Oct 13 2008

Contest #16: Bank Error In Your Favor

Category: Uncategorized @ 12:44 am

I’m sure I’ll have a hard time convincing you, but sometimes governments make mistakes. Let’s imagine a world in which the US government makes a huge mistake. Let’s say they misunderestimate the severity of governmental personnel issues and somehow cut YOU the check for $700 billion that’s intended for the bailout. Of course, you head down to your local bank to cash that bad boy.

The contest this week is to answer this question: What do you say to the banker when you present your endorsed 700 billion dollar check to him and he, ever so slightly, raises one suspicious eyebrow?

Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate.

Contest Summary
Assignment
: Answer the question: What do you say to a banker to avoid suspicion as you cash an ill-gotten 700 billion dollar check?
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, October 17th at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate

Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?

279 Responses to “Contest #16: Bank Error In Your Favor”

  1. Agent Mammal Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +12

    I invented peanut butter; they’re just now paying me.

  2. Jakutz Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    Cash it, bitch.

  3. Jakutz Says:
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    We’re assuming the banker is a canine, right? If not, my apologize.

  4. Jakutz Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +21

    I switched to Geico.

  5. fooly cooly Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    Palimony’s a bitch.

  6. etmoose Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Absolutely brilliant. Hopefully the gecko would be there with you as proof.

  7. Stevel Knievel Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    though i will not thumbs up your entry, i would have thumbsed up your comment on your entry, had it been possible!

    I love how you inoffensivized your post, and how I just invented that word and “thumbsed”.

  8. Stevel Knievel Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +10

    I found out McCain is an alien, and they’re paying me off to keep it a s-… oh shit.

  9. greg Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    AIG…parachute…sshhh…

  10. greg Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +11

    Yeah…big winner on some blog-thingy…mindlava, menial magnifier, metal magnet…I don’t know, but they must sell the HELL outta them tee-shirts…

  11. greg Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    It’s a gift. I was the DA in this year’s OJ trial.

  12. greg Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    You know that medicine that makes something bigger, but they never say what that something is? Well, this is my economic stimulus check on drugs. Who’d'a thunk, huh?


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    Says:
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    I assumed your teller is a drag queen, which makes it a term of endearment.

  14. Alex Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Sold some “nuclear secrets”. When the footage of the mushroom cloud made of whipped cream, confetti and “pow” flags hits the airwaves, I think we’ll all feel 700 billion dollars richer.

  15. Alex Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +14

    The gas station across the street is “cash only”.

  16. jbirdpowers Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    What?

  17. jbirdpowers Says:
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    Small bills please.

  18. Shirin Says:
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    I’m sure Jakutz could convince his reptilian friend that he would be well compensated if they pull off their deception.

  19. Barnaby Hayes Says:
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    I’m the National Double Dutching Champion this year. Google was our sponsor.

  20. Ms. Sanchez Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    I promise that I didn’t rob your competitors!!! No REALLY I didn’t. Would you believe me if I told you that it just mysteriously appeared on my front porch? Ah, that’s it a stork brought it by mistake. yea.

  21. Ian Randal Strock Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    Compound interest is a bitch, ain’t it?

  22. nmrboy Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +20

    The sultan of brunei’s left eye twitches when he’s bluffing.

  23. David Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +17

    I’m China, that’s right just me. I don’t know how that 1.1 billion people thing got started.

  24. David Says:
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    How many sacagawea coins do you have? I collect them.

  25. David Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +9

    What do you mean this account is over drawn 10 trillion dollars.

  26. Brendan Says:
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    Oh you think this is supposed to go the government?! No, no my friend. You see, I AM the government bailout!

  27. R.E.D. Says:
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    Let’s just say I know if G.W. wears boxers or briefs and leave it at that, O.K?

  28. R.E.D. Says:
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    If you start with a penny then double it every day, 1penny, 2pennies, 4pennies, 16pennies…350,000,000,000pennies, there you go.

