Oct 15 2008

Game: Line-Item Veto (for movies/books)

Category: Uncategorized @ 9:01 pm

The goal of this game is identify an individual character from a movie or book whose absence would improve the audience/reader experience.  You get to play editor/producer and remove all references in the book/script to this character.  The Jar Jar example is uncreative, but I wanted to get it out of the way (although I did just download The Phantom Edit).

I’m hoping we can come up with interesting and unusual examples rather than just ranting.  Please post your line-item vetoes in the comments section of this post.

As a secondary question, what other areas do you wish you had line-item veto power over?

63 Responses to “Game: Line-Item Veto (for movies/books)”

  1. SomeGuyNamedDoug Says:
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    Sometimes I wish I had line-item veto at certain restaurants. You know, the kind that refuse to remove a single ingredient that ruins an otherwise wonderful entree.

  2. Zabo Says:
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    I veto the robot arms from Spiderman 2. Not Dr. Octopus, he’s a fine character, just no reason to give those damn arms a brain of their own and change his whole story. The whole event was close to plausible until they introduced the sentient arms thing.

  3. Zabo Says:
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    The line item veto is a tool for wading through bullshit, i.e. riders and package deals incorporated in legislative bills. As such, I would love a line item veto on pretty much every standardized form you have to fill out for bullshit that they don’t need to know.

    So now the online store I use doesn’t need my email address, they can give me someone to call if it doesn’t show up. Now, that form to get 3 days off in February for a trip to see your dying Aunt, not only do they not need to know what disease your Aunt has and have a copy of her death certificate, they don’t even need to know why the hell you want to go.

    Oh, and here’s the kicker: This would include a line item veto on my presidential ballot, to wade through the candidates’ bullshit. I want Ross Perot, but not his ears. Clinton, without the sex. Kennedy, without the death. (and maybe not the family either) Obama without the rhetoric. McCain, without the old and crazy…you get the idea.

  4. Alex Says:
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    I have a friend who would line-item veto the zither score in “The Third Man”; he can’t stand it. I’m not sure I agree in fact sometimes I think it’s beautiful but there are definitely parts where it’s awkward.

  5. Stevel Knievel Says:
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    I would discard Milo Ventimiglia’s character in the Gilmore Girls, and have Alexis Bledel all to myself. w00t!

  6. Billard Says:
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    I would remove “Short Round” Jonathan Ke Quan character from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom…he was the kid that yeld “Indy” a lot. Don’t get me wrong I liked him in the Goonies…but I think Indy would be more bad ass without him

  7. Trubbs Says:
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    So here’s the thing. You have Danny Glover, you have a shipload of predators. Danny Glover comes out on top, AND gets the predator nod. How old is he in that movie, like 50? If I were the director, I fire Danny Glover, better yet, have him die, then pay Arnold whatever he asks to come back. If Jesse Ventura didn’t get wasted in Predator, him too.

  8. Trubbs Says:
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    “You call him Docta Jones, DOLL!”

    No, you can’t get rid of that. ;)

  9. Gabriel Says:
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    I’m going to have to agree with Trubbs, I would sooner agree with vetoing everything else in the movie besides Short Round.

  10. dana Says:
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    Indy could not be more bad ass. MMMM! Indiana….

  11. dana Says:
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    I would remove the scientology from Tom Cruise, so I could enjoy at least on of his movies without thinking, “so cute, but he’s so stupid!”

  12. Zabo Says:
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    You know what I have to say about Billard for saying this?

    “He’s not nuts, he’s crazy!”

  13. Garrett Says:
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    I’m with you here, Alex. The zither score makes the film.

  14. Garrett Says:
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    Looks like somebody needs to hit the e-meter.

  15. dana Says:
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    I had to look it up, that is absolutely retarded. The crapola people will believe! Hilarious.

  16. nmrboy Says:
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    i choose to veto the two human characters, spike and daniel, from the original animated transformers film (1986). that film was severely held back from being the masterpiece it almost was; the humans clearly don’t belong there, ’nuff said.

  17. Taylor Says:
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    I would veto Carlos Mencia from any movie, tv show, or comedy special for the rest of eternity. He’s a joke-stealing assclown who thinks he’s edgy because he says un-P.C. things that hundreds of other comics have already pointed out. I want to find his agent and give him a swift kick to the skull.

  18. dana Says:
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    I totally agree. He’s not funny, and his show was so repetitive!

  19. Jakutz Says:
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    Spot on, guys.

  20. Garrett Says:
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    But wait, didn’t he say “Dididee” while striking a palsied pose? Groundbreaking, guys. Offensive and un-PC without being at all funny. It’s a whole new school of comedy.

  21. Garrett Says:
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    I’d veto one part of Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre: the words. Take away the words in that book and it becomes much, much better.

  22. Zabo Says:
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    And replace them with another copy of that awesome soundtrack, or even more voice actors as awesome as Nemoy and Wells. Damn, I love that movie.

  23. dana Says:
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    That would have made my grades in 12th grade English much higher. And, I wouldn’t have had to buy the cliffnotes! However, I would have aced the class if you veto the whole Bronte from writing.

  24. Garrett Says:
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    My Freshman year of HS, I got detention for saying, “Well, after reading the Brontes, I can see why people didn’t want to allow women to write,” when asked my opinion of the book by my English teacher.

    As she’s guilty of the same inane drivel as the Brontes, I love Mark Twain’s two great quotes about Jane Austen:
    “I consider any library to be a good one that contains no volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.”

    “It seems a shame she was allowed to die a natural death.”

  25. Garrett Says:
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    All of that said, I’m listening to a BBC dramatization of Wuthering Heights right now.

    Anyone else notice that the notice that pops up when comments are being submitted says, “comment is submiting, please wait a comment”?

  26. dana Says:
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    Although I would have agreed with you, as a female, I would have had to slap you for saying it like that!

  27. tim Says:
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    Out of the original Jurassic Park, I’d remove Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum’s Character(. He was good in The Lost World sequel, and he’s a fine actor, but there’s not a shot in hell, in my opinion, to consistently be that sarcastic faced with multiple near death experiences involving frightening dinosaurs.

  28. Garrett Says:
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    Yeah, the gist of the punishment was to impress upon my wayward young self that there was no humor in rude or sexist remarks. I still think just about anything said about the Brontes is in bounds as long as people are going to be required to wade through that tripe. That long,
    boring,
    meandering,
    pointless
    offal.

    The Brontes and Austen did a service to women not through their accomplishments, but by making plain just how dreary and empty the lives of upper class women must have been.

  29. Misha G Says:
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    Its too late, but I would Veto Nicolas Cage from every film with the exception of: Raising Arizona, Moonstruck and Peggy Sue Got Married, If I was appointed minister of entertainment I would have all of his other films buried in the desert and then I would shoot the people who buried them….Nice and clean

  30. Gabriel Says:
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    I share your distaste for Nicolas Cage, but can we leave him in Adaptation?

  31. Misha G Says:
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    I suppose…

  32. Jakutz Says:
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    Probably the only outstanding movie he’s been in.

  33. greg Says:
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    Can we veto his voice in Peggy Sue? He sounds like he’s always on the verge of throwing up. That may have been the point, but just when that movie gets really poignant, my gag reflex kicks in.

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