-mooned lightning storm” ?

  17. R.E.D. Says:
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    Sawing off the legs, arms, and head, then cutting out the internal organs is:

    A. Disgusting!
    B. Messy but necessary.
    C. What I did last night while watching WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

  18. Mach3 Says:
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    One train leaves Cleveland at 9:30 AM toward Detroit at a speed of 70 MPH. Another train of the same speed leaves Detroit, bound for Cleveland at 10:15 AM. Assuming there are no stops between them, the speed is constant, and the distance between the cities is 95 miles, how many minutes after the second train departs will they pass each other? Please round answer to two significant figures.

    A) 21.2 minutes
    B) 21 minutes
    C) Such questions are trivial to geniuses of your magnitude
    D) 21 minutes, but it dos not matter because due to your evil scheming they will collide and before the authorities arrive you will have taken the majority of left over body parts to create your zombie army.

  19. Alex Says:
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    An excellent query…one must be prepared for these occasions, truly…helps to have a cat at one’s disposal.

  20. Alex Says:
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    You capture a masochist. You take him to your lair and:

    A. Lash papercuts on every inch of his body and thrust him into a pool of lemon juice!
    B. Furnish him with a full-body tattoo of a design resembling Hello Kitty wallpaper.
    C. Tie him to a chair in a room visibly full of scalpels, chainsaws, nail-pulling pliers and other implements of pain, but never actually harm him.

  21. Soleil Says:
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    Your enemies are:

    A) Law-abiding citizens
    B) Too numerous to count
    C) Anyone in hearing distance of your lair
    D) Dead

  22. Soleil Says:
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    Also, Soleil recommends:

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog

  23. The Azure Spark Says:
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    When confronting an army alone save for your Secret Weapon, what is the best form that the aforementioned weapon should take?

    A. A Death Ray that can be swept across the battlefield with a flick of the wrist
    B. A Lightning Redirector for a surgical strike against their leadership, striking fear into the survivors and forcing their surrender
    C. A Swarm of Mechanized Bladed Ornithopters to flay the meat from their bones while screaming “Death from above!”
    D. A Cerebral Compressor to suppress their brainwaves and make them YOUR army of fearless warriors
    E. A tactical nuclear warhead, to be activated without ever making a direct appearance on the battlefield

  24. Alex Says:
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    Your scientific methods are inspired by:

    A. Francis Bacon
    B. France’s Bacon
    C. Bacon

  25. Brendan Says:
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    The following is always true of a laboratory:

    -Monsters cannot be left alone in the lab with Henchmen
    -Henchmen are only in the lab if the Mad Scientist is there
    -Lightning Storms occur only when Monsters and Mad Scientists are in the lab
    -Villagers cannot storm into the lab unless a Lighting Storm occurs
    -Henchmen sometimes smell bad

    Can a Henchman ever defend the lab all by himself while Villagers are storming it with torches?

    A.) Yes
    B.) No
    C.) I am now crazy

  26. Soleil Says:
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    The police nab your henchmen and halt your nefarious plans. This means:

    A) War
    B) Heads are gonna roll
    C) Purge them with fire
    D) THE COMMISSIONER DIES TONIGHT

  27. Alex Says:
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    Your approach to forming a hypothesis could best be described as

    A. Postulating
    B. Postmodern
    C. Postmortem
    D. Apostate

  28. Alex Says:
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    Your methods are

    A. Baconian
    B. Laconian
    C. Draconian

    (this is too much fun when you’re sleep-deprived)

  29. greg Says:
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    He who laughs last
    A. laughs longest.
    B. laughs alone.
    C. laughs loudest.
    D. must still laugh like this: “Mmmmwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
    E. laughs best.

  30. Mach3 Says:
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    Which of the following is needed MOST in order to resurrect the dead?

    A) Full moon
    B) Thunder and lightning
    C) Chanting the script from the latest episode of ‘Gossip Girl’
    D) Tesla coils
    E) Bubbling erlenmeyer flasks

    Note: The answer may surprise those who are not 100% evil, mad and/or deranged

  31. Zabo Says:
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    As a Mad Scientist, which of the following is LEAST important?