  29. R.E.D. Says:
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    I know 350,000,000,000 pennies isn’t 700 billion dollars but I thought if I went too much further it would loose its funnyness.

  30. R.E.D. Says:
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    I sell stuff on E-Bay.

  31. Taylor Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    My grandma gave it to me for my birthday.

  32. R.E.D. Says:
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    I called my Aunt and told her she missed my birthday. She felt really guilty.

  33. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Did you know that 6867 pieces of candy corn will fit in a gallon jar?

  34. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Did you know you can find some really interesting stuff in the presidential candidate’s garbage?

  35. R.E.D. Says:
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    Sorry Taylor, you must have beat me out by 1/100th of a second or something. I would never intentionally duplicate the intent of another member’s answer. It says we both entered at 3:13pm

  36. R.E.D. Says:
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    P.S. (+2)

  37. Zabo Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    Turns out the government DOES have thousands of programs just waiting to give me money. Got that book off the TV. Really works.

  38. Zabo Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    See, I got this scientific prize thing, from some Swedish guy…anyway, they said my time machine deserved it, so I took their money and invested it. For a LONG time.

  39. Zabo Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    They told me I was crazy, that I was wasting my time armoring my house, building my collection system.

    Well guess what the weather guy said last week? “80% chance of scattered loose change storms”

    I showed them.

  40. Zabo Says:
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    It was a good year this year. See, I own this hotel on Park Place…

  41. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    4-8-15-16-23-24…i played those numbers and won the lottery. i saw what could happen and i wanted to change fate.and so here it is. you and i with my 7 billion dollars. the question is sir, what are you going to do with it?

  42. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    that last number should read 42…dang it!

  43. Ms. Sanchez Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +8

    I answered one of those emails… you know those ones where you’ve lost a long lost relative. one who needed to claim you as family otherwise they would have lost their millions of dollars.

  44. Taylor Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Great minds think alike.

  45. Taylor Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +14

    We have a muthaf***** swear jar at our house and the muthaf**** finally fu**** filled the fu** up.

  46. etmoose Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Finally got around to selling my old scrap-gold. Those GoldKit people are great!

  47. tiago Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +8

    My rich grandmother died… I feel that this check will somehow help overcome her…

    …death, I mean.

  48. fyrtygr Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    I write for Stephen King. You know they say you should always write about what you know, and I know Mr. King wouldn’t know a thing about all the blood and guts paranormal stuff. Really it is a quite interesting thing. I have tried to teach him so he can write his own books, but he really doesn’t have the stomach for it. Maybe we can talk about this over dinner… hmm? Where did he go?

  49. IngShoe Says:
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    Oh my gosh, do you not recognize me from the TV and newspaper? I won the biggest lottery ever!

  50. Jakutz Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +10

    I have a gun. Don’t be a hero.

  51. gig Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    You know that government bailout? I’ve been designated to buy the bucket.

  52. Alex Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +9

    I invested everything I had in the failure of the stock market.

  53. jupchu Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +17

    Thanks…OH MAN! Can I grab one of these lolipops?!

  54. jupchu Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +10

    HAHAHAH O HAHAHEHE HEH HO HAHAHAH HUMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm woo…[wiping a tear from eye] Sorry, I haven’t been able to stop the whole way here.

  55. Arkansas Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    I told George W. he would lose the next election unless he gave me the money. He signed the check, folded it, chuckled out the side of his mouth, and handed it to me all “secret-like” in a handshake. We were the only two people in the room.

  56. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +12

    8 quarters, 3 singles, 3 fives, 2 tens, 34,999,999,993 twenties, and a Benjamin, please.
    And do you have any envelopes?

  57. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    Umm. . . No thanks. I’m satisfied with my current credit card.

    Reward points? Well in that case. . .

  58. Arkansas Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +16

    I am the head of the Freemasons. You should have seen this coming. Have you ever really looked at the dollar bill? I mean, its not like we were hiding it.

