Oct 20 2008
Contest #17: Swords don’t kill people, witches & dragons kill people
One thing all historians of the middle ages agree on is that there was a scarcity of bumper stickers. Sure, a knight would occasionally slap one on his horse’s rump. However, if you had a clever quip you wanted everyone to know about, you probably just had to yell it in the town square.
The contest this week is to write a bumper sticker that would have been appropriate for the middle ages. Whether you want to choose a historically accurate view of the period or a more fantasy-novel view is up to you.
This contest may be a merch contest. We’re not really sure. Time-traveling-medieval-peasants aren’t exactly a huge market, but some of your entries may be so clever that we have to print them up for present-day folks. We’re leaving our options open.
Standard contest timeline and contest rules apply this week. By leaving an entry you are agreeing to those rules. The entry voted the favorite by MM users will earn its author a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate and a $15 Mental Magma Online Store gift certificate.
photo by flickr user declan anderson
Contest Summary
Assignment: Describe a bumper sticker that would be appropriate for the middle ages.
How to enter: Write your entry in the Contest Entries section.
Deadline: Friday, October 24th at 5pm EST
Prize: a $25 Amazon.com Gift Certificate AND a $15 Mental Magma Online Store gift certificate.
Announcement: This contest is closed. Feel free to continue to leave your answers here, but you'll be doing so strictly for our edification. Why don't you see what's going on in the forum or check out the latest update or contest?
October 20th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Although I mentioned in the Contest #16 Winner post that we would announce news for the photo contest, we decided to make that announcement in a separate post on Tuesday.
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October 20th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Make your horse neigh if you like plundering.
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October 20th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Definition of “bewitching moment”
To burn at the stake, is a heroic act of kindness.
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October 20th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Serfs up, dude!
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October 20th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Swords don’t kill people, Swordsmen do.
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October 20th, 2008 at 12:26 am
My other horse is a dragon.
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Stevel Knievel reply on October 20th, 2008 1:04 am:
not to jump the gun, but i think this is a winner
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:10 am
If you can see France from the cliffs of Dover,
you have the worldly experience necessary to be my Lady-in-Waiting.
(– scribe fee paid by Johnny McCain, young aspirant to the throne)
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on October 20th, 2008 12:18 pm:
I don’t get this one, but I can tell that it’s good, +2 :)
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fuzz on the concept reply on October 20th, 2008 2:04 pm:
I take it you’re not from Alaska. :)
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on October 20th, 2008 3:20 pm:
So obvious now, thank you.
October 20th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Witches burning at the steak…did somebody say steak?
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:59 am
Warning: I brake for mead!
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:00 am
Free Jerusalem
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 8:20 am:
how does this not have more votes? i don’t think people get it. it’s a play on Free Tibet
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 1:31 pm:
or free palestine, which is even more appropriate…some things never change
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:13 am
You Will Be Converted, Resistance is Feudal
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 3:09 pm:
Perhaps the first Star Trek/Middle Ages duo joke ever attempted.
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reply on October 20th, 2008 6:14 pm:
And successfully! 2 thumbs!
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:36 am
If you can read this, you’re a clergyman.
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 2:37 am:
playing off of “you’re too close”
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reply on October 20th, 2008 2:51 am:
brilliant
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 1:25 pm:
Nicely done.
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:40 am
friends don’t let friends ride bareback.
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:48 am
My kid jousted your honor student
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:51 am
Trebuchet Happens
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 8:21 am:
wonderful. again, i don’t think people are getting your entries
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 9:25 am:
Yeah, Trebuchet isn’t exactly the most well-known word, but it’s really clever! :)
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 1:33 pm:
Maybe I would be appreciated more if I posted on Mental Magma Mensa
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:56 am
Roll up your parchment transcriptions and ride!
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 2:57 am:
Playing off of “hang up your cell phone and drive”…
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 8:23 am:
never saw that bumper sticker…
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:00 am
My Parents went to Canterbury and all I got was this stupid bumper sticker.
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 9:25 am:
How can someone named Anonymous win any contests?
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Gabriel reply on October 20th, 2008 9:29 am:
It’s actually our well known and beloved Greg. There’s something going on with his log in that is making him show up as “Anonymous”. We’re trying to fix it.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him! Oh, wait…
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 9:08 pm:
Lol, monarchies. You gotta love ‘em.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:05 am
BE THOU OF A CAREFUL DEMEANOR
as this carriage be prone to make
the most unseemly wide right turns!