    A. Witty repartee
    B. A secluded lair
    C. A quality assistant
    D. A nifty outfit
    E. Disfigurement or other reason to resent society
    F. Excessively convoluted plans
    G. An arch-nemesis
    H. Evil-sounding voice or laugh

  32. Zabo Says:
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    based on the possible responses, my only guess is Soylent Green

  33. Zabo Says:
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    When confronted with a problem, (of the pesky human variety) do you:

    A. Have your henchman deal with it.
    B. Use one of the traps set up in your lair.
    C. Unleash your latest creation on him (be it weapon, robot, or monster).
    D. Any of the above then use it for food/fertilizer for your genetically modified pets/plants.

  34. Zabo Says:
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    Can’t be the last one, not even DOOM music makes burning cats cool.

  35. IngShoe Says:
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    Choose the best subject(s) for experimentation:

    A) a Ninja from the I-Ho clan remove and distill his abilities into solution for oral administration or I.V. infusion
    B) Santa Claus remove his brain to find out how he manages to fly to every single house on Christmas Eve in the span of about 7 hours, then install this knowledge into the Air Traffic Control System Command Center
    C) Jenna Jameson remove her G-spot to keep for yourself
    D) Andy Rooney steal the stories out his brain and put them into the drinking water so everyone on the planet falls asleep so you can take over the world
    E) answers A and D

  36. Jakutz Says:
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    The people on the planet are made entirely out of meat, aren’t they? That’s disgusting!

  37. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    +2 for making an analogy question

  38. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    Which of following injuries is NOT covered by the Mad Scientist Union medical insurance (Evil Cross, Evil Shield)?

    A – Bites and lacerations from angry mobs

    B – Chemical burns resulting from hunchback-based negligence

    C – Eye injuries that could have been avoided by wearing the Mad Scientist Union-issued goggles

    D – Anything involving turning your hands into lobster claws

  39. nmrboy Says:
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    The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can’t, not without your help, but you’re not helping. Why?

    a) (no answer)
    b) (no answer)
    c) kill harrison ford

  40. R.E.D. Says:
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    Then you need the slightly more expensive fire retardent cat.

  41. R.E.D. Says:
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    B.& C.?

  42. fooly cooly Says:
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    When performing unnecessary brain surgery on yourself, it is most important to:

    a) Avoid the memory centers
    b) Sterilize the surgery tools
    c) Strap yourself down in case of accidental muscle stimulation
    d) Avoid the memory centers

  43. R.E.D. Says:
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    Your favorite team fumbles the ball on their own 20. The ball is recovered by the other team and ran 80 yards for a touchdown! What do you do?:

    A. Yell at the T.V. like a million other people are doing.
    B. Get another beer and a snack; It’s only a game.
    C. Activate your Super-Mega-TurboCharged-MachIV-EarthDisintegrating-(WARNING: Use of this device may be hazardous to your health)-One-Of-A-Kind-(No, you can’t get one in blue)-Machine and destroy everything.(You know you want to.)

  44. R.E.D. Says:
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    Evil Cross-Evil Shield? I think I have my insurance through them…
    +2

  45. Jakutz Says:
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    ha ha nice.

  46. Kimberly Says:
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    If your attempt at formulating world domination fails, you

    A). Immediately board the indefinite-range interstellar cruiser
    B). Deactivate the biological bacteria genome module
    C). Unleash the vampire spiders from the forgotten dimension of doom
    D). Go with plan B

  47. Jakutz Says:
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    You have finally killed your super hero nemesis and his body is crumpled at your feet. Do you:

    A. Reanimate him as your undead servant to fight the very things for which he stood during his life.
    B. If you are reading this, you did not choose answer A immediately, and you have failed this examination.
    C. Maybe you should try fighting for truth and justice because you’ll never make it here.

  48. Jakutz Says:
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    What is a mustache?

    a) A nice car with a horse logo
    b) The hair growing on a man’s upper lip
    c) A town that you must burn to ashes for defying your evil will

  49. gig Says:
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    You’re scaring me here…..

  50. gig Says:
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    Don’t we all.

  51. Shirin Says:
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    Just put the cottage cheese at the front of a treadmill and get Igor to run on it to get to the cheese. Igor will be happy AND you’ll generate energy! :) (No matches near your cat, please!)

  52. Shirin Says:
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    Do you have a cat sitting on your lap as you write these questions? :)

  53. Shirin Says:
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    Bravo on the logic question…I definitely pick C!