  59. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    You doing anything after work? (Smug, creepy, smarmy smile and a wink.)

  60. jupchu Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +11

    “Oh Sorry, I didn’t even think about this…I’d better come inside… This will take forever if we use this tube thing”

  61. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Settlement for burns caused by molten hot ideas.

  62. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    So you’re getting about three gallons with that check, right?

  63. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    And luckily didn’t become an American writer in the meantime.

  64. Arkansas Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +12

    Can I get some singles? I’m heading to the strip club. To buy it. Yes, with singles.

  65. Shirbeth Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    I just followed the rainbow…

  66. Shirbeth Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    I knocked down some kids and stole their money. You’d be amazed at how expensive school lunches are these days…

  67. snoconegirl Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    can i have that in $2 bills, i just love those $2 bills…

  68. RobertB Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    That Obama guy sent me to this “underground” guy. Well… can I get a biodegradable receipt… you know, because I need to prove this never happened.

  69. Jameson Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    “…where’s your ATM?”

  70. Iaoai Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +10

    You know when someone says, “If I had a nickel every time something happens”? I’m the guy who gives them the nickels.

  71. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    +1 for the entry, but for some reason I wish you had ended with, “…I’m the nickleman.”

  72. Jakutz Says:
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    ha ha, that would have been great.

  73. Iaoai Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    What?! I’m the toothfairy and hockey is getting started!

  74. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    It’s not,”phony”. I was very sincere when I counterfitted it.

  75. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    Hurry up! There’s only 59 more days till Christmas!!

  76. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Buy low sell high.

  77. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    My first wish is outside in my Lamborghini.

  78. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

  79. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    I have to get this into my account quick! The Columbia House DVD Club doesn’t CARE why you don’t send those, “refuse this months selection” cards back!

  80. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    No kidding, my name really is Emergency Economic Stabilization Bailout. It’s a hand-me-down name from my father’s side.

  81. Misha G Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +11

    Angelina and I are adopting more Ethiopian babies….All of them actually.

  82. Jakutz Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Nice one.

  83. Katie Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +8

    Well, sir, allow me to spin a little yarn concerning superstring theory and how it relates to time travel…

  84. Katie Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    I’d like to take out a mortgage. I’m interested in the property labeled “Earth.”

  85. Billard Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +8

    JG Wentworth say’s it’s my money, AND I NEED IT NOW!!!

  86. David Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +6

    The government sent me this by mistake. If you cash it and don’t say anything I will give you $5. CASH!

  87. myrealname? Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    I am America. And so can you, if you keep your mouth shut.

  88. myrealname? Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    I sold my soul. Can I have yours?

  89. IngShoe Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    This one is awesome. You should enter it so we can vote for it.

  90. David Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    Yeah; with a check like this I look a lot less fat and bold don’t I.

  91. jupchu Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    “O hey, while I’m in here I was wondering if could fill out an application…Yeah just got laid off, tough times you know how it is.”

  92. dana Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    That could so happen.

  93. Bunny Slippers Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    Hi, yes, I’m sure you’re wondering about this check. Well, I’m the long-lost heiress of the Howard Hughes fortune; it’s been accumulating interest all these years. I can’t believe it either!!!

  94. coltrane53 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    RACIST! This is because I’m a black man, right?

  95. coltrane53 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    I wrote the musical “RENT”, perhaps you’ve heard of it?

  96. jbirdpowers Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    Did you hear about the new lottery? The one where the bank teller won $50 billion dollars for keeping his mouth shut.

  97. jbirdpowers Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    I would like 2800 billion quarters. I have to beat Pac-Man.

  98. jbirdpowers Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Can you count that out for me?

  99. David Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    Do you have another exit? That Ron Paul guy over there. has been following me and creeping me out all day.

  100. coltrane53 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    If you think that check’s big, wait’ll you see my gun!