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:12 am
Support Our Crusading Knights.
(On a lttle yellow ribbon)
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 1:26 pm:
Better yet, on a little yellow garter.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Fear Not
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:38 am
Officer of His Majesty’s Customs and Excise.
This vehicle makes frequent, heavily armed stops.
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 1:27 pm:
That could be now.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:40 am
Jesus saves, but Urban II liberates.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:51 am
# 17 makes me think:
My parents went to London, and all I got was the Plague!
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Cry out if you love the Medicis.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:53 am
When it rains,…
you better hope your roof is well thatched.
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:17 am
My other horse is a stallion.
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October 20th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Keep Cornwall WEIRD
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I am the Dragonslayer.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:04 am
PAIGE DRIVER
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 9:06 am:
or STUDENT RIDER, whichever is funnier, but i’m not sure people would make the connection if it were both and said PAIGE RIDER. but maybe. squire rider also works.
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 9:06 am:
squire driver. whatever
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 9:28 am:
Isn’t it spelled page?
fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 9:52 am:
no
Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 2:38 pm:
So, I looked it up, and we are both right. “Paige” is the Old French word for the English “page,” and they both mean ‘young helper boy.’
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gig reply on October 23rd, 2008 12:30 pm:
And who could have possibly imagined that fooly cooly spoke Old French?
October 20th, 2008 at 9:04 am
He who plays with dragons gets burned.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:13 am
In case of rapture, this cart will be unmanned.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Proud member of the Hanseatic League.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I brake for kidnapped princesses.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:23 am
If you can read this, you are entirely too close to a horse’s ass.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:24 am
If you can read this, watch your step.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:31 am
They tried to drown me, but I floated.
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dana reply on October 20th, 2008 10:02 am:
I like your “trial by water” reference much more than mine!
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Join the crusades, see the world.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am
If you can read this, you already have the plague.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I support trial by water.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Heretics be damned.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Buy your charter, ask me how.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Support your local guilds.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:01 am
The moors are coming!
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I’d rather be fishing.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Ring around the rosies, pocket full of posies…
(ok, I promise, I’m done)
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am
My other horse is named Lamborghini
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Just say Nii!
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:10 am
I’m going through a mid life crisis in the middle ages…
and they haven’t invented sexy red sports cars yet!
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 3:46 pm:
Mid life crisis in the middle ages… so you’re like 20 then?
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Caution: I brake for damsels in a dress.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:14 am
My horse gets 100 miles to a bale of hay.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Crusades one billion dollars, Economy boost after crusades, 7 billion dollars, knowing that your country will recover…priceless.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Troll bridge approaching –
please have correct favorite color.
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 9:14 pm:
Nice one. I’m having trouble deciding between blue and yellow. Oh well, I’ll just make up my mind when he asks.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:19 am
How am I riding?
Ride 100 miles to the castle and tattle on me to the King!
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:36 am:
Oops. Sorry to rip you off below, R.E.D.
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R.E.D. reply on October 20th, 2008 2:18 pm:
They like yours better than mine :(
Good luck!
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Good Knight
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:26 am
NEED HELP?
Just yell Noble!
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:30 am
FEUDLE LORD EXPRESS
If my knight doesn’t deliver your package,
I’ll KILL him!
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Oats, Mead, or “Knowledge” – No one rides for free.
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SomeGuyNamedDoug reply on October 20th, 2008 12:25 pm:
This is really really good, +2. I’d buy this if I thought people would get the “Knowledge” reference.
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 1:10 pm:
Much obliged. I wish I could think of a way to make it rhyme.
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Alex reply on October 23rd, 2008 2:34 am:
I was hoping there’d be a good parody of this one; not sure anything could top “knowledge”.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:35 am
How my riding?
Send carrier pigeon to the Manor
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:36 am
So many damsels, so little time.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:37 am
In case of Rapture, this horse will be riderless.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Warning: Cargo Most Foul
Keep Back 50 Ells
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:14 pm:
I’m starting to feel obliged to define this one. Wikipedia on ells.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Barter NCC-2
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Save a horse, ride a knight.
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fooly cooly reply on October 20th, 2008 12:15 pm:
this may be one of the more obvious ones, but it’s one of my favorites.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:53 am
This horse protected by mace.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:53 am
This horse protected by holy hand grenade.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:55 am
I’m pro-guillotine.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:02 am
HOW AM I DRIVING?
cars haven’t been invented.