  54. Shirin Says:
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    Gosh, they’re all SO important, especially D.

  55. Shirin Says:
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    Poor turtle…

  56. Jakutz Says:
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    All of the world’s mad scientists have just finished off the last super heroes. Now what do you do?

    a) Rule the world with the other mad scientists. Combining forces will quicken the spread of evil and mayhem.

    b) Destroy the world as originally planned.

    c) Kill all of the other mad scientists and claim the world as your own.

    d) option (a) until the world is conquered, followed by (c) until you get lonely, then (b).

  57. ghunter499 Says:
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    Which particular field of “Mad Science” would most benefit the person seeking revenge on Spiderman?

    A. Annoyed Astronomy

    B. Bothered Botany

    C. Irritated Entymology

    D. Pissed-off Petrology

  58. ghunter499 Says:
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    Brilliant! Can we have more thumbs?

  59. ghunter499 Says:
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    A & C

  60. ghunter499 Says:
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    which is an example of science gone mad?

    A. Evolution trying to explain that my mental capacity is sufficient to overcome speed, power, and sharp teeth.

    B. Switching the Force from being a quasi-mystical energy that is referred to as an outdated religion to being a simple and welcome infestation of symbiotic parasites.

    C. The search for a “God Particle” in physics.

    D. Colliding sub-atomic particles with no real idea of what might occur.

    E. Hiroshima & Nagasaki

    F. All of the above.

  61. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    It is very clear to me, after reading the above entries, that I am unable to contribute to this contest. Having lived between a smelly sneaker and a pair of flip flops most of my life, I have NO IDEA what goes on in a mad scientist’s life. Rule the world? Kill superheroes? Self surgery? Henchman? Villagers and lightening storms? I need to get out more.

  62. Gabriel Says:
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    You bring up an interesting point we’ve discussed recently at MM. I don’t think it’s going to be possible for all of our users to enter all of our contests, and I think that’s okay. We try to lean towards the side of contest accessibility, but we want to be able to host contests with esoteric subject matter.

    For instance, we may host a contest involving MMORPGs. Many people (let’s call them non-gamers) will not even be familiar with the acronym. Our hope is that most people will enjoy the contest entries even if the contest material is unfamiliar to them.

  63. Gabriel Says:
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    How about a Mega +10 Thumb that can only be used once per year? Or how about The Equalizer Thumb; it raises the vote total to +1 above the current highest rated entry.

  64. nmrboy Says:
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    made me think of this cartoon.

    n.

  65. Gabriel Says:
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    I watched some of the first episode. It started out a little slow but got much better. I love the freeze-ray song.

  66. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    I agree…nice! :)

  67. R.E.D. Says:
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    Darn! I’ve already bought the marshmallows…

  68. R.E.D. Says:
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    Her name is Celeste Bearett she’s 13. I saved her from an animal shelter. They named her Celeste(I don’t know why.), I added the Bearett so I could call her Bear.

  69. R.E.D. Says:
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    By the way, Bear says, “Hi, Shirin.”

  70. R.E.D. Says:
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    It’s not poor. It’s a stunt-turtle and they get paid the big bucks.

  71. R.E.D. Says:
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    What was the question again?

  72. R.E.D. Says:
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    Wouldn’t B and C be better? You could have a cold one before you go…

  73. R.E.D. Says:
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    I think the answer is G.

  74. R.E.D. Says:
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    Bunny Slippers, may I help?

    If you needed to anesthetize your victim before cutting off the parts you need (The last time neighbors complained about the screams.), and you had NO anesthetic of ANY kind, what would be your next best choice?:

    A. I have NO IDEA
    B. A pair of flip flops
    C. Bunny Slippers’ smelly sneaker

  75. R.E.D. Says:
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    If a genetically modified rooster laid an egg on the apex of a steeply pitched roof, how many apples would you have if the smoke from an electric train weighed more than the sound of one hand clapping?:

    A. Yellow
    B. The square root of banana puding multiplied by a hypothetical number between 2 and 33.
    C. Cherry 7 up would taste like a rose smells.
    D. The amount of dirt in a 4 cubic foot hole.

  76. R.E.D. Says:
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    That should be “pudding”, sorry.

  77. R.E.D. Says:
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    How can you make a STUPID mad scientist spend so much time on one MSAT question that he can’t finish all the other questions?:

    A. answers B & D
    B. answers D & C
    C. answers A & B
    D. answers C & A
    Explain your answer:_____________________________________________________

  78. R.E.D. Says:
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    I don’t want to seem gready but this one is so good, can you come up with another one?