  101. Monklin Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    THEY KNOW NOTHING! >_> *Intense stare.*

  102. coltrane53 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    I’d pay the 7 billion just to stop receiving those emails.

  103. Bubba Manly Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +1

    I’m really good at oral.

  104. Bubba Manly Says:
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    We’re assuming that “oral” is talking about it, right? If not, I apologize.

  105. Bubba Manly Says:
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    Parody is the sincerest form of flattery…I hope you’re laughing, Jakutz. I loved your entry #2!

  106. Jakutz Says:
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    “my apologies” or “I apologize”. Not a mixture of the two.
    I apologies for the mistake, it won’t happen again.

  107. Jakutz Says:
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    Thanks man. I am flattered. Although, for personal reasons I’m going to pretend the contest reads “…dollar check to [her] and [she], ever so slightly…”

  108. Billard Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    Have you seen the movie “Milk Money”…. well lets just say i have a lot of friends and my dad is Very lonely

  109. Alex Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +4

    I copy-edit the transcripts of tapped phone calls for Homeland Security. I get paid by the page.

  110. Ms. Sanchez Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    my email address was attached to lottery numbers. who knew, people in sweeden have my email address, and i can play the lottery.

  111. Billard Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    Picture this…olympic sized swimming pool, filled to the brim with gold coins, just like in Duck Tales only minus the ducks

  112. Billard Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Life is like a hurricane
    Here in Duckburg
    Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes
    It’s a duck-blur
    Might solve a mystery
    Or rewrite history
    DuckTales (oooh ooooh)

  113. Zabo Says:
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    Did you ever hear that theme song in Finnish? One line, I believe the “or rewrite history” line from the song sounds like they’re shouting “your arms are broken”

    you can hear it here: http://brokenarms.ytmnd.com/

  114. Ms. Sanchez Says:
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    I know right! though i think this one would have been funnier if i said, who know i had relatives in south africa or something like that. i always think of these things after i’ve entered them…curses! hehe


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    Says:
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    “I’m Santa.”

  116. Jakutz Says:
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    This is one of my favorites. “…All of them” lol.

  117. Jakutz Says:
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    Wow, it was unbelievable how much it sounded like that.

    Here’s a Duck Tales parody one of my roommates found last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wITs43kUds8

  118. rudolfs001 Says:
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    …I believe your kind call me God.

  119. rudolfs001 Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    Don’t taze me, bro!

  120. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    Thanks

  121. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    I sold a potatoe chip on E-Bay that looked like Dan Quayle.

  122. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    It was hidden under Donald Trump’s combover.

  123. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    You know that little bit of toothpaste you can never get out of the tube? I bought stock in that.

  124. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    I’m an author. Ever hear of Oprah’s Book Club?

  125. R.E.D. Says:
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    Ever hear the old saying, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”? Well, I found a way the cat likes.

  126. Iaoai Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +5

    Didn’t you ever wonder where that 9/10 of a cent on gas prices goes?

  127. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    sweet

  128. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    OK, I will. Thanks.

  129. Garrett Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +7

    “It’s a settlement for burns caused by molten hot ideas. Web thing.”

  130. R.E.D. Says:
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    They wouldn’t even give me sympathy votes on MentalMagma.com but they did send money.

  131. R.E.D. Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +3

    They finally put one of my entries on a Mental Magma t-shirt and they sold 700,000,000,000 shirts in the first month.

  132. R.E.D. Says:
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    :)

  133. Jakutz Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +0

    lol. That’s awesome! Perfect man.

  134. R.E.D. Says:
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    Come on guys/gals, Dan Quale=Potatoe? to+e, remember? 2votes? Well, I thought it was funny…

  135. K Dog Says:
     Add karma Add double karma  +2

    I am mail order bride to the Bill Gates man. I divorce him and get half. I luf America! You married?

  136. dana Says:
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    love it! too bad it came so late in the game.

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