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dlawhon reply on October 20th, 2008 11:22 am:
it’s called driving, even in a cart.
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nmrboy reply on October 20th, 2008 2:13 pm:
erm, yes, i know. i still thought it was funny. but i shall add an alternative, albeit a gruesome one. :)
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dlawhon reply on October 20th, 2008 7:08 pm:
I actually thought you did, but lost control of my urges to share pointless information. I’ll put myself in timeout and return later without the kia attitude. =)
October 20th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Gutenberg Printing:
These Colors Don’t Run!
Neater Than Scribes
…………………………………..
(Bumper sticker printed in color obviously)
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Stirrups Save Lives: Saddle Up, It’s the Law
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 9:16 pm:
True dat. Safety first.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Gut Dragons?
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Long live King McCain!
(He was alive then right?)
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Brake for dragons. It could save your life.
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
“CROWN PRINCE for KING
in the Year of the Lord’s Choosing”
(Or if your politics runneth the other way:)
BASTARD SON OF THE CONCUBINE for KING
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
If Swords are Outlawed
Only Criminals will have Swords
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Wyde Loade
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R.E.D. reply on October 20th, 2008 2:20 pm:
This one is great!
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 2:40 pm:
Ha ha…love it!
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
All that glitters is not straw…it’s gold!
National Association of Alchemists (NAA)
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
One of those round vacation spot/European nation stickers:
in the center:
KS
with this along the bottom curve:
Kurfürstentum Sachsen-Electorate of Saxony
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Eatteth Thoue Myne Duste!
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
McCain/Palin ’08
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Universitas Oxoniensis MCLXXXI
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
My Other Horse is a Dragon
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 9:24 pm:
This one has a slight similarity to entry #6. :)
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:12 pm:
Just a bit. ;)
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Jesus Saves
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:11 pm:
How little things change, eh?
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Mike Fo' Sho' reply on October 20th, 2008 11:29 pm:
FAVE!
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October 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Just Say NAY
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
HOW AM I DRIVING?
i’ve got leprosy
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
WARNING: I stop at all “ridden-out-of-town-on-a-rail” road crossings.
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
IF THERE IS NO KNIGHT ON THIS HORSE
watch out for the dragon!
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
BEWARE OF SUDDEN POOP
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
(feudel lord express- the re-mix)
If your package isn’t delivered by knight,
I’ll feed him to a dragon!
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
(feudel lord express- re-mix 2)
FEUDEL LORD EXPRESS
what can Ol’ Brown and a knight do for you?
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R.E.D. reply on October 20th, 2008 2:49 pm:
The T-shirt would have a picture of a knight on a (brown)horse with packages tied to the horse. The picture is from the back so the bumphorser sticker would be on the horses, uh….backside? Way in the distance there could be a castle and the kingdom.
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Vote NO to primogeniture!
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R.E.D. reply on October 20th, 2008 3:07 pm:
Brilliant! I have an older brother.
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 5:06 pm:
I’m a twin, so who knows what they do in that case…although, we’re both female, so we really wouldn’t have many choices anyway. :)
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
(on a lavishly decorated caravan)
It’s a settlement for burns caused by molten hot ideas. Web thing.
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:08 pm:
Ha! I’m flattered.
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
IF YOU CAN READ THIS
you’re a witch! Burn the witch!
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Rape concubines, not the Holy Land
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
On the Kings horse:
My Kingdom for shock absorbers!
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
You, me, and 1000 more knights on horses…
we’d have a convoy!
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October 20th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Well this is similar to the one before.
McCain 08 (A.D.)
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reply on October 20th, 2008 6:33 pm:
The government requires four-digits to avoid Y1K exceptions:
McCain 0008
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Knavey Seals
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
my young squire beat up your honorable knight.
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 5:09 pm:
You wish! My knight trounced your squire!
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
When God gives me lemons, I slaughter some pagans
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Nostradamus said you would read this
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reply on October 20th, 2008 6:29 pm:
HA! I’d buy that!
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Mike Fo' Sho' reply on October 20th, 2008 10:46 pm:
i can see it working nowadays.
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
If this Horse’s a neighin’, don’t come a slayin’
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 4:27 pm:
I hope no one has done this yet, it’s hard to keep track
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 5:09 pm:
I think you’re the first one (not sure either, but I think I’ve kept up!)