  79. R.E.D. Says:
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    We have a lot of smart people on this site, surely SOMEBODY can invent a formula that induces thumb growth!

  80. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    To most effectively disable your archenemy, Richard Plums, with which of the
    following would you replace the urinal cakes?

    A. Talcum powder
    B. Pure sodium
    C. Ammonia
    D. Peppermint

  81. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    Intelligent Design: Science as Carbon Fiber Nantoubes: _____

    A. Diamond
    B. Strength
    C. Cotton Candy
    D. Complexity

  82. Ian Randal Strock Says:
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    D. Wonder what the hell a baseball team is doing fumbling the ball on the 20.

  83. Jakutz Says:
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    wouldn’t you just use a pair of bunny slippers?

  84. R.E.D. Says:
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    During this economic crisis the baseball players need a second job so they don’t have to sell their balls.

  85. Eldaglass Says:
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    Other “people” are

    A. Cat food
    B. Spies for my arch-nemisis
    C. Fools! I will crush them all!
    D. 7.896
    E. Walking hardware stores–goody!

  86. Eldaglass Says:
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    It scares me that someone’s thought about this…

  87. Alex Says:
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    This one is honestly more of an SAT question (Sadist Aptitude Test).

  88. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    What, and pink fluff them into unconsciousness?

  89. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Thanks R.E.D. …umm… that helped a lot.

    :-)

  90. Alex Says:
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    [For Mad Science Ph.D. Candidates] In which of the following mad scientific journals has your work been published?

    A. Naughty by Nature
    B. International Journal of Diabolical Studies
    C. Misanthropic Science
    D. Sociopathologica
    E. The one assembled by loyal slaves in my compound
    F. Down with theory! I am a being of action and my WILL shall manifest the truth of the universe!

  91. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    MMORRGs? Eeek, I’d better enter this contest.

    :-)

  92. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Ok, so, you want to be a mad scientist. Apparently you will be doing evil things. Why?

    A. My mom never loved me
    B. She used to make me wear bunny slippers
    C. She said my sneakers stunk
    D. She would never buy me any MMORPGs
    E. She never let me be a henchman for Halloween

  93. Shawna Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Your favorite tool to use in the lab is:
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    e) tweezers

  94. greg Says:
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    FIRST QUESTION ON MSAT:

    As a rule, evil scientists are mavericks who do not respond to standardized evaluation efforts. Therefore, you should

    A. complete this aptitude battery quietly.

    B. excuse yourself to the restroom, sneak out to your car, and leave.

    C. threaten to destroy the test, the proctors, and the facility, but fail to do so before a hero arrives because of your long-winded explication.

    D. annihilate the test center as you pull away in your transport of choice.

  95. greg Says:
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    SECOND QUESTION ON MSAT:

    If you are still sitting there, you have failed. What should you do next?

    A. Skip this question.

    B. Complete your answer to the previous question.

    C. Are you STILL HERE?

    D.

  96. Jakutz Says:
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    lol

  97. R.E.D. Says:
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    Great job! +2

  98. R.E.D. Says:
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    D. All the above

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    Yay Dr. Horrible! Joss Whedon is just fabulous, isn’t he? :)

  100. Lalaith Says:
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    I choose E. Who needs reasons? ;)

  101. Mach3 Says:
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    in case anyone was wondering, “dos” is actually the super evil/mad way to spell “does”

  102. Bunny Slippers Says:
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    Thanks for the thumbs and the encouragement! Hmmm.. who’s body did you saw those thumbs off of….?

  103. Shirin Says:
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    Hello Bear. You have inspired many a MSAT question, it seems! :)

  104. Shirin Says:
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    Oh good; as long as there is compensation for his hard work, I’m happy.

  105. Shirin Says:
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    Ha ha. I love it!

  106. Shirin Says:
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    This is my favorite question of all…it reminds me of when I was in Physics Honors. I could probably answer this question better than some of those darn physics problems.

  107. Shirin Says:
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    Apparently, you didn’t look up those MMORPGs after all, did you.

  108. Lalaith Says:
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    I don’t know about that… you do have to pay for some of them, after all :)

  109. R.E.D. Says:
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    SORRY LADIES!

    E. Explain to him, “Honey, I’m your mommy not your daddy. Your dads are either in the freezer or buried in the back yard.”

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