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October 20th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
If my steed is a buckin’, I’m probably fuckin’
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Mach3 reply on October 20th, 2008 4:34 pm:
There aren’t any limitations with regards to language or implied trans-species love making are there?
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Gabriel reply on October 20th, 2008 6:49 pm:
You’re fine, we discussed it here:
http://www.mentalmagma.com/forum/topic.php?id=16
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 9:33 pm:
Wow. I was trying to decide if I should thumb this up. Then I read your comment. Trans-species love making? +2, sir.
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R.E.D. reply on October 21st, 2008 2:59 pm:
I’m giving you a +2 because of Jakutz’ explanation of why HE gave you a +2. lol
October 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Unless you’re a fly, stay off my ass!
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Shirin reply on October 20th, 2008 5:10 pm:
This one is timeless…
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lisa reply on October 21st, 2008 3:07 am:
fine….then make it….”unless youith a fly, stayeth off me ass!”
:) love you shirin!
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Thisse karte hathe clym’d the Long Mynd.
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Proposition 4A1 – Votte “Naye” onne mayking spelement of wordes regulare.
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
King Arthur
_________________________
CHANGE IS COMING (BACK)
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Pillage First – Burn Second
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Want to called an Englishman? Speake Middle English!
(The coalition for the enforcement of a national language.)
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Choose ye this day whom thou shalt serve:
the Liberal Left or the Divine Right!
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October 20th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
This cart has been exorcised…please don’t repossess.
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Mike Fo' Sho' reply on October 20th, 2008 10:45 pm:
i enjoy this one way too much for my own good.
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October 20th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
It’s a child, not a crusader.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_crusade
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October 20th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Real Italians Vote Guelph.
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October 20th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
My child is a journeyman at the University of Paris.
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October 20th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Si vous ne pouvez pas le lire, êtes un Anglais stupide.
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Iaoai reply on October 20th, 2008 8:08 pm:
Translation: “If you can’t read this, you’re a stupid Englishman.” Esoteric enough?
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gig reply on October 23rd, 2008 12:39 pm:
Brought to you by William the Conqueror.
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October 20th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Cast “Yea” for Magna Carta.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
This vehicle is biodegradable.
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October 20th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Remember how great things were before the rebellion? It’s not to late to change your mind.
-royalty formerly known as prince.
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Lalaith reply on October 21st, 2008 11:20 am:
This is great just for the “formerly known as prince” part.
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Jakutz reply on October 23rd, 2008 6:12 pm:
I guess I should have just made that my entire entry. I figured I needed the first part so it would make more sense, though.
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Lalaith reply on October 23rd, 2008 7:47 pm:
No, it does, but the last part is what really made me chuckle :)
October 20th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Feminists Against Prima Nocta
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Garrett reply on October 20th, 2008 10:10 pm:
That one’s funny on a few levels, Shirin. Two thumbs up.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
As much as the middle ages was a long time period, I much preferred the later end. In elementary school I came up with a new rhyme for Columbus that didn’t make sense, but it rhymes if you pronounce the actual letters of the roman numerals one by one:
M-C-D-X-C-I-I, Columbus sailed the ocean dry.
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Zabo reply on October 21st, 2008 12:54 pm:
Wow, don’t know how this ended up here, was meant as a comment on #81.
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October 20th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Hooked on Bubonic
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Mike Fo' Sho' reply on October 20th, 2008 10:45 pm:
I anticipate this bumbersticker being followed by a child with black spots giving the thumbs up.
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Jakutz reply on October 20th, 2008 11:05 pm:
Correction: a child with black spots giving TWO thumbs up.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Work Harder, A Feudal Lord Depends on You.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Plant turnips before you turn-up starving. (This sticker paid for by your feudal lord)
[Reply to this comment]
October 20th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Don’t ask us — we ask YOU. The Spanish Inquisition.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
My lance is bigger.
(Or is this idea too obvious??) ‘:-)
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
If you can read this, learn to speak French!
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Iaoai reply on October 20th, 2008 11:25 pm:
I think this one conveys my intent better than the previous one in French. This is the wrong topic for a History student!
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
These go hand-in-hand
Geocentric on board — the Sun revolves around the Earth!
-vs-
Heliocentric on board — Galileo was right!
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reply on October 21st, 2008 1:03 am:
How about:
Zero Ptolerance:
You’re Not the Center of the Universe.
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Diavo reply on October 21st, 2008 2:01 am:
Nice! =)
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
WAX YOUR ASS — for smoother, speedier planting.
(with a silhouetted picture of a running donkey)
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Reading this magic bumper sticker will turn you into a frog. Too late!
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
A bartender is just an alchemist without iron.
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October 20th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
King Fredrick Proclaims “Relax”
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October 21st, 2008 at 12:23 am
Joust for the Hell of It!
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October 21st, 2008 at 12:29 am
Caution: Fearless Adventurer Do not Follow
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October 21st, 2008 at 1:04 am
Mynde Yooure Manors.
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October 21st, 2008 at 1:10 am
Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!
Visit the Brady Bogs in lovely
Erstewhile, England
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:05 am
Bandit on board.
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:20 am
I’d rather be Vikings.
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:23 am
Visit England – Come See the Violence Inherent in the System. (You’ll be repressed!)
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:31 am
“Dead” is a Lifestyle Choice…
BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!
(Or your not dead yet, not quite dead, or very nearly dead)
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:37 am
I ran away with Sir Robin & the Minstrels!
(Get their new album, Minstrel Cycle, featuring the hit
“Bravely, Boldly Fled.” Available wherever music is bartered.
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:38 am
I Seek the Grrrrrrrail!
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:44 am
Looking for a place to rest? Try Grail Light Castle.
Call 1-800-FOR-ZOOT
We Have No Reservations.
You’ll spank us later! (We insist!)
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:51 am
I ♥ York
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Lalaith reply on October 21st, 2008 11:15 am:
(if it’s not terribly obvious, I’m punning on all the “I ♥ NY” stuff)
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Gabriel reply on October 21st, 2008 4:56 pm:
I edited your comments to include the heart symbol instead of <3, I assumed you wouldn’t mind.
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Lalaith reply on October 21st, 2008 9:33 pm:
Excellent! I did not know how to do that.
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:56 am
Considering Sorcery? Let me explain magic use and your options. I can help! Who am I? There are some who call me “Tim!” Try it now since I am apparently right in front of you. Call, “Hey, Tim!” and we’ll work together to see if sorcery is right for you.
(Tis more like a bumper poster, but it would be on his back, and there’s all kinds of time since we’re walking, so, you know, bumper stickers would adapt backwards.)
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October 21st, 2008 at 10:09 am
A chicken for your thoughts.
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October 21st, 2008 at 10:15 am
A goat and a chicken saved is a goat and a chicken earned.
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October 21st, 2008 at 11:00 am
Shitte Occurres.
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Shirin reply on October 23rd, 2008 7:16 pm:
Ha ha! I tried really hard to come up with something similar to “Shit Happens,” but I just couldn’t do it. This made me laugh! :)
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October 21st, 2008 at 11:15 am
Ride thy horse, not my ass
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October 21st, 2008 at 11:35 am
1 horsepower. What’s under your saddle?
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October 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
King’s Deer Unlimited
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October 21st, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Mead: helpeth ye Anglo-Saxons gettith some since 1042.
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October 21st, 2008 at 3:07 pm
JOIN THE FRIARS!
we don’t have much fun, now,
but we’ll eventually have
collection plates and alter boys.
[Reply to this comment]
Jakutz reply on October 21st, 2008 9:16 pm:
Ha ha, you totally went there! I love it.
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October 21st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
*picture of Calvin urinating on opposing army’s coat of arms*
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Iaoai reply on October 21st, 2008 8:35 pm:
I was trying to think of a way to do this one, but got tripped up in the verbal presentation. Kudos.
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Shirin reply on October 23rd, 2008 7:17 pm:
Man…no offense, but I just hate all the Calvin-pissing stickers! I just love the comic strip so much, but not so much the urination. :)
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Garrett reply on October 23rd, 2008 8:45 pm:
Hear, hear!
Poor Bill Waterson – tries not merchandise Calvin Hobbes only to see his characters all over the place as a lame redneck joke. Like quoting the Simpsons, South Park, or Monty Python, it might have been funny the first time, but. . .
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Alex reply on October 23rd, 2008 11:27 pm:
Yeah, they definitely do a profound injustice to the comic. Bumper stickers are often banal and tribal by nature — even the cleverest — when you really think about it, but I suppose they’re just another way to sell us commodified attitude and identity. We should just start spreading the rumor that all money that goes toward “Calvin urinating on al-Qaeda” stickers supports terrorism…then again, maybe it does.
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Gabriel reply on October 24th, 2008 8:18 am:
That would be a great entry into a contest we are considering having: Make up an internet rumor/meme.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
[This would take some work on the design end]
A collage of pagan (or non-Christian) symbols with the words “You won’t expect it” superimposed.
If you look closely in the symbols, you can find the word “Spanish Inquisition”.
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October 21st, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Ask Me About Indulgences! (or suffer)
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October 21st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
“Loose weight with Leprosy!
“The pounds will fall right off!”
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October 21st, 2008 at 7:31 pm
“Is that a dagger in your codpiece or are you just happy to see me?”
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October 21st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Rider carries only 20 Farthing worth of crossbow ammunition.
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October 21st, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Keep neighing…I’m reloading my crossbow.
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October 21st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I brake for Concubines
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October 21st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
My wife’s minstrel is visiting this weekend. I’ll be at the pub.
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October 21st, 2008 at 11:50 pm
My Broker’s In Stocks.
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greg reply on October 21st, 2008 11:51 pm:
I got my identity back! Thank you! Hello, fuzzy, little, green square thing!
[Reply to this comment]
Jakutz reply on October 22nd, 2008 1:27 am:
Hey hey greg! Congrats on getting that fixed.
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greg reply on October 22nd, 2008 1:49 am:
hey, j, loved “Serf’s Up!”
October 21st, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Are You Wielding a Longsword or a Dagger?
Ask your apothecary about RomeOH!
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October 22nd, 2008 at 12:10 am
You’re Getting Medieval on My Ass…
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October 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 am
Come to Our Grand Re-Opening/Ritual Sacrifice
Stonehenge Market Place & Druid Worship Center
We Rock!
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October 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 am
STONEHENGE GYM
We’re Stacked!
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October 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 am
HOV – Pilgrims On Board
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October 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 am
Staff Parking Permit
Roger the Shrubber’s
Discount Shrubbery Emporium
[Reply to this comment]
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 am
ICKY-ICKY-ICKY-ICKY-KAPANG-ZOOP-BOING!
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October 22nd, 2008 at 1:05 am
Free Eleanor of Aquitane!
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October 22nd, 2008 at 2:19 am
My other car hasn’t been invented yet.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 am
Elect Thomas “One-Chop” Payne for County Executioner
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Jakutz reply on October 22nd, 2008 11:29 am:
Kind of morbid. I like it.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 4:56 pm
If only I had a bumpy to put this damn thing on.
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Ian Randal Strock reply on October 22nd, 2008 5:04 pm:
Damn. Typo. Should read:
If only I had a bumper to put this damn thing on.
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greg reply on October 22nd, 2008 9:14 pm:
Bumpy sounded playfully British.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
(tattooed across the horse’s derriere):
Stickers are for wimps.
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Jakutz reply on October 22nd, 2008 7:37 pm:
That’s awesome. I’d like to see this one in the finals.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Because I have a Trebuchet and you don’t, that’s why.
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Lalaith reply on October 23rd, 2008 11:24 am:
Why hello there! :)
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October 23rd, 2008 at 1:18 am
Predestination: Because God likes us better.
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October 23rd, 2008 at 1:22 am
You CAN’T eat your FRIENDS, but you CAN eat your SAVIOR.
TRANSUBSTANTIATION. Like cannibalism, but divine.
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October 23rd, 2008 at 4:56 am
DON’T HATE FLAGELLATE!
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October 23rd, 2008 at 11:13 am
No need to worry about the end of the world: if this is the middle ages,
there must be later ages still to come.
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Shirin reply on October 23rd, 2008 7:21 pm:
Ha ha…I bet they didn’t call it the Middle Ages back then, though! :)
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October 24th, 2008 at 12:45 am
What Would Merlin Do?
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October 24th, 2008 at 12:48 am
How Am I Riding? Send a pigeon to 800 Suck My Lance.
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October 24th, 2008 at 1:27 am
Make Stew, Not War
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October 24th, 2008 at 4:38 am
VIII is Enough! We Can’t Afford Another Henry.
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October 24th, 2008 at 4:51 am
ROSE BOWL 1485
YORK vs. LANCASTER
Bosworth Field
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October 24th, 2008 at 4:57 am
You Think These Ages Are Dark?
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October 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
a drawing of a herring next to a drawing of a tree
caption:start choppin
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October 24th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
If you can read this, my horse just farted on you.
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dlawhon reply on October 24th, 2008 4:09 pm:
As someone who grew up on horseback, this is my favorite entry!
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October 26th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Plague Happens
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